


Working Through the Rest

by Evie_adams273



Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Draco is a better parent than Harry, Draco is a good parent, Gen, Good siblings, Harry is a good parent but only for a bit, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Malfoy Family Feels, Okay maybe not, Promise, Recovery, Siblings, They all need therapy, Trauma, Young Love, after the plot, but eventually, delphi is back, kidnap, over two years, this gets quite intense, this is going to be okay, violence then recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-06-02 06:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 92
Words: 74,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19435369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evie_adams273/pseuds/Evie_adams273
Summary: Possible sequel to Working Through Fear on Wattpad (same username)You do not have to read that for this to make senseAfter they returned from time, Albus had assumed that everything would work as it always did. Maybe with a little bit of change.That little bit of change was one of the biggest things Albus had ever experienced and his life began to spiral downwards.Neither he nor Scorpius seemed to get better, not really.Delphi returned again.And there was the small matter that he might, just might, have fallen in love with his best friend. Except it was just being worried about him. Nothing was wrong. It was fine.It was fine...





	1. Outside

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been a long time in the works. I don't know much about putting in trigger warnings so I'll do my best to put them in at the right time, but just a general warning in case I miss something (for which I apologise profusely)  
> Hope you enjoy.

Dad stumbles forward as the chaos around us ends and a different, more modern Godric’s Hollow comes into form. Scorpius still has his face buried in his dad’s shoulder, crying quietly. I don’t blame him. Not with after what we just saw. Not when Delphi is still hovering a few feet away from us.

Hermione and Ron are stood silently, wands trained on Delphi. She is silent, her eyes closed, and she doesn’t look dangerous. That’s what scares me. She was dangerous. Every time that she smiled at me and I felt like maybe someone other than Scorpius did believe in me, every time that I felt like I was worth something, it was all a lie.

Mum helps dad stand up and I continue to stare around, almost blankly, trying to process everything. It just keeps replaying in my head, over and over. Every flash of fire, every acid-green light, every scream. I can’t think straight. And no matter how much I want to sleep, I know I’m not going to. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to sleep again.  
“Where are we going now?” Scorpius mumbles, his voice thick with tears as he looks at me.  
“Home,” Draco says firmly.  
“I want to stay with Albus,” Scorpius says quietly.  
“Albus is going home as well,” dad’s hand lands on my shoulder and I flinch slightly.

His voice is shaking slightly, but he’s firm about this. Scorpius looks at me imploringly and my stomach jolts guiltily. I know what memory is flashing through his head. I know he’s thinking about the month where I barely saw him, where dad didn’t let me see him.  
“I…” I trail off, looking between dad and Scorpius. “Will you be okay?”

Scorpius looks at the floor, his eyes darting around. I know what he’s thinking. I know he’s trying to work out how to say that he won’t be okay, but he knows. He knows that I also don’t know what to say to dad. He knows that we’re both too pathetic to start bridging the gaps that just keep growing.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask, half-hopeful.  
“Albus…”  
“It’s best,” Draco puts his arm around Scorpius awkwardly. “You need some sleep and I would much prefer it if you were at home. We can sort everything out tomorrow.”

Scorpius nods reluctantly and Draco spins on the spot. There is a deafening crack and they both disappear.   
“Will you be okay?” Hermione turns away from Delphi temporarily to look at us.

I don’t move and dad nods. He takes my hand and I feel myself freezing slightly. I really don’t want to go home. I really, really don’t want to go home. I know Scorpius will be okay, but I still want to be near him. Because I don’t know if I’ll be okay.

I don’t say anything, and we turn, disappearing. I do my best to breathe through the ever-unpleasant feeling of apparition, but in the end it’s easier to ignore it until it stops, and we appear in the kitchen.

There’s mess everywhere. Papers are strewn all over the table, surrounding what I assume is a cold cup of tea of tea. There’s half-eaten food sat on the side, next to the blanket, now covered in holes.

I pull a glass out of the cupboard shakily and fill it with water, sitting down at the table. Mum sits down next to me, taking my hand gently.  
“Where’s Delphi?” I mumble.  
“Ron and Hermione are taking her to the Ministry,” dad keeps pacing up and down near the sink, “and then she’ll go to Azkaban and I am going to do everything I can to make sure she never sees the outside again.”

I nod, staring forward blankly. Titles of paperwork leap out at me, screaming things about Time-Turners and darkness and Voldemort. I shut my eyes. I don’t want these reminders now.

And then green light flashes across my mind and I see them falling. Craig, Grandma, Grandad. And Scorpius. I keep seeing Scorpius at the end of the path of green light.

I open my eyes quickly. It’s not real. Scorpius survived. No thanks to me. But he is alive. And that is what I need to remember.  
“You need to get some sleep,” mum says gently.  
“I slept earlier,” I mutter.  
“Not for very long. Come on.”

She stands up but I don’t move, still trying to convince myself that everything is going to be okay when I know very well that nothing is okay.  
“Albus,” dad says firmly.  
“I’m not going to bed,” I don’t move. “I slept earlier and…”

The words die on my lips. I’m not going to admit that I am scared. I’m not going to rely on him as a parent.

Even if I was ready for that, he isn’t.


	2. Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus returns home with his parents.

Eventually, after a couple of hours, I cave. Mum and dad have already gone upstairs, but I don’t think they’re asleep.

I tread slowly up the stairs, staring at the carpet in front of me. Hours ago, I thought I was never going to see this house again, and now I would rather be almost anywhere else. At least if I were someone else, I would be with Scorpius and I would know if he was okay. That’s what this comes down to. And I know he is okay, but I still feel this need to be with him, to make sure.  
“Are you going to bed?” mum opens her bedroom door, stepping out onto the landing.

I nod silently, walking past her and pushing my bedroom door open. It looks exactly the same as it did when I left in September. The only thing that has changed is the blanket. That’s downstairs now. I’m almost surprised that mum let dad move it.

I’m glad, though. I don’t think a reminder of the start of this mess is going to do anything. Not anything good, at least.

I sit down on the edge of my bed, forgetting to close the door, and mum sits down next to me. I look away deliberately, not wanting to discuss whatever is about to be discussed.  
“Are you okay?” mum says tentatively.  
“No.”  
“It is all right not to be okay.”  
“I know.”

I do know. I just don’t want to talk about it. Not now. Not ever.

I stand up, pulling back the duvet slowly. Mum stands up, letting me climb into bed. I lie down slowly, staring up at the ceiling. I don’t want to close my eyes.

But I do, all too aware that mum is watching me. I jump slightly as her hand lands on mine, my eyes opening again. She smiles softly at me and I sit up slightly. Dad is standing in my bedroom doorway, watching me quietly.

I’m half-torn. Part of me hates him, because of the argument, even though I know it was my fault. And another part of me knows that I still need him. He is my dad. He cares. He came through _time_ for me. And he protected me in the church. I have to acknowledge that.

I lie back down and mum starts to stand up. As I sit up again quickly, she stops. I bite my lip.  
“Please stay,” I mumble. “Please. I’m scared.”

Mum smiles softly, sadly, at me and she sits down on the floor beside my bed, taking my hand.  
“It’s going to be okay,” she murmurs.

I don’t reply, staring up at the ceiling. I’m scared, and I’m angry. Angry at myself. I didn’t want dad to know I’m scared. It just slipped out. I’m not ready for him to attempt to talk to me again. I’m not ready for the inevitable argument.  
“Can I come in?” dad says.

I nod, closing my eyes slowly. I can at least try to bridge things, even if it’s not meant to be the child’s responsibility. He probably won’t do anything. Making it back with everyone alive is probably enough for him. Saving the day has always been enough for him to walk away. Why would this be any different?

I hear him sit down next to mum and I take a deep breath. Despite what I said earlier, I am exhausted. I do need to sleep. And the hope that I will see Scorpius tomorrow morning is probably the only thing that will let me sleep.

* * *

I don’t know when I managed to fall asleep, but I didn’t sleep well. I don’t dream, which is a mercy, though occasionally green light flashes across my mind I think that I shake.

When I wake up, mum hasn’t moved. Dad is asleep, leaning against the wall. He is still wearing his work suit, which isn’t surprising. I barely see him out of him. Mum is also asleep. I need to move. I need something to drink. I need a moment where I know this isn’t a dream, that we really got back. That we’re really okay.

I stand up silently, walking out of my room. James and Lily are still at Hogwarts so the house is quiet as I walk down into the kitchen.

The clock reads past ten; I feel my fist clenching in frustration. If Draco has let Scorpius go back to school, he’s going to be there now, probably without Draco. So he’ll be alone.

I dash back upstairs, ignoring the fact that I am quite literally parched and pulling a jumper and a pair of trousers out of the wardrobe as I reach my room. Mum and dad haven’t woken up and I hurry into the bathroom, changing as quickly as I can. I need to get back to school. I need to make sure Scorpius is okay.

Once I’m dressed, I dump my clothes in the wash-basket and run back down to the kitchen. I know I should probably eat something, but I’m not hungry.  
“I thought you would have wanted to avoid school,” mum sits down next to me.  
“I told Scorpius I’d see him today,” I stand up. “I want to make sure he’s okay.”  
“I’m sure he’s fine,” mum smiles.  
“I need to make sure,” I mumble, starting to pace. “I need to make sure he’s okay after…after two days ago?”

Mum frowns at me and I look away, pulling a glass out the cupboard. I’m thirsty, but I don’t really want to drink it for some reason. I just need something for my hands to do.  
“You went missing two weeks ago,” mum says quietly. “We didn’t find your message until last night.”

I nod, putting down the now-full glass. We’ve missed two weeks of our lives. For the rest of the world, it has been weeks since we did all this. For us, it’s been hours.  
“Can I go back to school, please?” I say quietly.  
“You want to go back?” dad is standing behind me, yawning.  
“I want to see Scorpius,” I mumble.

Mum nods and stands up, reaching for the pot of Floo Powder on the mantelpiece. I smile gratefully as I walk towards the fireplace. Mum points her wand at it and flames leap up in the grate suddenly.  
“This is not a good idea,” dad says firmly.  
“I’m still going,” I step into the fireplace.

The flames leap up around me and I cough slightly, taking a handful of the powder from the pot. I hate Floo, but it’s only a minute or so. And Scorpius is at the other end of it.  
“Hogwarts!”


	3. Pick Up the Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus returns to Hogwarts to find Scorpius, and discovers something that terrifies him.

I tumble out of the fireplace onto Professor McGonagall’s carpet, spitting the ash out of my mouth as I stand up. Professor McGonagall is sat at her desk, watching me patiently. I finish getting up quickly, looking at the floor awkwardly. Last time I was in here, I thought the anger was the worst thing we’d have to deal with.

And now someone is dead.  
“Mr Potter?” Professor McGonagall stands up as mum tumbles out of the fireplace, spilling more soot on the rug. “I wasn’t expecting to see you for a few days at least.”  
“Is Scorpius here?” I ask quickly. “Did he come back this morning?”  
“He did. He is in the Hospital Wing.”

I freeze, my mind racing with the possible the reasons that Scorpius might be there, and then I half-run towards the door. No one stops me as I run down the down steps, along corridor after corridor.

A lesson bell rings as I reach the fourth floor and I suddenly find myself fighting to keep moving through the crowds of chattering students. I pull my hood up, not interested in being preyed upon.

Of course, I am, because I am the only person in the corridor who is not wearing school robes. I ignore the mutterings and whisperings that follow me, and continue to sprint towards the Hospital Wing, never stopping for breath. Scorpius is more important.

It’s almost silent when I arrive and I scan the beds as quickly as I can. Scorpius is lying, apparently asleep, in one of the far beds. I run down the length of the room, skidding to a halt beside him. He looks peaceful at a glance, but the more I watch him, the more I see his pain.

His hands are curled into fists, his knuckles almost white from the pressure. His breathing is slow and uneven, and his chest continually shakes as it rises and falls. All I seem to be able to do is stand, watching him silently as three pairs of footsteps echo behind me. Dad puts his hand on my shoulder awkwardly and I shift slightly, nervous.  
“Is he going to be okay?” I mumble. “What happened?”  
“He’s just asleep,” Professor McGonagall says. “Draco said he insisted on coming back, but Draco has insisted that he remain out of lessons for the time being.”  
“He’s all right?” I murmur, glancing back.

Professor McGonagall nods and I sit down next to the bed nervously, looking back at Scorpius.

* * *

The room is silent for a long time before Scorpius starts to wake up. I don’t say anything as his eyes open and he sits up slowly, looking around. I smile gently at him, looking at his hands, almost white from clenching the sheet.  
“Albus…”  
“Are you okay?” I ask gently.  
“Bad dream,” Scorpius smiles weakly.  
“It’s over now,” I murmur. “It’s all over now.”

Scorpius nods, picking up the glass of water on his bedside table. He sips it shakily and I take it from him as he moves to put it back; it was about to spill.  
“I still had her wand,” Scorpius says quietly.  
“What?”  
“Dad gave me her wand,” Scorpius murmurs, “in the Church. I still had it when I got home.”  
“Oh.”

His hand starts to shake and I stop myself moving towards him. I don’t know if he wants a hug, or anything. I don’t know what he wants.  
“When are going back into lessons?” he asks. “When do things go back to – normal?”  
“We haven’t got wands,” I remind him. “We left our stolen wands behind.”

I don’t mention that it’s really the least of our issues. I don’t need to say what we’re both thinking – that there is no way to go back to normal. Too many things have happened. We need to learn to live again.

Scorpius nods, looking away. I bite my lip, trying to work out what I could say to distract either of us. I can’t find anything.  
“Thank you for coming,” Scorpius says quietly.  
“I was worried about you,” I admit. “I’m…I’m sorry, Scorpius. About all of this.”  
“Can we not talk about that right now?” Scorpius mumbles. “Or – or ever.”

I nod, reminding myself to breathe. It gets harder as dad comes to stand beside me, his hand on my shoulder.  
“I’ll be okay on my own,” I mutter.  
“You nearly died last night,” dad says firmly. “If you’re going to insist on staying at school, we’re going to stay with you.”

I resist the urge to turn around and snap something at him as the colour drains from Scorpius’ face. He doesn’t need another reminder of last night. He said that much half a minute ago.  
“You don’t have to stay here,” Scorpius says. “You can go home if you want.”  
“I’m staying,” I say firmly, looking at him. “I barely slept last night worrying about you and I don’t think anything good is going to come out of going home again.”

Scorpius smiles weakly and I smile back. It’s going to be okay. We are going to be okay.  
“When are we allowed to go back to class?” Scorpius asks Professor McGonagall.  
“When you have had eight hours of sleep overnight,” she smiles softly, “and when you have new wands.”

Scorpius nods, smiling weakly at me again.  
“That can wait until tomorrow,” mum says.  
“Are you all right with that?” I ask Scorpius.

He nods.


	4. New Roman Numerals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius go to buy new wands after they lost theirs because of Delphi. Albus' old anxieties about his apparent incompetency at magic make a not-so-welcome appearance.

Three days later, Scorpius, mum, Draco and I walk into Ollivanders. I didn’t think I’d ever come back here for myself and I can’t help but feel incredibly uncomfortable. I struggled to buy a wand before, to find a match that worked, even remotely, when everything was actually okay. And now, everything is falling apart. Or, it feels that way.

Scorpius and I haven’t left the Hospital Wing since I first found him in there, and the rest of the school don’t appear to have noticed we’re back. I’m glad. I’m glad that the only person who has come to see us is Rose, strangely quiet and subdued.

Scorpius barely even paid attention to her while she sat with us, even though she didn’t bring up any of what she normally brings up to annoy Scorpius. His silence worried her, and terrified me.   
“Albus,” Scorpius looks at me quietly.

I jump slightly, retracting from my thoughts as I focus looking on him. He’s got huge bags underneath his eyes from where he’s lain awake in the night, staring at the ceiling. If it’s quiet, we murmur to each other and I try to convince him to attempt sleep. He refuses, even with the Sleeping Draught beside him. He says it doesn’t stop his dreams, and then he offers it to me. And I refuse it too, claiming that I don’t need it. So, neither of us sleep.   
“Scorpius,” I smile. “Yeah. Sorry.” I pause, breathing. “Are you okay?”   
“I’m fine,” Scorpius says quietly. “I was wondering if you were.”

I force another smile and we walk around the shelves of wands to find a small, quiet man sat at a desk, placing a strand of hair into half a wand. The other half lies behind him, in a box on the shelf. He looks up as we stop, smiling serenely.   
“You two?” he looks at Scorpius and me.

I nod slowly, looking at mum. There’s something almost creepy about the man. He’s smiling calmly, looking in our direction, though it doesn’t feel as if he’s looking at us. More through us. And it’s eerie.   
“Yes, thank you,” mum says, calmer than either Scorpius or I has been in weeks.   
“Well then,” Mr Ollivander stands up, clapping his hands. “Who first?”

Scorpius looks at me and I shake my head quickly, looking at the floor. He nods and I let out a low breath.   
“I’ll…I’ll go first,” Scorpius says.

Mr Ollivander nods, looking him up and down calmly. He smiles again, walking away as he flicks things off the shelves.   
“I am not my father,” he returns with several long, thin boxes, which he sets down on the desk. “I do not remember every wand I’ve ever sold.” No one replies as he unpacks one of the wands. “I do, however, remember every person who has ever stepped into my shop. So, I think I’ve at least got some claim to his legendary memory.”

Mum smiles, nodding along, but she looks a bit uncomfortable, like she wants this to be over. She probably does. She came with me last time, and that was an utter disaster.

Mr Ollivander offers a wand to Scorpius and he takes it awkwardly. I watch his fingers run up and down the handle, tracing where the Roman numerals were on his old wand. He told me once that he’d carved them on himself. And now it’s gone. It’s gone because of me.

Scorpius waves the wand timidly and nothing happens. Almost instantly, it’s replaced with another, which he attempts to wave again before it’s replaced with another. And another. And another.

The pile of tested wands on the desk continues to grow, and with every addition, I find myself wiping my palms on my robes again. I don’t want to do this. I really don’t want to do this, or be here. So, I shut my eyes, listening quietly to the noises of the street that have made it past the shelves of wands, until I hear a quiet chiming and something flashes through the dark.   
“Congratulations,” Mr Ollivander smiles. “Fir wood. Unicorn hair. Fourteen and a half inches. Rigid flexibility.”

Scorpius nods, smiling awkwardly. He looks vaguely at peace, or at least, he doesn’t look scared. Which is good. Mr Ollivander turns towards me, still smiling calmly. I look at mum nervously and she takes my hand, squeezing it gently. I take a deep breath as he looks me up and down before wandering away, flicking boxes off the shelves. I need to promise myself that it’s going to be okay, because if I don’t, I don’t know what will happen. I step back slightly, leaning against the edge of a shelf. I feel sick.

When Mr. Ollivander comes back, he places the stack of boxes on his desk. It’s a considerably larger pile than he brought for Scorpius and I swallow nervously. He knows I’m pathetic at magic. He remembers.   
“Try this,” he says gently, unboxing the first wand and passing it to me.

I wave it awkwardly, unsurprised when nothing happens. No one comments as Mr. Ollivander passes me another. And another. And another. As the pile of tested boxes grows, my attempts become more and more pathetic and feeble. I keep stopping, trying to force myself to breathe. Draco is pacing, which doesn’t help me feel any better about how useless I am.

When I reach the thirty-ninth box, I have barely taken the wand when a strange warmth spreads between my fingers and I allow half a smile to crack through.   
“And congratulations to you, Mr. Potter,” Mr. Ollivander smiles. “Fir wood. Phoenix feather. Twelve and a half inches. Slightly springy.”

I nod, starting to feel my breathing returning to normal. I have a wand. It will be okay. I might be okay.   
“Can we go back to classes now?” Scorpius asks as mum pays for my wand.   
“Neither of us have had the required eight hours of sleep,” I point out. “McGonagall said we need to sleep eight hours overnight.”

Scorpius nods, putting his new wand in his robe pocket. I do the same, and mum takes my hand.   
“Ready?”

I nod and the four of us walk through towards the front of the shop. Through the window, a woman with short blonde hair makes eye-contact with me, smiling. I look away. I don’t want to fix things only to create more problems.

Maybe it’s wrong to assume that everyone is a problem, but it’s better than trusting the world and then having your life shattered into shards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hope you're enjoying.  
> Kudos and comments/feedback greatly appreciated.  
> Instagram: @evie_adams273  
> Twitter: evieadams273


	5. Not First. Not Last.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on. Albus and Scorpius begin to see their lives return to the bare minimum of normal. But it is only the bare minimum.

They let us leave the Hospital Wing the next day and the first thing that Scorpius does upon entering the Common Room is try to find a roll of parchment and begin planning when to catch up on all the work we’ve missed. I know it’s an effective distraction for him, so I don’t stop him, instead sitting with him and trying to help. I don’t do any of my own work. I can climb that mountain another time. Probably.

We sit for a long time, watching the embers in the fire burn down before we go to bed. And after the next morning, when McGonagall sends us a note in the Great Hall to inform us that we are permitted in lessons again from the next day, we spend the day in the Common Room, pieces of parchment, quills, and piles of books strewn around us.

Once we’re back in lessons, the teasing returns, almost unrelenting. Neither of us are required to turn in any homework until we’ve caught up with our missing weeks, but no one else actually knows why we have this ‘privilege’, or they do not care. They apparently do not seem to notice that we spend every evening sat by the fire, working for hours after everybody else is asleep.

Most nights, we go to bed after Scorpius’ main piece of work is done, but as the month drags on, he stays up longer and longer, even after he’s finished what he’s doing. I stay with him, occasionally dozing off as he continues to stare at the fire.

I didn’t know whether he actually slept at all.

Until now.

Tonight, I wake up sooner than I normally do when I fall asleep. Something had flashed across my mind, and I had woken up, halfway to hitting the floor. I stand up slowly, looking around the empty room. The fire has all but burnt out and we’re the only people in here. Scorpius is asleep on an armchair, book on the floor next to him. It looks as if it fell out of his hands when he dozed off.

I smile softly. He looks peaceful, and part of me wonders how often he does sleep. I haven’t seen him rest since the morning in the Hospital Wing and, while I know that I’m going to be exhausted tomorrow morning, I don’t try to fall asleep again. I want to remember this. I want to remember that Scorpius can find some form of peace, even though it’s only temporary.

I turn away and stand up for half a moment to find the mug of water that I filled earlier, and that seems to be when everything changes. Scorpius whimpers a couple of times and I glance over my shoulder. He looks fine and I turn around, picking up the mug and walking back towards him.

As I sit down again, he whimpers again and I start to hear words in the noise. My name, manes of potions, potions, ingredients. Pearl dust. And then he starts to shake. “Scorpius,” I put the mug down, crouching in front of him. “Scorpius!”

He doesn’t react and I try to take his shoulders to wake him up. And then he lets out an ear-splitting scream and I jump back slightly. I cry out accidentally as my head hits the books hanging over the edge of the table, and then I’m back on the Quidditch Pitch, his screams echoing around me. Delphi with her wand in my neck. Delphi, moving towards Scorpius. Craig. Dead. And then. Back. In. Time. And then I scream out.

It’s not real. It’s not happening. But what is happening is Scorpius’ nightmare. And I need to wake him up. He’s now lying on the floor, writhing and shaking and crying. I try to pull him away from the chair so that he doesn’t hurt himself, but he pushes me away unconsciously. “Scorpius,” I grab his shoulders, trying to keep him still. “Scorpius, I’m here.”  
“No…” Scorpius whimpers. “No…please…”

And then he screams again, shooting upright, hitting me in the face with the top of his head. I fall backwards, letting go of him as he pulls himself up to lean against the chair.  
“You awake?” I smile weakly, ignoring the throbbing in my chin.   
“Albus,” Scorpius breaths heavily. “Are you…what happened…I…”   
“You had a nightmare.” Scorpius nods. “Are you…are you okay…?”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah, I just got in the way of flailing limbs.”   
“Sorry.”   
“It’s fine. Honestly. I’m just glad you’re awake.”

Scorpius nods and I pull the mug off the table, passing it to him. He takes it shakily, sipping it slowly.   
“Are you okay?” I ask quietly.

Scorpius shakes his head, still breathing heavily. Moments ago, he looked peaceful, almost happy. And now his shirt and face are drenched are sweat, and he is shivering violently.   
“Here,” I take off my robe and pass it to him.

He doesn’t react and I stand up and sit down next to him, wrapping the robe loosely around him as a blanket of some sort. He pulls it closer to himself, continuing to shake. “Thank you,” he mumbles.   
“Do you want to change into some other clothes?”

He shakes his head, leaning into me weakly. I put my arm around him gently and watch his eyes flutter closed.   
“Please don’t go anywhere,” he murmurs.   
“I won’t,” I promise. “I’m here.”

His breathing begins to return to normal after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have included the vaguely stereotypical Scorbus nightmare scene. I mean, it was coming. It's still coming. Because those scenes are so damn cute to read of course I'm going to try writing.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.


	6. Green Boats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Albus wakes up to find that the memorial service of his classmate is that morning. And he is required to attend.

I think I register the throbbing pain in the side of my head before I register that a book has just come crashing into me. Scorpius is asleep beside me, still wrapped in my robes, and I look from him to the person who hit me – Karl Jenkins. He’s stood above me, scowling unpleasantly, the Hufflepuff badge on his robes incredibly prominent.   
“Wake up,” he snaps.   
“You’re not allowed in here,” I mutter. “This is the Slytherin Common Room.”   
“Yes, well, you’re meant to be awake,” Karl points out. “So get up. And wake up the freak.”   
“It’s also a Saturday,” I don’t move, deciding to ignore his comment about Scorpius; it’s not worth picking a fight over.   
“And it’s also Craig’s memorial in an hour. So get up and get your shit together.”

I watch silently as he stalks out the room. No one even comments and I lean back into the arm of the chair, breathing out slowly. I don’t think I can face this right now, but I have to accept this. Because at least part of it is my fault. I shouldn’t shy away from that.

Beside me, Scorpius begins to stir. I don’t move until he is awake and begins to sit up without relying on me. He looks at me as I continue to stare at the ceiling, breathing in and out slowly.   
“Are you okay?” he asks quietly.   
“It’s Craig’s memorial service today,” I murmur. “Karl just – came in.”   
“Oh.”

He starts to say something about the mark on my face but I stand up, starting to pick up the books that fell on the floor last night. Scorpius watches me silently as I get more and more agitated, eventually slamming the piles of textbooks into the table and pushing myself into the wall. Scorpius stands up quickly, putting a hand on my shoulder to prevent me from doing something worse. I want to. I don’t.   
“Sorry,” I mutter.   
“You don’t have to go,” Scorpius says quietly. “If you can’t face it, no one who actually knows what happened could blame you.”   
“I have to come,” I say firmly, surprisingly calm. “I have to come because I – need to apologise. As best I can.”   
“This wasn’t your fault.”   
“I’m not innocent.”   
“Albus,” Scorpius says. “Albus, if it’s a question of innocence, then we’re all screwed. We all messed up. You can’t blame yourself.”

I smile weakly, nodding, although I don’t really believe him. Messed up is a light way of putting it. We got someone, we got a child, killed. He probably knows that I don’t believe him, because he picks up the pile of books and squeezes my hand gently.   
“I’m going to be right there,” he says gently. “If you don’t want to come, don’t. If you need to leave part way through, leave. It’s okay.”   
I nod. “I’m going to shower and change.”   
“I’ll see you in a bit,” Scorpius says. “I can put your robe away for you.”   
“Thank you.”

* * *

I tread slowly down towards the bathrooms, towel folded in one hand, clean robes in the other. I know that going to this is the right thing to do. I just wish the thought didn’t terrify me so much. But it does, and I am still going to go. It’s the least I can do. To say sorry. To try and set something right.

The bathroom is almost empty and I step into one of the showers, starting to unbutton my shirt. I need to do this, however slowly. Slow steps. Slow steps will make some sort of difference. If I can step steadily enough, maybe I’ll walk the marathon in the end.

The shower is almost too hot when I step in, but I don’t flinch away. I just stand with the water running over me, so hot that it almost stings. I close my eyes. The water seems to be a decent enough distraction for me to think clearly with my eyes closed.

And I use it. I think. I think about before all this. I think about when I wasn’t by any means happy, but I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t about to go to the memorial service of a dead classmate.

* * *

I don’t actually realise how long I spend, standing with the water running over me, until there’s a knock on the door.   
“Albus?” Scorpius calls. “Are you okay?”   
“Yeah,” I turn off the shower slowly, beginning to shiver as I wrap the towel around myself and open the door. “What is it?”   
“You’ve been in there for quite a long time,” Scorpius smiles softly. “I thought I should make sure you were okay.”   
“Thanks,” I wipe the moisture off my hands and pick up my clothes. “I’ll be quick.”

Scorpius nods and I shut the cubicle door again, drying myself off and pulling my new shirt and trousers on. They’re normal. They’re part of a routine. And that is relatively calming.

I hang the towel up on the pegs and walk out into the hallway, where Scorpius is waiting for me. He smiles at me and I take a breath.   
“Are you okay?” Scorpius asks.

I nod and we start walking. Out the Common Room. Up the stairs to the Great Hall. Out into the grounds. It’s quiet and cold and I pull my robes closer around myself, shivering as cooling water drips down the back of my neck.

There is a crowd of students gathering by the lake and we speed up a little as we realise that we are probably late. This is confirmed as we get closer and Rose glares at us pointedly.   
“You’re late,” she hisses at me.   
“Sorry,” I mumble. “I didn’t realise how long I was in the shower for.”

It's small. It’s something that should be a joke, something to laugh over. And it can’t be. Because my life has now just become one distraction after another. The shower was just something else that kept my mind occupied for a bit.

Rose rolls her eyes and we look back at the lake silently. I try to catch my breath while simultaneously adopting a suitably sombre expression. It’s harder than I thought it would be. Because, no matter what, I can’t cry. I can’t give the wolves more food to play with.

There’s a boat that I recognise as one of the boats that First Years arrive in floating in the lake. It’s filled with blue and white flowers and the people I recognise vaguely as his friends stand around it, all holding more bunches of flowers and cards.

I don’t really react much as a few speeches are made. Talking about Craig. Talking about what he was like, how much we’ll all miss him. And something unpleasant hits me. I knew Craig for years. We shared a dormitory. And yet, I somehow knew almost nothing about him. I can’t help but hate myself for that.

I say nothing as I watch them push the boat away over the lake. It does not need guidance as it drifts in the vague direction of the shore where we caught the boats in our first year. As the wind starts to pick up again, I start shivering, leaning, for some reason, into Scorpius.

He doesn’t react, so I don’t move away. There’s something oddly comforting about him, being close to him. I feel safe. I feel like it doesn’t matter if I cry. It probably does. But I can’t justify why it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that wasn't too much.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/wattpad: evieadams273


	7. Three Months Too Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the service, Albus stays by the lake for a few minutes, trying to think clearly. He is joined by some unwelcome company.  
> Warnings: bullying (mainly emotional, some physical)

After the service draws to a close, people begin to disperse. Most go back to the castle, shivering in the cold. I stay, staring out at the lake as Rose starts to walk away. Scorpius offers me a slight smile and I bite my lip.  
“I’m going to go back to the castle,” he says quietly.  
“I…” I take a shaky breath. “I need to stay here. For a bit.”  
“Will you be okay?”

I nod and he starts to walk away. I watch him for a few minutes and then I walk towards the lake shore, sitting down slowly. It’s silent and I close my eyes slowly as the waves lap around my shoes. The world is near silent. For a few moments at least, the world is near silent. The reminders of how close I am to where we resurfaced after the second task don’t seem to matter. I can think about them without fear.

Scorpius’ screams of joy when he saw me, his smile and the strength with which he hugged me. It all comes back, a little at a time. He still found the strength to smile, after all of that. He still found the strength to be himself, to be Scorpius Malfoy. I cannot understand how, but I can at least aspire to that.  
“Potter.”

I jump slightly as someone sits down next to me, shrugging them off as they put an arm around me.  
“What?” I mutter, opening my eyes.

Zack Alderton is sat beside me, scowling. I stand up quickly. I really have no interest in what he wants.  
“I have some questions,” he says, remaining surprisingly calm.  
“I probably don’t have any answers,” I shrug. “So if you wouldn’t mind leaving alone, that would be appreciated. Thanks.”  
“No,” Zack stands up and grabs my hood, pulling me back as I turn to walk away. “You do have answers.”

I don’t reply, stopping suddenly. I pull my hood from his grasp, continuing to watch him, but stepping backward. He doesn’t step forward.  
“This service should have happened months ago,” he snaps. “Why didn’t it?”  
“I didn’t organise it,” I have very little interest in where this conversation is headed.  
“But you know why,” Zack says. “So spit it out.”

I take another step back as he starts to get angry. I don’t want to get into a fight. Not now. Though I’d imagine he does.  
“What makes you think I know?” I say slowly.  
“He went looking for you,” Zack points out. “The night he died, he was looking for you.”

A lump starts to form in my throat and I look up at the sky. This wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault that all this happened. I need to remember that. If I remind myself of it enough, maybe I’ll start to believe the crap that I tell myself.  
“I know how he died,” I mumble. “I don’t know why it’s been three months. I’m…I’m sorry.”  
“Bullshit,” Zack almost cuts me of. “That’s utter bullshit.”

I don’t reply.

“You were missing for weeks after he died. Why?”  
“You know why.”  
“That explanation,” he spits, “is not something I am inclined to believe.”  
“It’s the truth,” I say quietly. “You know as much as I do.”

Sometimes I’m grateful that the papers got hold of pretty much the entire story. It makes explanations that little easier to anyone willing to listen. I turn to walk back to the castle, shivering as the wind begins to pick up again. Zack grabs my hood again, jerking me backwards as he seizes the front of my robes. I attempt to pull myself away, but he doesn’t move, staring me down.  
“Don’t you think,” he snarls, “it’s a little strange that the daughter of Voldemort decided to torture her little brother.”  
“Shut up,” I snap. “He is not Voldemort’s child…”  
“Really?” Zack sneers. “Then why didn’t you fight her? Surely he asked you not to because dearest sister couldn’t get hurt, could she?”

I pull away from him again and this time he lets go, smirking at me as I stumble backwards, staring at him.  
“You think we wanted this?” I want to scream. “You think we wanted any of this?”

I don’t wait to hear his reply, knowing that it will end up resulting in pain, instead running back towards the castle. His shouts follow me and I try to ignore him. He’s wrong. Scorpius isn’t Voldemort’s child. We couldn’t have done anything. Craig’s death was not our fault. Craig’s death was a tragic murder that we could do nothing to stop. We cannot blame ourselves. We cannot.

I still do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is probably the first of many. Let's go.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/wattpad: evieadams273


	8. Time Spent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time begins to pass, and Albus begins to see more of the horrifying consequences of his friend's experiences. And it begins to break him.

I don’t mention the incident with Zack when I get back to the Common Room and Scorpius doesn’t ask if anything happened. He doesn’t need to know. He’s hurting too much to cope with this as well.

That night, for the time in months, he doesn’t sit working by the fireplace. He goes to bed at a reasonable time and I watch him fall asleep. Part of me expects him to struggle but he’s out cold, long before anyone else comes into the dormitory. I don’t want to question the apparent peace in his mind. Merlin knows he needs it.

The days begin to pass again and sometimes, if I shut my mind tightly enough, it feels as if nothing has happened. That is, of course, rare, because things have changed. It’s only too obvious how much things have changed.

Scorpius is quieter, increasingly more withdrawn, and I suppose I should have expected that. But his silence when we’re alone, his quietness in potions, it scares me. I need him. Whether or not he knows, I don’t know, but I need him. And yet, with every passing day he gets more and more distant.

We both go home over Christmas, and it’s quiet. I don’t leave my room much, spending most of my time trying to read. Occasionally someone comes into my room and I don’t stop them. Lily spends a lot of time with me, not trying to talk. We just sit, reading, on my bed.

Those moments are some of the better moments.

When we go back to school, Scorpius doesn’t talk much. For most of the journey back, he just sits silently, looking as if he’s buried, at a glance, in a book. It is obvious, quite quickly, that he isn’t actually reading, because he keeps forgetting to turn the page.

I try to make conversation a few times, but he just ignores me. I don’t press him. I know he struggles with the ever-present reminders of his mum over the holidays. And, given his muttering when he’s asleep, the ever-present reminders of his time in the other world. I can’t even bring myself to use names. I don’t know what those reminders are. He doesn’t talk about them.

During dinner, he barely touches the food on his plate, sitting in an eerie silence, staring down at the table. I try to get him to eat something, but he just ignores me.

And then we begin to settle into a routine. A new routine. Of silence and fear and nothing. I keep trying to talk to him, but he ignores me, visiting the library without me, moving when I sit near him.

It hurts. I don’t say how much it hurts because I don’t want to guilt-trip him into doing something he doesn’t want to. But it hurts so much. Because I need him.

I thought, after the months where dad kept us apart, we would make an effort not to fall apart again. I thought we’d make an effort to be there for each other and to not let each other fall. And here we are, further apart than I’d have ever imagined.

At least before, I’d known Scorpius had hated it too, had wanted to see me, talk to me. He doesn’t seem to want that anymore. And I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him.

Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter. Not very cheerful. Sorry about that. Might get worse from here on out.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/wattpad: evieadams273


	9. The Library Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After weeks of being ignored, Albus attempts to reach his friend again, without scaring him away.

I place the books down on the table, a little harder than I intended to, and Scorpius flinches slightly, not looking up.  
“Sorry,” I mumble, sitting down.

He doesn’t reply as I unscrew the lid on my ink bottle, dipping my quill in. I start writing slowly, trying to form words while concentrating on not looking at Scorpius. Normally when I sit down like this, I keep glancing at him and he eventually moves away. I don’t want that to happen today.

For a while, nothing happens. We sit, working separately, and nothing changes. Until I look up to see Scorpius, staring somewhat blankly at whatever he had been writing. Both his fists are clenched tightly, and he’s dropped his quill. Droplets of ink are now splattered across the parchment he was writing on.  
“Are you okay?” I ask quietly, despite myself.  
“Of course he isn’t,” someone calls from the other side of the room. “His guilty conscience has finally caught up with him.”

Scorpius doesn’t move, apparently ignoring the taunt. I stand up, walking over to its source. Unsurprisingly, it came from Zack Alderton and, fighting great temptation to roll my eyes; I stop in front of him.  
“Leave him alone.”  
“Oh, sorry,” Zack smirks. “Does that hurt his feelings”

I don’t reply, turning around and walking back to the desk where Scorpius and I were sat. Except Scorpius, and all of his things, are now gone. There’s no note, no sign of where he went. I sigh, closing my books and packing them into my bag. He used to leave a note when this happened. He used to wait for me.

Used to. He hasn’t for weeks. Not since this – whatever this is – started.

Zack watches me as I leave and I do my best to avoid his stares. It’s not worth it. It’s never going to be worth it.

* * *

The walk back to the Common Room is a long one. Every step I take is slow and heavy. Part of me wants to find Scorpius and just tell him what his silence is doing to me. Because it has been weeks and I don’t understand how he can keep isolating himself.

And at the same time, I am dreading the moment when I snap and talk to him or he talks to me. Last time, when it wasn’t one of us causing it, we argued for the first time. I don’t want to know what might happen this time.

I don’t want to argue with him again, because watching him in pain like that was beyond terrifying. Knowing that I caused him that. He was right when he told me that I was a terrible friend, and I’m glad he did, because I can see now. I can see myself outside of my own eyes. It’s just that he’s no longer here. Not really.

I don’t see Scorpius once I’ve muttered the password and pushed the Common Room door open. I walk towards the dormitories, wiping the sweat off my palms. I shouldn’t be scared, but I am. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I should know everything will be okay, but I don’t.

The hangings around Scorpius’ bed are closed, but they’re wobbling, and there isn’t a draught, so he hasn’t been in here long. I sit down on my bed, putting my books down beside me.  
“I’m here,” I say quietly, “if you need me.”

Unsurprisingly, there isn’t a reply and I lie back, closing my eyes slowly. I’ve just about managed to stop the flashes from entering my mind when I shut my eyes. The silence, constant and unbending, doesn’t make it easy, but I manage it for the most part.

It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I try to remind myself of what happened, putting it in perspective is always the hardest part. It’s not difficult to remember that I probably got Craig killed. It takes effort to remind myself that _she_ kidnapped us and tortured Scorpius. Although, thinking about it, that was something I could have stopped if I’d just been a little bit braver.

But I wasn’t, and now Scorpius has barely said more than one word to me in weeks. Because I fucked up so badly. This is my fault, isn’t it? It’s my fault she hurt him. It’s my fault he doesn’t want anything to do with my. So this is what I deserve.

I sit up again quickly, blinking back tears. I can’t let my thoughts spiral. Things will go beyond hell if I let myself spiral. So, I look across to Scorpius’ bed.

The hangings are no longer closed. He has gone, but there is a note on his pillow. I stand up, walking over and picking it up. And as I read, my heart starts to crack inside my chest. Hundreds of suggestions and ideas fly into my head, trying to make sense of it. Except there are too many and I yell out, forcing them to stop. I need to think slowly, clearly. It doesn’t matter why Scorpius is in detention with Professor Slughorn, not right now anyway. The fact remains that he is. And he didn’t tell me.

And all I can do is wait for him to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is getting sad.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/wattpad: evieadams273


	10. Pieced Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus tries to work out why Scorpius has been given detention, and begins to discover more about what his friend is going through.

Predictably, Scorpius doesn’t say anything when he comes back into the dormitory, later that evening. He’s holding two sheets of parchment. One is another note. And I don’t see the second sheet because he tears it up shakily, dropping it into the bin next to the door. Then he sits down on his bed, closing the hangings silently.

I stand up, walking to the bin to look at what he ripped up. At this point, if there is anything, anything at all, that I can do to help him, I’m going to do it. Or I’m going to try. Because he doesn’t deserve this, deserve detentions and punishment for something he probably cannot change.

I pull one of the piece out, frowning. It’s written in Scorpius’ handwriting, but it’s barely legible, unlike his normally-perfect writing.

From what I can decipher, it’s his potions essay. We were set it weeks ago and I am reasonably sure that we did this together, or our new form of together. However, the ink is still smudging beneath my fingertips. It was written this evening, likely finished in the last twenty minutes or so.

I glance back at his bed, which is still silent, and then I scoop the scraps of parchment out of the bin. I hurry back into the Common Room, grabbing a new roll of parchment, a quill, and some ink. I don’t care if Scorpius doesn’t even acknowledge this. He isn’t going to keep getting detentions because of it. Somehow or other, I will get enough information from him to help.

The Common Room is reasonably quiet and I sit down at a desk, spreading out the essay. It’s reasonably obvious as to which pieces are the first and second, but then it becomes more difficult to tell. I copy out the first pieces, slowly trying to work out what he’s written. I can’t imagine what he was reliving when he tried to write this. And I have no idea why he didn’t just stop.

* * *

It takes a while, but eventually, I manage to copy over the majority of the essay, and where I can’t decipher his handwriting at all, I make the most educated guess that I can. When it’s done, I close the ink bottle and pick everything up, walking back towards the dormitory.

Scorpius is still awake, staring silently into space as I sit down opposite him, putting the quill and ink down. I place the original essay beside them and then I walk over to Scorpius’ bed, holding the legible copy.   
“Hey,” I crouch down next to his bed. “How are you doing?”

He doesn’t ignore me, but he doesn’t reply, rolling over onto his side. I don’t allow myself to smile. That’s more of a reaction than I have elicited from him in a long time.  
“The essay that you binned,” I say quietly, “I wrote it out for you. If you needed to hand it in.”

The silence continues and I place the essay beside him, standing up and taking a deep breath. I need to say this now. Otherwise it’ll never get said. Whatever happens, saying it is the right thing to do. I think I could convince myself of that.  
“Look, Scorpius,” I say slowly, “I know you’re listening to me, so I’m just going to say this. Whatever the reason is that you’re ignoring me, it’s your reason. I can accept that you have that, but I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt like hell.”

Scorpius doesn’t say anything and I find my hands starting to clench into fists. I start to pace to relieve the building frustration, walking up and down the dormitory a couple of times before stopping and leaning against my bedpost.   
“It’s okay,” I mumble, “if I’m not your best friend anymore. Things change and that’s okay. But you’re still my friend. And I’m going to help you.”  
“I don’t need help.”

I jump slightly as Scorpius grunts the words, still unmoving. And then I kneel down next to him again, watching his unsteady breathing. He doesn’t move and I take another deep breath.  
“How many times have you had detention?” I ask quietly, half-expecting him not to answer.  
“That was the third time.”  
“You’re brilliant at potions,” I point out. “You shouldn’t be getting detentions for slightly dodgy handwriting.”  
“I don’t need your help, Albus.”  
“What if I copied out your essays for you? If they’re legible, you’ll stop getting in trouble.”  
“You don’t have time–”  
“I’ll make time,” I say firmly. “Please. Scorpius.”

He sits up slowly, turning around to face me. I smile softly at him, trying not to focus on the life missing from his eyes. He doesn’t smile back and I look at his hands. They’re shaking, not particularly violently, but constantly.   
“Hey,” I murmur, taking his hands gently. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. I promise it’s going to be okay.”

He slides down onto the floor and I pull him into a hug, smiling. He holds onto me and I don’t move.  
“The others…”  
“They aren’t here,” I say. “I won’t hug you…if you don’t want that…”  
“Not around other people,” he mumbles.  
“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked planning that. Hoped you liked it.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	11. For Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a while, things appear to get better. However, appearances can be deceiving.  
> Warning: possible character death

Scorpius doesn’t begin to talk to me immediately, which is understandable. However, he does try, and that is something I will be eternally grateful for, from now until forever. When his homework is illegible, once I’ve finished my own, Scorpius lets me copy his out. He stops getting detentions and my marks and organisation actually start to improve because I’m so desperate to make time for his work, which always teaches me something.

Things don’t return to normal, simply because it’s impossible for us to go back to before Delphi. That’s okay, in my head, at least. I assume it’s okay in Scorpius’ head too, because he attempts to start speaking a little more. It doesn’t take us back to her, or before her, rather it takes us both forward. To a place where we are scared, but we know we are safe. Where we are alone, but we know we are loved. Where we are here, and we can be secure in that.

Days pass in weeks. We muddle our way through, as best we can. I still have nightmares, as does Scorpius, but they get better. I don’t know whether Scorpius’ do completely – it’s just something else I assume. I should probably stop making assumptions like this. Except I don’t.

Because he doesn’t say anything and, if I’m honest with myself, a small part of myself is scared to ask. If I ask and he isn’t okay, I don’t know how I could actually help him.

* * *

At the beginning of April, one afternoon, we walk down the grounds and I settle with my transfiguration textbook a few feet from the shade of a tree. I’m not close to the forest or the lake or the Quidditch Pitch, and I have a distraction. I’m going to be okay.

Scorpius flops down on the grass beside me, lying back and staring up at the sky. He’s been quieter in the last few days, but I haven’t mentioned it other than to ask if he’s okay. When he shrugs it off as if nothing is different, I don’t push him.

After a few minutes, he stands up again and I look up from the paragraph that I am attempting to make sense of.   
“You okay?”   
“Yeah,” he nods slowly. “Just wanted to – do – something.”   
“Okay,” I smile.

He half-smiles back before turning and walking towards the tree. I close the book slowly, watching him pull himself up onto the first branch before looking around himself to carefully calculate his next move.

I don’t think either of us have ever climbed a tree before here and I doubt he ever has, given that most of his childhood stories seem to be about books. However, when he climbs, he looks as if he’s done it a hundred times before. Every new branch is tested, calculated, and depended on only for as long as is absolutely necessary.

The grounds are reasonably quiet, which is slightly surprising given that it’s a nice day in April. I am not, however, complaining. It’s a half-decent mercy that no one is here to mock us. I think most of them would climb a tree to mock Scorpius for being the first to climb the tree.

I turn around for a moment to pull something out of my bag and there is a sudden scream of pain. I bolt up, trying to shake the memories rushing through my head. That scream was from Scorpius. I’d know it anywhere because I hear it every single night when I sleep. I look at the tree, and when I don’t see him, I look below it.

He is lying, face-down and unmoving on the grass. I sprint towards him, crashing to a stop on the floor beside him. He’s landed on his left arm, and the other is laid out to the side of him, apparently uninjured.

I place my hand on his shoulder, trying to wake him up gently. When he doesn’t stir, I feel the bile starting to rise in my throat. He’s not dead. He can’t be dead. Please don’t let him be dead.  
“Scorpius,” I murmur in his ear. “Scorpius!”

He doesn’t move and start to lose control, standing up at stumbling backwards. I look around myself, trying to find someone else in the grounds. And then I look back at him, starting to scream. He doesn’t like look Craig did. He doesn’t look peaceful. He looks broken. No. I shake myself. No. He isn’t dead.   
“Help!” I scream. “Someone! Help me! Please!”

But no one comes and my screams fade into sobs as I collapse next to Scorpius again, waiting desperately to see if anyone is going to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally spent all of yesterday singing Dear Evan Hansen. Going to spend tonight doing the same. This seemed a fitting coincidence.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	12. Dark Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus waits with Scorpius in the Hospital Wing, processing what has happened. And then his thoughts turn darker.

Eventually, someone does find us. A Ravenclaw prefect. She helps me carry Scorpius up to the Hospital Wing, and once we’ve lain him down, she offers to find Madam Pomfrey. I stammer out a thank you, my mind still slow and blank. My best friend is lying unconscious in front of me and I know enough about human anatomy to know that his arm, if not more, is broken. And he still hasn’t woken up.   
“Out of the way,” Madam Pomfrey bustles past me, wand in hand.

I step to the left quickly, accidentally bumping into the Ravenclaw prefect.   
“Sorry.”   
“It’s fine,” she says. “I just hope he’s going to be okay.”   
“Of course he will,” Madam Pomfrey half-barks. “This room has seen much worse than a broken arm and cracked ribs.”

I nod, continuing to stare, almost blankly at him. I don’t understand. Before I had looked away, I could have sworn that every move he made was more than calculated. Watching him climb had been like watching someone who had been planning their route for months. And even if it hadn’t been planned for months, Scorpius is smart enough not to put all his weight on one weak branch. But he did and he fell and now he is unconscious in the Hospital Wing, with a broken arm and cracked ribs. None of it makes any sense.

After a while, I realise that Madam Pomfrey is gone and I walk slowly towards the chair by the bed.   
“Thank you,” I mumble to the Ravenclaw girl. “For helping me.”   
“No worries,” she smiles. “Will you let me know if he’s okay?”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “What’s your name? So I can find you.”   
“Izzy,” she says. “Izzy Walker.”   
“Thank you, Izzy.”

She walks away through the Hospital Wing door and I sit down in the chair, part of me desperate to take Scorpius’ hand. I just want, need, some sort of reassurance that he is going to be all right. We came through everything, not unscathed, but alive. We can’t fall now. We can’t have come through everything only to crash and burn now.

I shake myself. We haven’t fallen. We’re not burning. He’s okay. His arm is back to normal, lain over the covers. I can’t see his ribs and, while I hope they’re no longer cracked, his chest is probably bruised. Not unscathed, but alive.

* * *

I don’t move for the rest of the day. I just sit, thinking the same thoughts, trying to piece together the same reasons. I don’t think I notice the time passing. There isn’t a clock in here, and I don’t own a watch. So, I don’t know how long it has been when Scorpius wakes up.   
“Hey,” he looks at me.   
“Hey,” I look at him quickly, jumping at his voice. “Hey. Are you okay?”   
“Yeah,” Scorpius starts to nod before wincing. “What…”   
“You broke your ribs,” I say quietly. “They’re probably still slightly bruised.”

There is a silence and I take a deep, shaky breath. I can’t ask him those questions yet. I can’t ask him to focus on that now. But I need to. I need to know that he is okay. “Scorpius…” I start slowly. “Are you okay? I mean, really, really okay?”   
“Getting better,” Scorpius doesn’t look at me.   
“Scorpius,” I look at him helplessly. “Are you sure? I…” Silence. “Sorry.”

Scorpius nods and I close my eyes slowly. Questions and answers can wait. Starting to help my friend needs to come first. So it’s going to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for this. Not really. I love it.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	13. Before Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco comes to see Scorpius in the Hospital Wing and Albus begins to realise what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - mentions of suicide

We sit for a long time, silent, before much happens. That isn’t a bad thing. I have a feeling Scorpius doesn’t want to talk, and I don’t want to pressure him. At one point, Izzy comes back carrying the things I abandoned in the grounds. She says hello to Scorpius but he doesn’t respond. She doesn’t mind. She understands. I thank her and she leaves.

About half an hour later, the Hospital Wing door opens again and Scorpius looks at who walks in before looking away, staring into space. I look back, slightly surprised to see Draco Malfoy walking towards us. He smiles softly at his son, who doesn’t respond, though I know that he saw it.

That worries me, because the last time I saw Scorpius with his dad, he was the happiest I had seen him in a long time. And now he won’t even look at him.   
“Scorpius?” Draco says gently, sitting down opposite me. “How are you doing?”   
“I’m fine,” Scorpius mumbles, not looking up.

Draco doesn’t say anything, looking at me. I avoid eye-contact. Scorpius probably doesn’t want to talk and I won’t do anything to force him. Part of me thinks I should try to read the textbook that Izzy returned, but another part of me points out that leaving Scorpius effectively alone when he is attempting to ignore his dad is a bad idea. I try to think of something to say. Nothing comes.

I look at Draco again as I realise there is something different about him. His hair is different. It’s likely that he rushed to get here and his hair isn’t a mess, but it is half-done, the top in a short ponytail. The rest is spread around his shoulders, a little messy.

Scorpius’ hands are shaking. He’s moved them so Draco cannot see this, but I see. And I don’t know what to do. I want to help him, but I don’t know how to comfort him without Draco seeing. So I don’t do anything.

The silence, constant and mildly unnerving, continues until Scorpius begins to drift off to sleep. Draco watches him intently for a few minutes, and then he turns to me.   
“What happened?”   
“Scorpius was climbing a tree,” I explain quietly. “I looked away and when I looked back, he was on the ground.”   
“Did someone push him?”   
“No.”   
“Are you absolutely sure?”   
“Yes.”

Draco looks at Scorpius, crossing his face. I am well aware of the thoughts crossing through his head, and well aware that he is about to fire a hundred questions at me.   
“Has he been okay recently?”   
“He’s been very quiet.” There is very little point in lying. “We’ve started talking again, thank Dumbledore.”   
“You stopped talking?” A look of pure terror crosses his face when I nod.

I can see him attempting to dodge around his questions, ask them sensitively, and I resist the urge to just say it for him.   
“Could it be possible–”   
“Yes,” I interrupt. “Yes, it could be.”

The little colour in Draco’s cheeks drains away and he looks at Scorpius again, tears springing into his eyes. I bite my lip. I was too blunt, solely because I really don’t want to discuss it. I want to talk to Scorpius, try to work out how to help him.   
“Has he said anything?”   
“He hasn’t. I – I pushed him a little too hard when he woke up.”   
Draco nods. “If anything changes when I go home–”   
“I’m not going to tell you,” I interrupt again. “Whatever he tells me, he’ll be telling _me_ only. If he wants you to know something, he will tell you, or I will, but only at his instructions.”

Surprisingly, Draco does not object, nodding. I’m glad. I would defend Scorpius’ privacy to my last breath, and I have very little interest in getting into an argument now, especially not with his dad.

Draco smiles gratefully at me. I don’t return it, because it feels a little awkward. As time draws on, the likelihood of Scorpius’ actions being purposeful grows in my mind, until I am almost entirely convinced.

My best friend, my only friend, tried to kill himself.

I think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	14. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus is instructed to find some food after spending the majority of the day at Scorpius' bedside. He does so, but is interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Emotional Bullying

A few hours later, after Draco leaves, Madam Pomfrey insists that I go to dinner, eat something, go to bed, and come back in the morning. Because Scorpius is still asleep, I agree and trudge down to the Great Hall.

The staircases are mainly quiet, and the noise emanating from the hall suggests that I’m reasonably late for dinner, or later than everyone else, because dinner isn’t a specified time. I try to slip into the hall without being noticed and Rose catches my eye, frowning, I assume, at Scorpius’ absence.

I ignore her. The school will find out eventually. She can find out with the rest of them. It’s not as if she’ll care that much. It’s not as anyone will care that much. It’ll just be another talking point, another laughing point.

I sit down at the end of the Slytherin table, putting a little bit of space between myself and the closest group of chattering students. They’re completely oblivious and I both hate it, and am immensely grateful for it. At least they don’t have to experience this pain. No matter how much I hated them, I would never wish this feeling on anyone.

This fear, this hurt, that I’ve only had for a matter of hours. And yet it is eating me alive. I need to eat something so that Madam Pomfrey will let me back in tomorrow morning. I need to eat. But I feel so unwell that I don’t think I could even force food down my throat.   
“Hello,” Zack sits down next to me, smirking.   
“Fuck off,” I mutter, starting to stand up.   
“Oh, Albus.” A hand, belonging to Max Coleman, lands on my shoulder. “Where are you going?”   
“Nowhere,” I snap, shrugging him off.   
“Where’s your friend?” Max grins.   
“I don’t know,” I lie.   
“Bullshit,” Zack continues to smirk. “You two are so inseparable it’s a wonder you aren’t making out with each other.”

I don’t respond to that. I should be able to snap back at him that he’s talking out of his arse, but there’s something about his words that hits home. Maybe it’s because, every time he talks about Rose, my stomach pangs with a strange mix of jealousy and fear.

Fear that, in the unlikely event that he asks her out and she says yes, he would start to ignore me. In all honesty, I don’t think that he even could ignore me, but that fear is still incredibly present.

I don’t know why the jealousy surfaces. I’m not jealous of Scorpius getting a girlfriend. I don’t want a girlfriend. I’m not trying to reassure myself when I think that. I am just very, very sure that I do not want a girlfriend. But I still feel jealous when Scorpius talks about Rose.

Albus, stop. Not important right now.

I start to walk away and the footsteps follow me. I turn around, sighing in exasperation. “Why are you so obsessed with being such dicks?” I snap.

I step backwards quickly as Max stalks towards me, scowling. He isn’t much larger than me, but if he decides to start hitting me, I wouldn’t stand a chance.   
“Leave me alone,” I start to walk away again.   
“No,” Zack grabs my hood. “Not before you grow up and accept that we want answers.”   
“If this is about Craig,” I say, “please leave me alone. That was months ago, and I really don’t want to think about that right now.”   
“Why not? Guilty conscience?”

I am about to make a run for it, hoping that I might be able to make it somewhere safe, when Rose appears behind them, smiling serenely.  
“Albus,” she takes my arm. “I was wondering where you were.”   
“Were you really?” Zack sneers.   
“Yes,” Rose looks back at them. “Mum asked me to tell you something. As a family friend. Could we go somewhere more private?”   
“Yeah, sure,” I shrug, following her out into the Entrance Hall.

I can see through her act, as can most people, I imagine, but I’m still grateful. The likelihood is that it would have gotten very violent if she hadn’t interfered.   
“Thank you,” I mumble. “For stopping them.”

I turn to go to the Common Room but Rose stops me gently. I turn back and she pulls me into a hug. It’s surprisingly comforting and I hold on tightly, tears springing into my eyes.   
“Mum did ask me to tell you something,” Rose says quietly.   
“Yeah?”   
“It’s going to be all right,” she smiles. “It’s going to get better.”   
I nod. “Please don’t tell Scorpius about them.”   
“Albus–”   
“Please.”   
She nods slowly. “Okay.”   
“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Zack is a dick. Fun, fun, fun.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	15. Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus attempts to talk to Scorpius about what happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of suicide

Scorpius is awake when I get back early the next morning. He offers me a small, weak smile when I sit down, which I return gratefully. His hand isn’t shaking, but he hasn’t touched the food on the table beside him.   
“How are you feeling?” I ask slowly.   
“Like hell.”   
“Do you want to eat something?”

He shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling and wincing slightly. I imagine that his ribs are still reasonably painful.   
“Scorpius,” I say quietly. “Are you…are you okay?”   
“Apart from the fact that breathing hurts?”   
“In general. Are you okay?”   
“I’m fine,” Scorpius frowns at me.   
“Why?”   
“You…” I trail off.   
“I fell,” Scorpius says firmly. “I put my foot on the wrong branch and I slipped.”   
“You were completely sure of yourself,” I try not to be accusative. “You were calculating every single movement.”   
“I made a mistake.”   
“In the one moment I looked away?”   
“A badly-timed mistake.”   
“Scorpius…”   
“What?” Scorpius almost snaps and I pull myself back. “What would you like me to say?”   
“I don’t know,” I admit quietly.   
“Then let’s not talk about it now,” Scorpius turns away from me.

I bite my lip as his hand starts to shake. It’s small at first, but he’s scared of it, judging by the fact that he’s starting to clench it into a fist. Despite myself, I reach out and take it gently, trying not to agitate him more.   
“When did dad leave?” Scorpius doesn’t take his hand back.   
“A couple of hours after you fell asleep,” I am about to ask something else, but I stop. “He was really scared.”   
“He didn’t say that.”   
“He asked me something,” I mumble.   
“What?”   
I take a deep breath, trying to blink back tears. “He asked me if you jumped.”

Scorpius eyes start to swim with tears and he lets go of my hand. I don’t say anything, watching him pick up the water on the bedside table. The silence is heavy and uncomfortable, but I don’t break it. This is Scorpius’ call to make. I’ll wait for him.   
“I keep hearing things,” Scorpius’ voice is almost inaudible. “In my head.”   
“Oh,” I don’t know how to respond.   
“I keep trying,” Scorpius croaks. “I keep trying to get rid of her, but I can’t. She keeps getting inside my head and I…I can’t…”

He takes my hand again, clinging to it tightly. I crouch beside the bed, pulling him into the gentlest hug that I can manage. He falls into me weakly, starting to cry.   
“I’m scared, Albus,” he whispers. “I’m so scared. All the time.”   
“It’s all right,” I murmur. “It’s all right. I’m here.”

He pulls away suddenly, eyeing me nervously. I can see his mind working, made ever faster by the fear.   
“Dad…”   
“I am not going to tell him anything,” I promise. “He asked me if I would. I told him that he would not hear anything from me because it’s your decision as to what he knows.”

Scorpius nods slowly and I smile at him. He leans towards me again, laying his head on my shoulder.   
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry I thought it would stop it. I thought it would be easier. I…”   
“No,” I say firmly. “No, Scorpius. I’m sorry. I should have done more for you. I shouldn’t have assumed you were okay. And I won’t from here on out. I will make sure.”   
“Thank you,” Scorpius whispers.

Behind me, the Hospital Wing door opens and Scorpius pulls away from me sharply, grimacing in pain. I smile gently at him and he returns it, something which I am eternally grateful for.   
“Please don’t hug me when we’re not alone,” Scorpius mumbles. “I don’t…”   
“Okay,” I nod. “That’s fine.”   
“Thank you,” Scorpius says again.

He looks down and I turn around to see who is behind me. Rose is walking towards us, holding something wrapped in napkins. She smiles awkwardly.  
“I didn’t see you at breakfast, Albus,” she says, “so I brought you some bread.” “Thanks.”

I take it and unwrap it slowly, offering some to Scorpius. He doesn’t take any so I take a slice and put it on his bedside table. After eating nothing last night, I am now starving, but I had wanted to see Scorpius first. Rose probably knows that. It’s probably why she came.

It’s going to be okay. If I promise myself that, it might eventually become the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	16. Want Or Need?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being discharged from the Hospital Wing, Scorpius insists on doing his homework again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of suicide

Scorpius does eat a little bit as the morning draws on and when Madam Pomfrey discharges him, his arm in a sling to take the pressure off his ribs, he walks straight to the Common Room to find his bag. I follow him, waiting by the dormitory door as he gathers his things.

I didn’t notice yesterday, but all of his things are organised even more impeccably than usual, laid out in a logical fashion, so that you can see almost everything. The labels are all obvious and visible. So that someone else could understand it. Because he didn’t expect to come back.   
“Albus?”

I snap back to the present, blinking back tears and smiling quickly. We move forward from here. We look back only to keep us moving forward. Otherwise we’re never going to get anywhere.   
“Yeah?”   
“Are you coming?” Scorpius asks. “I’m going to the library.”   
“Uh, yeah,” I nod quickly. “Do you want me to carry that?”   
“Thanks,” Scorpius smiles, passing the bag to me.

I am not entirely sure why he wants to work now, though he does use it as a distraction most of the time. It’s not healthy, but if he wants to now, then I’m not going to stop him. He is my best friend. I will respect his actions. Mostly.

We walk back out through the Common Room, ignoring whatever stares we get. They don’t matter. Scorpius walks quickly, his face a mask of concentration, and I have to jog to catch up with him more than once. The third time, I put a hand on his shoulder gently, stopping him. He jumps, looking at me suddenly.   
“Hey,” I say softly. “Are you okay?”   
“Yes,” Scorpius keeps walking. “Scorpius.”   
“I don’t know,” Scorpius snaps suddenly. “I don’t know why she won’t leave me alone. I keep trying. I–”   
“I know,” I interrupt gently. “It’s all right.”

Scorpius nods before he starts to walk again, a little more slowly this time. He looks more aware of his surroundings now, as if he cares. And that’s enough at this point. As long as he knows whatever he’s hearing in his head isn’t really there.

* * *

When he arrive at the library, Scorpius goes immediately to our normal spot, pulling a half-finished essay from his bag, followed by writing utensils. I didn’t bring anything with me, so I pull a book off the shelf and start reading.

I assume Scorpius starts to work, and a few minutes later, I look up from my book to see him swearing under his breath. Attempting to ignore the alarms ringing in my head, I try to work out what has happened, rather than concentrate on the fact that Scorpius _never_ swears. Ever.

There is ink flooding out of the overturned pot, soaking into the desk and Scorpius’ parchment. Scorpius keeps trying to pick it up, but he just keeps knocking it back over; his hands are shaking, almost uncontrollably.

I drop my book, grabbing the ink pot and closing it as I set it upright. Scorpius’ hand freezes in mid-air before dropping silently into the pool of ink. I pull out my wand, muttering a quiet ‘Tergeo’. The ink disappears and the only thing left of the mess is the parchment, still soaked, and Scorpius’ shaking hand.

I peel the parchment off the desk and carry it over to the bin, dropping it in. The ink leaves a few spots on my hands, but I just wipe the residue onto my roves, sitting down again.   
“Albus,” Scorpius looks at me, then down at his hand.

When he realises it’s still shaking, he closes his hand into a fist slowly, putting it down beside him.   
“Do you want to dictate?” I ask. “What?”   
“Your hand is shaking,” I try to be sensitive. “Do you want me to write? And, before you ask, I finished all my work yesterday.”

I take the spare sheet of parchment from beside him, reopening the ink and dipping the quill in.   
“Take it away,” I smile at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	17. Roses and Acorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Scorpius asks Rose out, he and Albus talk about it afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of suicide

Scorpius runs ahead of me, giggling, almost madly. I follow him, still trying to work out how I feel about what he has just done.   
“I can’t quite believe I just did that,” he squeaks as we find an empty classroom.   
“I can’t quite believe you did that either,” I say slowly.   
“Rose Granger-Weasley,” Scorpius’ voice rises. “I asked out Rose Granger-Weasley!”   
“And. She. Said. No!”   
“But I asked her,” Scorpius says. “I planted the acorn. The acorn that _will_ grow into our eventual marriage.”   
“You are an utter fantasist,” I raise my eyebrows, “you are aware of that?”   
“And I’d agree with you,” Scorpius grins, “only Polly Chapman did ask me to the school ball, so…”   
“In an alternate reality,” I point out, “where you were significantly – _really_ significantly more popular – a different girl asked you out. Which would mean–”   
“Yes,” Scorpius nods, “logic would dictate that I should be pursuing Polly – or allowing her to pursue me – she is a notorious beauty after all – but a Rose,” he squeaks, “is a Rose.”  
“You know that logic would dictate that you are a freak? Rose hates you.”   
“Oh correction,” Scorpius grins again, still surprisingly triumphant, “she used to hate me, but did you see the look in her eyes when I asked her? That wasn’t hate, that was pity.”   
“And pity’s good?”   
“Pity is a start, my friend, a foundation on which to build a palace – a palace of love.”

I shake my head, still laughing. I don’t know if it is funny or not. Scorpius seems happy, and I should be glad. I am. I think I am. And yet, when he asked her, I kept feeling this sharp pang. Even when it was immediately obvious that she was going to say no, I still felt this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I try to shake it away as it starts to make a return. Scorpius is smiling. That is enough. In the month since the event that has come to be known solely as ‘that thing’ or ‘the incident’, he’s barely registered anything. And now he’s smiling. I can’t complain.   
“I honestly thought I’d be the first of us to get a girlfriend,” I shake my head.

It’s a lie. I don’t want a girlfriend.

“You will, undoubtedly,” Scorpius nods, “probably that new smoky-eyed potions professor – she’s old enough for you, right?”   
“I do not have a thing about older women!” I insist, somewhat angrily.

I don’t. I’ve spent months in my head trying to work myself out, and I don’t think I ever had a crush on Delphi. Sure, she became one of the most trusted people in my existence, almost instantly, but I felt _so_ alone. Looking back, I think that I saw her more as an aunt, or just an adult I could actually rely on.

Because that had been what I’d needed. I had needed an adult who trusted me, who I could trust, because I couldn’t rely on dad. Or mum. Because I couldn’t trust that anything I said to mum wouldn’t eventually make its way to dad.   
“And you’ve got time,” Scorpius continues, “you’ll have years to – seduce her. Because Rose is going to take ages to persuade.”   
“I admire your confidence,” I laugh.

Scorpius nods, smiling, and a figure appears in the doorway, also smiling. Rose walks in and Scorpius freezes, looking between me and her. The back of his hair is stuck up slightly and I try not to giggle.   
“This,” Rose says, “is only going to be weird if you let it be weird.”   
“Received and entirely understood.”   
“Okay,” Rose pauses, grinning. “Scorpion King.”

She walks out again, laughing to herself. Scorpius lets out a breath, relaxing a little, and I shake my head.   
“Maybe you’re right,” I say. “Pity is a start.”   
“Are you coming to Quidditch?” Scorpius asks suddenly. “Slytherin are playing Hufflepuff – it’s a big one–” “I thought we hated Quidditch?”   
“People can change,” Scorpius shrugs. “Besides, I’ve been practising. I think I might make the team eventually. Come on.”  
“I can’t. Dad’s arranged to come up.”   
“He’s taking time away from the Ministry?” Scorpius frowns.   
“He wants to go on a walk – something to show me – share with me – something.”   
“A walk?”   
“I know,” I nod. “I think it’s a bonding thing.” We walk towards each other, pretending to vomit, before laughing. “Still, you know. I think I’ll go.”

Scorpius nods, and there is a moment of silence before he crashes into me, hugging me tightly. I lean into him, surprised that he’s doing this, after asking me to only hug him when we’re alone.   
“What’s this?” I say. “I thought we decided we don’t hug.”   
“I wasn’t sure,” Scorpius starts to ramble. “Whether we should. In this – new version of us – I had in my head.”

I understand what he’s trying to say, at least I hope I do. And I won’t complain. His hugs, for some reason, are comforting beyond any level of description. And I need that right now. I am terrified of seeing dad.   
“Better ask Rose if it’s the right thing to do,” I smile.   
“Ha!” Scorpius pulls away. “Yeah. Right.”

He walks away and I watch him, smiling softly. His smiles are so rare, and I am eternally grateful to see one appear on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was vaguely cheerful.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	18. A Nice Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Harry climb a hill to visit a graveyard. It comes down to them having a much-needed heart-to-heart.

We are silent for a long time as we climb up the hill slowly, the sun shining on our faces. Part of me regrets wearing my hoodie, but I don’t take it off. As we reach the top, we stop, looking out at the view.  
“So,” dad says, “are you ready?”  
“Ready for what?”  
“Well,” dad launches into what I assume is a prepared speech, “there’s the fourth-year exams – then the fifth year – big year – in my fifth again I did–”

He cuts himself off, looking at me. I don’t say anything, staring awkwardly at the ground. He keeps rambling, a little more slowly.  
“I did a lot of stuff,” he says. “Some of it good. Some of it bad. A lot of it quite confusing.”  
“Good to know,” I mumble.

Dad smiles and I look away awkwardly, searching for something to talk about. For some reason, my mind lands on Godric’s Hollow. So that’s what I talk about.  
“I got to watch them,” I say quietly, “you know – for a bit – your mum and dad. They were – you had fun together. Your dad used to love to do this smoke ring thing with you where you…” I trail off. “Well, you couldn’t stop giggling.”  
“Yes?”  
“I think you’d have liked them. And I think their grandchildren would have liked them too.”

Dad nods slowly and I swallow. At this point, I have run out of things to say, and I’m waiting. As is he, I think.  
“You know,” he says, very quietly, “I thought I’d lost him – Voldemort – I thought I’d lost him – and then my scar started hurting again and I had dreams of him and I could even speak Parseltongue again and I started to feel like I’d not changed at all – that he’d never let me go–”  
“And had he?”  
“The part of me that was Voldemort died a long time ago,” dad nods, “but it wasn’t enough to be physically rid of him – I had to be mentally rid of him. And now I am. And that – that is a lot to learn for a forty-year-old man.”

He looks at me and I don’t say anything. I don’t know whether he expects me to. I hope he doesn’t.  
“That thing I said to you,” he said suddenly, “it was unforgiveable – and I can’t ask you to forget it, but I’m going to try to be a better dad for you Albus. I am going to try and – be honest with you and…”  
“Dad,” I’m mumbling again, “you don’t need to–”  
“You told me you don’t thing I’m scared of anything,” dad sounds as if he’s starting to cry, “and that – I mean, I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of that dark, did you know that?”  
“Harry Potter is afraid of the dark?”  
“I don’t like small spaces,” dad is very quiet now, “and – I’ve never told anyone this but I don’t much like,” he pauses, “pigeons.”  
“You don’t like pigeons?” I smile slightly.  
“Nasty pecky, dirty things,” dad wrinkles his nose. “They give me the creeps.”  
“But pigeons are harmless,” I find myself laughing.  
“I know,” dad chuckles. “But the thing that scares me most, Albus Severus Potter, is being a dad to you. Because I’m operating without wires here. Most people at least have a dad to base themselves on – and either try to be or try not to be. I’ve got nothing – or very little. So, I’m learning, okay? And I’m going to try with everything I’ve got – to be a good dad for you.”  
“And I’m going to try and be a better son. I know I’m not James, dad. I’ll never be like you two–”  
“James is nothing like me.”  
“Isn’t he?”  
“Everything comes easy for James,” dad says. “My childhood was a constant struggle.”  
“So was mine,” I cut myself off. “So you’re saying – am I – like you?”  
Dad smiles at me. “Actually, you’re more like your mum – bold, fierce, funny – which I love – which I think makes you a pretty great son.”

I don’t reply, a lump starting to form in my throat, I keep thinking about one thing. I keep seeing one thing. Over and over and over.  
“I almost destroyed the world,” I blink back tears.  
“Hey, hey,” dad puts a hand on my shoulder. “Delphi wasn’t going anywhere, Albus – you brought her out into the light. You found a way for us to fight her. You may not see it now, but you saved us.”  
“But shouldn’t I have done better?”  
“You don’t think I ask myself the same questions?”  
“And then,” my stomach begins to sink, “when we caught her – I just wanted to kill her.”

I wish I hadn’t said anything. Everything I did was one huge, fucked-up mistake. All of it. Because I got angry and couldn’t control myself.  
“You watched her murder Craig,” dad says gently, “you were angry, Albus, and that’s okay. And you wouldn’t have done it.”  
“How do you know that?” I snap quietly. “Maybe that’s my Slytherin side. Maybe that’s what the Sorting Hat saw in me.”  
“I don’t understand much about your head, Albus,” dad looks at me, “you know what, you’re a teenager. I shouldn’t be able to understand your head, but I do understand your heart.”

I nod, taking a slight step backwards. Whether or not it’s intentional, I don’t know, but he’s slipping back to anger. I don’t say anything.  
“I didn’t,” he continues, “for a long time – but thanks to this – I know what you’ve got in there. Slytherin, Gryffindor, whatever label you’ve been given – I know that heart is a good one.” He laughs. “Yeah, whether you like it or not, you’re on your way to being some wizard.”  
“Oh, I’m not going to be a wizard,” I grin. “I’m going into pigeon racing. I’m quite excited about it.”

Dad laughs and then there’s another silence. We don’t know what we’re doing. It’s almost embarrassing. But it isn’t because it’s been like this for years.  
“Those names you have – they shouldn’t be a burden,” dad says. “Albus Dumbledore had his trials too, you know – and Severus Snape, well you know all about him.”  
“They were good men,” I nod.  
“They were great men,” dad says, “with huge flaws, and you know what? Those flaws almost made them greater.”

I nod again, looking around. We’ve stopped walking and we’re standing in the middle of a series of graves.  
“Dad? Why are we here?”  
“This is where I often come.”  
“But this is a graveyard.”  
“And here is Cedric’s grave.”  
“Dad?” I look at him to see he’s crying and I bite my lip; I understand.  
“The boy who was killed,” dad murmurs, “Craig Bowker – how well did you know him?”  
“Not well enough.”

Truth.

“I didn’t know Cedric well enough, either. He could have played Quidditch for England. Or been a brilliant Healer. He could have been anything. And Amos is right – he was stolen. So I come here. Just to say sorry. When I can.”  
“That’s a good thing to do,” I mumble.  
Dad looks at me, smiling through tears. “I think it’s going to be a nice day.”

I walk over to him, leaning in slightly. Dad puts his arm around me and I look upwards to the sky. It’s comforting. It’s unfamiliar. But it is something I would love to get used to.  
“So do I,” I smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow it gets miserable again. Sorry.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	19. Less Than The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus allows his thoughts to run around his head that night, and realises something quite impactful.

I struggle to fall asleep that night, and after hours of trying with very few results, I give up, lying back and staring up at the top of the bed. It’s dark, and no one else is awake. No one else ever is. So I’m alone with my thoughts again, something that really can’t be good for me. However, as I can’t sleep, I haven’t really got a lot of choice in the matter.

My thoughts end up drifting to earlier, to Scorpius and Rose. And how I felt about it. I still haven’t been able to put a finger on what was going through my head, but I have a very strong sense of what it isn’t.

It isn’t jealousy of Scorpius because he likes someone. I am pretty sure of myself in the knowledge that I do not want a girlfriend. I’m incredibly grateful that I haven’t started having crushes. Partly because I have no idea who I’d even have a crush on. Mainly because the idea generally terrifies me. So, it isn’t jealousy.

It also isn’t the fear that Scorpius would spend less time with me, because from the moment Scorpius told me what he was going to do, I knew she’d say no. I knew there was no chance of losing Scorpius. Because there was no chance of Rose taking him up on his request.

And even if there was, I might have considered asking her to at least make sure he has some time with me. Because I cannot face losing him.

Other than that, I really don’t know what this is, but it is more. It can’t just be a fear of spending less time with Scorpius that is making me feel this utterly awful.

Shit.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck me, this is bad.

I have a crush on Scorpius Malfoy. I have fallen in love with Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy.

And he has a crush on my cousin.

Maybe it would have been better if I had just thought about the things that I normally think about, even if it would have meant that I’d just end up thinking about the likelihood that I’ll die and it won’t actually matter.

It’s a stupid fear, and one that shouldn’t exist. That’s the reason no one else actually knows about it. But my mind keeps taking me back to Godric’s Hollow, back to the maze. Back to the times when I really thought we were going to die. And even though it would have made an impact in someone’s life, it would have ultimately been justified. Two lives for an infinite number shouldn’t have been a difficult choice. And it wasn’t.

It was just hard knowing that I had to keep to it.

I should amend the label I put on my fear. I’m not scared that I’ll die and it won’t matter. I’m scared that I’ll die and it will have been the right choice. I don’t want to die.

Before, I didn’t even consider the possibility that I’d be caught up in anything. Despite every disagreement with dad, I was fairly sure that, if anything did ever happen, he would make sure that we weren’t involved. And she got past all of us.

I don’t know whether I feel safe anymore. Something happened before. Something might happen again and we might not get lucky. One thing I do know, however, is that Scorpius will make it out alive. I will make sure of that.

I suppose the question really is about how I feel about liking Scorpius. Or how I feel in realising that I might be gay.

Unless I’m not and my head is just going off on one. Unless we are just friends and this is coming from a fear of losing him.

I close my eyes. I really just need to go to sleep and think about this whole mess another time.

Being gay isn’t a bad thing. And even if it was, I’m not gay. I’m just close friends with someone. I just want to stay close friends with him.

Yeah.

I’m not gay.

Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, he may have worked it out.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	20. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Scorpius receives a letter that drags up unwanted memories and unwanted thoughts.

The next morning, I wake up late, probably about mid-morning. I think I managed to fall asleep as the sun rose, having spent the entire night convincing myself that Scorpius is just a friend. Because he is. Why would he be anything more?

I sit up slowly, blinking a few times, and I see Scorpius sat, cross-legged on his bed, reading something intently. The sunlight glints off his hair off his hair, almost like some sort of miniature sun; it probably does most mornings. I’ve noticed it now for some reason.

I shake myself. Now is not the time to continue questioning my entire identity. I spent all night doing that. “Morning,” I mumble.

Scorpius doesn’t reply and I stand up, stretching slowly before I walk over to him. I sit down, putting a cautious arm around him. There’s no one else in here.   
“Are you okay?”   
“I got a letter from dad,” Scorpius flops backwards, staring upwards. “I don’t know what to do.”   
“Has he asked you to do something?”   
“No,” Scorpius shakes his head. “He just….he said that he is sorry if he or any version of him had done – anything.”   
“What?”   
“Albus, he knows,” Scorpius’ eyes begin to widen in fear. “And I don’t know how he knows.”   
“Scorpius,” I take his hand gently. “Breathe. Just breathe.”   
“How does he know?” Scorpius sits up slowly.   
“Maybe he’s a really good guesser,” I shrug, thinking it might calm him slightly.

It does exactly the opposite and he starts to shake, his breathing quickening constantly. He tumbles off the bed, starting to pace back and forth. I stand up quickly, trying to stop him before he hurts himself, but he just ignores me.

It’s terrifying to watch him like this, knowing that I have no idea what to do. Knowing that this happened because of what I said. I watch him as he stumbles to a halt before diving for his bag and pulling out a scrap of parchment and a quill. He sits, scrawling down hundreds of notes frantically. The ink starts to stain his hands and I sit next to him cautiously, trying not to make things worse.

A minute or so later, he shoves the notes into my hand shakily. I take it, trying to read. It’s barely legible, between the shakiness of the handwriting and the smudged ink, but the bits of it that I can read terrify me.

Of what I can make out, the same word leaps out, over and over and over. He’s scared. He’s scared of – something. Someone. I look at him, fumbling with something silently, frantic. Scared.

When he sees I’m watching him, he pushes the letter into my hand. I take it slowly, unfolding it and starting to read.

_Dear Scorpius,_

_I know that we have not spoken much in the past few months, but I have noticed that you seem increasingly reluctant to spend time with me. While that is okay, and I understand that you are growing up and will rely on me less, I feel the urge to make sure that you are okay. It does not seem that you are._

_If you feel able, please tell me how to help you, if you can. Because I feel that I, or some version of myself, has done something and I need to make sure–_

I stop reading as Scorpius stands up again, restarting his pacing. He gets quicker and quicker, until I stand up and put my hands on his shoulders.   
“Hey,” I murmur. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Scorpius shakes his head, and then he almost falls into me, hugging me tightly. I sink to the floor, continuing to hold him for as long as he needs it. After a minute or so, he starts to stand up again, pulling another piece of parchment from his bag. He starts to write, and I think he’s less shaky now.

I wait silently while he finishes and then I take the note he passes to me, beginning to read. It’s more legible this time. Fewer smudges.

_When I was ~~in the other world~~ there, I saw my dad ~~and he~~. He was angry. I made him angry. He hurt me. I’m scared. ~~I’m so scared.~~_

I look up again, my eyes starting to fill with tears as I realise he’s still shaking and sobbing opposite me. I put the note down, sitting next to him and putting my arm around him again.   
“I should tell him,” he croaks.   
“If you want to tell him,” I say softly, “tell him. But don’t feel you have to. It is your decision.”

Scorpius nods.

*

He does tell Draco, and judging by the letters that follow, or Scorpius’ reaction to them, things to begin to look up for him as the weeks pass. I’m eternally grateful for that.

Even as if happens, however, everything in my head starts to get worse. The nightmares begin to return to the point where I can barely close my eyes. I don’t tell Scorpius. He has enough to deal with. He doesn’t need to know. Especially when I still can’t work out what a crush is.

Maybe all of this is just an accumulation of stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank anything Jonathan Case has ever done for the inspiration of this chapter. His 3.3. Dear Lord. His 3.3. It's going to be my cause of death.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	21. Sleep On The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus has a nightmare, and his reaction to Scorpius when he wakes up is less than normal.

“It took me a long time to discover your weakness, Albus Potter,” she continues. “I thought it was pride. I thought it was the need to impress your father. But then I realised your weakness was the same as your father’s!” She almost screams the last word.

She walks toward me, grabbing my hood again and pulling me backwards. I land on my back, coughing slightly with the impact. She crouches over me, almost on top of me, her wand in my face. She’s smirking. I don’t breathe. I don’t think I can. And then she murmurs, her heavy breaths echoing in my ears.   
“Friendship.”   
“Get…get off…” I start to groan.   
“Make me,” Delphi’s mouth stretches into a twisted grin and she leans down so that her lips are beside my ear. “Albus Potter.”

Silence.

“You will do exactly as you’re told,” she relishes the words, “otherwise Scorpius. Will. Die.”

I can feel her breath on my cheeks as she places her hands on my shoulders, still grinning. Somewhere, Scorpius is shouting, screaming, my name, but I can’t respond. I can’t breathe. I can only wait for the moment where she either kills me or him. Or Scorpius.   
“Albus!”

The near-scream cuts through my thoughts and I sit up sharply, breathing heavily in the dark as a figure moves away from me. I back away, trying to get my bearings.

I’m not on the Quidditch Pitch. I’m in the dormitory.

And the person who was on top of me wasn’t Delphi. It was Scorpius.

He moves towards me again and I try to scramble backwards, wincing as I hit the back of the bed. He stops, looking concerned.   
“Albus?”   
“You!” I stare at him, my heart still pounding.   
“You…she…”   
“You were having a nightmare,” Scorpius tries to explain.

I ignore him, almost throwing myself out the bed. I know what happened. I know it was a dream. But it was real. She did that to me. And now, in my head, it is no longer something that happened months ago. This happened minutes ago.

And it didn’t.

And it did.

And it didn’t

It did.

I scream out as my fists connect with the wall, again and again and again. Scorpius appears at my side, trying to put a hand on my shoulder, and I duck under his arm, walking towards the bathroom. I need a drink. I need to get some space. I need Scorpius to stop following me.   
“Albus,” he keeps coming.   
“Are you okay?”   
“No,” I mutter, “Please leave me alone, Scorpius.” “Albus…”   
“Not now…” I shut the door behind myself, crossing to the sink and turning the cold tap on.

I am splashing water on my face, my lungs finally regaining to ability to take in air, when the door of the bathroom opens again and Scorpius slips through the door. I assume it’s him. No one else is awake.   
“I got you another shirt,” his voice echoes through the silence.

I look down at myself, starting to realise that I am drenched in sweat and beginning to shiver. The icy water flowing over my hand doesn’t help. “Please leave me alone,” my voice starts to shake.

I don’t know why I’m so scared, especially of him, but I just need him to leave. Because, for a moment, I thought he was Delphi. And now I can’t even look at him without shaking.   
“Albus, please–”   
“Go away!” I scream, my knees buckling beneath me. “Please! Just…just go!”

The door shuts again and I breathe out, curling up on the floor silently. I’m so scared. I’m still so scared.

I don’t move again until people start filing in the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are about to hit the first major plot point and I'm more excited than I should be.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	22. Life Beyond Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus goes out for a walk alone the next morning, only to be joined by some less than welcome guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: physical violence

I leave the Common Room long before Scorpius gets up and comes to find me. I don’t eat very much in the way of breakfast, so I am gone from the Great Hall long before he appears. I don’t want to talk about last night. I don’t want to talk about what fear did to me, or that this wasn’t the first time that I’ve had that nightmare, though that was the worst version of it.

Scorpius told me that he had some end of term work to do so I will be able to avoid him, at least for a while. And then I have to work out how to ignore last night. If I just make it through today and tomorrow, then I won’t have to worry. After tomorrow, we have summer and I have time to reply to his letters. I have time to work through everything in my head.

I walk down the grounds for some reason, my eyelids heavy. I didn’t sleep after I woke up last night, so I’ve been up since one in the morning, either curled up on the floor or pacing back and forth. I probably walked miles.  
“Hey, Albus.” An unfamiliar arm lands on my shoulder and I duck around them quickly.  
“Where are you off to? We wanted to see you?”  
“Piss off,” I mutter.

Zack Alderton, no doubt, saw Scorpius alone at breakfast and thought that no would be a good time to come and give me grief. Except this time, it’s Zack Alderton. And Max Coleman. And three of their friends.

I turn around and keep walking, moving more quickly. Unsurprisingly, they continue to follow me and I scowl, barely having the energy to roll my eyes.  
“Kissed your boyfriend yet?” Max calls.

I feel my mouth dry out and I force myself to breath. I can’t end up having an internal debate now. Five of them means business. Five of them means they’re not interested in playing nice today.  
“Fuck off,” I snap, glancing back.

All five of them are grinning, almost nastily, and I have to shut my eyes. They remind me of _her_. They remind me of her more than Scorpius did last night. And now I’m beginning to regret leaving the dormitory without him.  
“Come on,” another – Louis Cosgriff – jeers. “Max asked you a question. Answer it.”  
“He’s not…” the words catch in my throat.  
“Yes?”  
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I mumble, turning away.

An arm lands on my shoulders again and I flinch as Zack pulls his wand out of his pocket with his free hand.   
“Don’t try anything, you useless shit.”

After that, I don’t have much choice but to go with him. I don’t know how far he’s willing to go, but judging by the formation that the others have packed themselves into, they think I’m going to make a run for it and have no intention of letting me get away.

We walk silently for a few minutes. None of the students spilling out of the castle, laughing and talking in the morning sunshine, notice us, and I swallow nervously more than a few times, almost constantly wiping sweat from my palms.

Eventually, they let me stop walking as we reach an alcove, pushing me in roughly. I stumble, leaning against the wall to steady myself. Zack smirks as he walks closer, towering over me.   
“What do you want?”

Surprisingly, my voice doesn’t shake – I am surprisingly calm – and I stare coolly at them, waiting for their next move.   
“What do we want?” Zack steps closer, staring down at me. “We want you to pay.”   
“What? Look, Zack, if this is about Craig–”   
“You killed him,” Zack spits. “Don’t say you’re fucking sorry when it’s your fault that he’s dead.”   
“I didn’t kill him.”   
“No, but your so-called friend did.”   
“What are you talking about?” I'm beginning to get nervous.   
“That’s why you went back, isn’t it?” Max snaps. “So that brother and sister could meet dear old dad?”   
“No,” I shake my head. “No, we didn’t – Scorpius isn’t–”

Zack shoves me backwards and I trip, wincing as I stick out my hands to break my fall. Before I can stand up again, two of them – David MacMillan and Josh Parkinson – grab me and force my head back so that I am staring up at Zack. His anger and hatred seems to grow with every passing moment and I shut my eyes as his fist flies into my face.

I cry out as I am pushed backwards by the force of the punch, grimacing as the blood starts to trickle from my nose, into my mouth. It tastes metallic and bitter, and it hurts. The pain starts to morph into a violent throbbing and I look down at the floor.

One of them grabs my hair and rips it back so that I am looking up again. The blood in my mouth starts to hit the back of my throat and I cough slightly. Zack laughs, grabbing the front of my robes and pulling me up so that I am inches from his face.   
“Zack–”

I don’t get further than that before his fist collides with my stomach and I fall back again, groaning as the pain spreads across my torso. Tears prick at my eyes as I hit the back of the alcove, my vision spinning after I smash my head on the stone.

I let myself fall on the floor, my eyes starting to drift closed. Spots on my shirt are sticky and warm as the blood drips down my face, off my chin. Zack smirks, looking down at me.   
“You killed our friend,” he kicks me. “You killed him.”

He kicks me again, harder this time, and I look up, still silent. I no longer have the strength to move.   
“We didn’t…”   
“Shut up,” Zack snaps. “Shut up or fight back.”

I don’t move and then the kicking returns. When he begins to aim for my stomach, I start to curl up, trying not to concentrate on exactly how much it hurts. I have the vague sense that my nose is broken, because it’s still bleeding.

And I then I start to hear a voice, barely audible through the wind and my grunts of pain. But I listen out, desperately hoping that he comes. I need him. I fucked up. But I need him so much.   
“Albus?” Scorpius calls. “Albus? I’m sorry about last night. Someone said you were up…”

He trails off into silence as he sees me, sees what’s going on. Half a moment later, he’s pulled his wand out, fire burning in his eyes.   
“Scorpius…” I pull myself towards him but Max’s foot lands on my hand.   
“Grab him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been looking forward to this chapter for a while.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	23. Sweet Scents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius stumbles upon Albus being beaten up, but his attempts to save his friend are not successful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Physical violence

Scorpius barely had time to move as his arms were pinned behind him roughly. He kept his focus on Albus, curled at Zack Alderton’s feet, covered in blood. He couldn’t remember a time when he had ever been this angry and, had Albus not been lying on the floor, he would have been scared of himself.

In this instance, however, he needed his anger. He needed to help, needed to save Albus. He remained silent as Zack walked towards him, smirking.   
“Look who showed up,” he spat. “The murderer.”   
“Leave…” Albus groaned. “Leave him…”   
“Why should I?” Zack snarled. “Craig’s dead because he and his sister were just too desperate to not leave well enough alone.”   
“What the hell?” Scorpius tried to step towards Albus but the other boys’ grips were unwavering.   
“You killed Craig!” Zack started to scream at him. “You and your insane family!”

Scorpius glanced at Albus, who was curled up, his eyelids drifting open and closed with exhaustion.   
“If you have a problem with me,” he said quietly, “take it up with me.”   
“Why?” Max sneered, kicking Albus again. “Does this hurt too much?”

Scorpius didn’t reply, mentally clocking where his wand was, so that he felt ready to start the fight. And he was ready. He was prepared to go to the ends up of the earth to protect Albus. To hell with what happened to him.

He waited for another half-second before pulling himself away sharply, grabbing his wand as he dived towards Albus. He didn’t make it, being dragged backwards and pushed against the wall. Zack scowled at him as David MacMillan and Josh Parkinson pulled Albus to his feet roughly.

Scorpius felt his stomach lurch violently as he looked at Albus. Blood was dripping from his nose, which was bent off-centre – obviously broken. It looked as if the effort of standing upright, even while being held up, was too exhausting to manage. He was bending in on himself, eyes half closed.   
“Leave him alone,” Scorpius found himself pleading. “He hasn’t done anything. Please.”   
“No.”

Scorpius screamed out as Zack threw his fist into Albus’ stomach again, and Albus collapsed again, shaking and whimpering. And muttering words that Scorpius could not make out.   
“Please,” he whispered.

They ignored him, the three that were not restraining him returning their full attention to Albus, starting to kick him again. Scorpius felt his stomach drop further and further as they turned from his friend’s stomach to his chest, smashing into him over and over and over.

And then came a godsend. Supposedly.

“Zack?”

Rose’s voice echoed around the alcove as she ducked out of the wind, smiling sweetly at Zack. He stopped what he was doing, smiling back at Rose as she walked towards him.   
“Rose,” Scorpius stared at her, trying to work out what insane plan she was working with.

Rose ignored him, shoving her hands in her pockets and glancing around, apparently unfazed by the scene she had stumbled upon.   
“Zack,” she said calmly. “Someone said you were here.”   
“Yes?” Zack continued to smile.

Scorpius couldn’t help but notice that Zack was blushing slightly and his hands started to shake. That was what Rose seemed to be noticing. Not the fact that her cousin was being beating up to the point of possibly dying. They were screwed.   
“I just wanted to give you some advice,” Rose said. “About asking me out?”   
“You know that I like you?” Zack froze.   
“Oh come on,” Rose giggled. “The entire school knows.”   
“Oh. Right.”   
“Anyway,” Rose continued. “If you wanted to ask me out, successfully, your best shot would be to – well, to not assault my cousin and his best friend.”

Scorpius watched utterly dumbfounded, as Rose, wand in hand, threw her fist into Zack’s face and grabbed his hair, shoving him away from Albus. He looked up as he caught himself by the alcove entrance.   
“That freak is your cousin?” he stared at her.   
“‘That freak’ was my best friend when I was six,” Rose fumed. “And I am quite a loyal person.”   
“You’re insane.”   
“Then leave my friends alone and you won’t have to deal with it.”

Zack ran as Max Coleman and Louis Cosgriff let go of Scorpius’ arms, raising their fists. Rose got there first, throwing hexes that sent them flying backwards. They stared at her, stumbling past each other to leave the alcove. And, by that time, the other two were long gone.

Scorpius dropped to his knees, breathing heavily as he crawled towards Albus. He was unsure as to whether he was actually conscious at this point. Rose appeared beside him, her wand between her teeth.   
“Thank you,” Scorpius mumbled.   
“We’re not done yet,” Rose muttered. “Albus? Albus, can you hear me?”

There wasn’t a reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying this. I certainly am.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	24. Similar To When He Disappeared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius and Rose work to try and save Albus after he is beaten up within what is likely an inch of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of suicide

Scorpius barely allowed himself to move as Rose checked Albus was breathing and examined his injuries. She kept murmuring his name, the only sound that Scorpius could hear over the wind.

Eventually, after what felt like eternity, Albus began to murmur something, very faintly, and Scorpius felt his heart leap slightly. Albus was conscious. Albus could breathe. He was alive. There was hope.   
“Albus?” Rose murmured.

Albus’ eyes opened slowly and he looked at them, groaning in pain. He pushed his hand out towards Scorpius, who took it gently. He had to blink back tears as Albus’ hand fell limp in his.   
“Albus,” Rose said again. “Can you blink if you can hear me?”

Albus blinked slowly, grimacing.

“Okay, Albus. We need to get you to the Hospital Wing. Okay?”

A blink.

“I know it’s going to hurt, but we need to move you to somewhere to help you. Just – just take your time. Okay?”

Albus blinked again and Rose pulled him up slowly, looping her arm around him gently on one side. Scorpius did the same on the other side, and Albus groaned again. Scorpius looked at him, his stomach lurching at the bruises beginning to form on his friend’s face.

The three of them stood up and Albus sagged between them, barely able to keep himself up. Scorpius took his weight, trying to step forward with Rose. They didn’t make it as Albus let go, slipping from Scorpius’ sweaty palms and crashing onto the stone floor.

Rose dropped with him, beginning to move his limbs gently. Scorpius stayed standing, a numb feeling swelling inside his chest. He had no idea how he could do anything. If he had just gotten up earlier, just been there, just tried to face talking to him, they wouldn’t have pounced on Albus. Albus wouldn’t be bleeding and bruised on the floor.   
“Scorpius.”

Rose’s voice broke through his thoughts. He looked down to see her beckoning him down and he obliged, ignoring the pain in his knees as he hit the floor.   
“Stay here and make sure he doesn’t move,” Rose said quickly. “I’m going to get help.”

Scorpius nodded and Rose jogged away. Scorpius looked back at Albus. One of his hands was tucked under his cheek, the other out in front of him. Scorpius took it took gently, holding on as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks.

He was terrified of losing Albus. He didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t’ face losing another person he cared about that much. And he wouldn’t. He would fight hard enough to shake the ground, for Albus. It didn’t matter what had happened the night before.

As he waited for Rose, his thoughts turned to the occasion when his and Albus’ positions had been reversed, when he had been the unconscious one, and Albus had been left with the fear, constantly mounting inside of him.

A wave of guilt crashed over him as his mind landed on this. He had been prepared to leave Albus alone, to deal with the pain in his own mind. And while that pain had started to improve, however slowly, he had still caused Albus that hurt. He couldn’t forget that.

“I understand that, Professor,” Rose’s worried voice floated in as Scorpius shivered in the wind. “But this will be a much quicker explanation.”

Scorpius looked up as Rose and Professor Longbottom ducked into the alcove, Rose coming straight to Albus’ side. Professor Longbottom stopped momentarily, staring at the sight in front him, before looking at Rose.   
“Better explanation than I could have given,” she said quietly.   
“What happened?”   
“They beat the shit out of Albus,” Rose snapped, her temper bursting out.   
“We can’t move him,” Scorpius said quickly, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We tried. He collapsed.”

Professor Longbottom nodded, pulling out his wand quickly. He waved it, conjuring a stretcher below Albus’ frail figure. Scorpius up with it as it rose into the air, continuing to hold onto Albus’ hand. He had very little idea whether Albus would have actually wanted that, but he was going to hold on. He needed to hold on.

If only because they had come too far to lose now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent a long time debating whose POV to write this from. Decided to go serious.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	25. Prefer Not To Be Social

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus wakes up in the Hospital Wing after the 'incident' and is filled in on what happened.

When my mind swims back to consciousness, everything starts to hurt. Or maybe it was already hurting. My chest aches where they kicked me so hard that I think my ribs broke. It’s too warm for us to still be in the alcove, and from what I remember being awake for, Rose stopped them. I’m not really sure.

I open my eyes slowly, wincing as I draw breath. It’s quite bright and I blink a few times to adjust to the light. Scorpius is sat next to me, writing while leaning on a book. He looks up as I pull myself more upright, grimacing.  
“Hey,” I mumble.  
“Albus,” Scorpius smiles and I feel my heart flutter. “How are you feeling?”  
“Like hell,” I mutter, smiling weakly. “What about you?”  
“Glad you’re awake,” Scorpius nods. “Really, really glad.”  
“Scorpius,” I start to sit up but Scorpius puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me.  
“In Rose’s words,” he smiles, “they beat the shit out of you. Please just stay lying down.”

I smile at him, obliging and looking up at the ceiling. He came to help me. Rose came to save us both. And I have done nothing to deserve that.  
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “You came back for me. Thank you.”  
“I was worried about you,” Scorpius shrugs as if it’s nothing. “After last night, and when I couldn’t find you…”  
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m so sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have shouted. I’m really sorry.”  
“It wasn’t your fault, Albus,” Scorpius mumbles. “You were scared and I think I know why you were scared of me.”  
“I shouldn’t have shouted at you, Scorpius,” I say firmly. “I need you, so, so much. I’m sorry.”  
“I’m sorry I did – that – when I knew it would scare you,” Scorpius murmurs.

I nod, reaching out my towards him. I need him now. He takes my hand and I close my eyes. He’s okay with the mess that I am. He’s okay with me and that is what I need. I hope it’s what he needs, or at least once.

A soft sound echoes around the room as the door opens and Rose walks in, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I smile weakly at her and she smiles back. Her knuckles are slightly bruised and I feel my stomach sink. That was probably to defend us, defend me.  
“Are you okay?” I mumble.  
“Yes,” Rose nods. “Got a detention but Neville seemed reluctant about it..”  
“When?” I frown. “We’re going home tomorrow.”  
“September, if they actually remember.”  
“Thank you for stopping them.”  
“You’re very welcome,” Rose grins. “And they won’t bother you again.”  
“Are you sure?” Scorpius says.  
“Pretty much,” Rose nods. “Listen, Albus.”  
“Yeah?”  
“What are we going to tell your parents?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“They’ve been notified about – this,” Rose explains, “though, because you’re okay, they’re going to wait to see you tomorrow.”  
“Probably better that way,” I’m not entirely sure why I’m so relieved, but it’s a nice feeling.  
“But seriously, Albus, what do you want them to know about this?”  
“Is there more than this?” Scorpius interjects. “Was this not a one-off?”  
“No,” I start to sit up, grimacing in pain. “No. Things have – happened – before.”  
“Things like this?” Scorpius says, somewhat angrily.

I shake my head, looking down awkwardly. He has a right to be pissed off with me. This was not a secret I should have kept from him. But it was a secret I kept for months.  
“Did you know?” Scorpius looks at Rose.  
“It’s my fault,” I say quickly. “Scorpius, I’m sorry. I mean, really, really sorry. I know I should have told you, but it didn’t seem like a huge problem and you were always trying to cope with your own issues. It’s never been bad enough to mention.”  
“When?” Scorpius’ voice cracks.  
“After Craig’s funeral,” I murmur. “When you were last in the Hospital Wing. A couple of other times.”  
“When did Rose find out?”  
“When you were in the Hospital Wing. She stopped them. I asked her not to tell you.”

Scorpius nods, accepting this, and I swallow nervously. He moves to perch on the edge of my bed and wraps his arms around me gently. I wince slightly at the sharp ache in my ribs, but I don’t say anything. He needs this as much as I do.

After he pulls away, Rose stands up, smiling at both of us. She laughs as Scorpius turns around to re-fluff my pillows. He smiles, somewhat apologetically, at me and I smile back.  
“I’m heading to the feast,” Rose says.  
“I’ll stay,” Scorpius says quickly, looking at me.  
“Are you planning on eating?” I raise my eyebrows.  
“I don’t want to leave–”  
“Go and get something to eat,” I say firmly. “Please.”  
“I’ll get something and bring it back.”  
“As long as you eat.”  
“See you in ten minutes.”

I watch him and Rose walk to the Hospital Wig door, allowing myself a small, secret smile. He hugged me. In front of Rose. I don’t know how I feel about him. I don’t know whether I ‘like’ him. But right now it doesn’t seem that liking him would really be too catastrophic. Not in my head, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. Everything is getting slightly better. We are going to be okay.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	26. No Matter What

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus, Scorpius and Rose get off the train home for summer, to be met by a multitude of concerned family.

The train drawing into King’s Cross Station the next afternoon seems painfully slow and I stand up to pull my trunk out the overhead rack. Scorpius stops me, pulling on my jumper and making me sit down again. I roll my eyes, smiling at him.   
“I’m fine,” I protest.   
“You are injured,” Scorpius says calmly. “We agreed this hours ago. Rose is taking your trunk.”

Much to our surprise, Rose had popped her head into the compartment, holding two Pumpkin Pasties and a bag of Pepper Imps, around lunchtime. The Trolley Witch had blatantly ignored us on her rounds, and I don’t really blame her. We ruined her Hogwarts Delivery Record. Still, we were grateful for the food.

She’d sat with us for a few minutes, and we decided then that, although I’d protested, she would take my case to prevent me hurting myself further. “Fine,” I smile, leaning back against the seat.

I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt to do literally anything, but it doesn’t hurt that much. It doesn’t hurt enough to complain. But Rose did insist on putting my arm in some sort of sling to ‘alleviate pressure from my ribs’. So, thinking about, it might not be such a good idea to lift my trunk down with one hand.   
“How are you feeling?” Rose sticks her head into the compartment again.   
“Better thanks,” I nod, breathing slowly; it hurts slightly less that quick, shallow breathing.   
“I came to get your trunk,” Rose steps in, closing the door behind herself. “You guys ready to go?”

Scorpius and I both nod and I stand up to allow Rose to reach my trunk. As it hits the floor of the compartment, the train grinds to a halt and we all regain our balance after a moment.   
“I vote hiding in here until the rabble are out on the platform,” I mutter. “Come on,” Rose rolls her eyes, grinning.

We follow her out into the predictably overcrowded corridor and Scorpius loops a gentle arm around me, guiding me towards the door.   
“I’m not completely useless,” I roll my eyes. “Honestly.”

Scorpius smiles at me and I shake my head, breaking into a smile. The sunlight shining through the windows bounces off his hair, which is now almost blinding to look at. It looks as though he has some sort of halo.

He deserves a halo. He is an angel. I’ve done stuff that has put him through so much shit and he’s still sticking with me. I screamed at him and he threw himself into a fight for me. I am incredibly aware that I do not deserve him. And yet he’s stuck with me. Because he is the best person I know.

We step off the train together and I wince as my feet hit the floor. Almost immediately by my mum, who wraps her arms around me. I wince again, pulling away slightly.   
“Sorry,” I mumble. “It hurts.”   
“Are you okay?” she asks quickly, glancing up and down to look at my remaining injuries.   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine.”   
“So it does hurt, Albus,” Scorpius raises an eyebrow.   
“A bit,” I admit, rolling my eyes for the umpteenth time.

There’s a silence for a moment and then Scorpius lets go of me, charging across the platform into his dad’s arms. I watch, smiling, as Draco almost lifts him off his feet, and then I reach out to take his trunk to him, as he had apparently abandoned it, moments ago.

Before I can put my hand on it, however, someone, that I assume is Rose, knocks me back gently. I turn to look at her, smiling.   
“Your luggage, Monsieur?” she grins, putting my trunk down.   
“Thanks,” I smile back gratefully.   
“You’re very welcome. And don’t even think about it,” she adds sharply as I start to move towards Scorpius’ trunk again.

I nod, looking around again. Dad is stood a few feet away, with James and Lily, who are chattering constantly. Dad keeps smiling and laughing. I’m not sure whether going over there is really the right thing to do when I have a decent track-record of completely wrecking the mood.   
“Albus.”

I freeze for a moment as dad calls my name, smiling at me. I smile back awkwardly, taking my trunk handle and walking over. Dad stops speaking to James and Lily to pull me into a hug. I ignore the pain in my chest and wrap my free arm around him tightly, blinking back tears.

I didn’t know I needed this until now. I didn’t know I needed this feeling, even if the little voice in my head insists that it’s temporary. If I hold on for long enough, maybe it won’t be.  
“I’ve missed you,” I mumble.

I don’t know if it’s true, but it feels like the right thing to say to make everybody happy. Keeping up on a half-lie until I can find a happy truth is an achievable objective. Probably.

I move out of the hug to find Scorpius behind me, smiling softly. He pulls me into a gentle hug and I grimace slightly. All this affection really isn’t good for my ribcage. I’m not going to stop him, however. If he’s comfortable hugging me in front of everyone, then I won’t stop him.   
“Write this summer?”   
“Would I ever not?” I smile.

Scorpius smiles back, pulling out of the hug. I almost wanted him to stay longer but that would probably feel strange for him. It’s meant to feel strange for me. I don’t know if it would.   
“See you soon?”

Scorpius nods eagerly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are officially entering the happy chapters. Make the most of this, folks.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	27. That's What We're Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer begins, and everyone starts attempting to fix the mess in their lives.

Summer is fairly uneventful to begin with. We see the family we’ve missed while we were at school. We celebrate dad’s birthday, which results in a family Quidditch match that I stay as far from as possible, taking the opportunity to write to Scorpius. And we just hang around. Like we do every summer.

From his letters it appears that his summer has also been fairly mediocre. He and his dad haven’t done much, and the manor is quiet. He says that he’s practising Quidditch a lot. I do hope that he makes the team in September. That’s what he wants, so I want it for him. But I’ve got no idea how I’ll stomach watching him play on that bloody pitch.

I’m still having nightmares and they’re getting increasingly common. I put it down to not being around Scorpius even though I tell him about every single one. Because I need to get it out somehow. It’s most coherent in writing.

After the first few nights, I asked mum to soundproof my room so that I don’t wake everyone else up. I said I find it easier to cope with them alone. That isn’t true, but I can’t sleep in the same room, or house, as Scorpius. Not until September. So I just keep myself to myself.

A few days into August, dad pops his head around my door as I’m sat on my bed, attempting to read a book that Scorpius sent me a few days ago. I did not realise how difficult it would be to read The Great Gatsby. I keep reading, however, even though it takes about five minutes a page.   
“Albus?”

I look up as dad steps into the room, looking slightly awkward, and I close the book, setting it down beside myself.   
“Dad?”   
“I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day together?” he smiles. “Just us.”

I don’t reply immediately. I want to, I think, but every time we try something it doesn’t last. And it takes a long time for either of us to emerge from our shells. But maybe this time will be different. Or maybe it won’t be. I revert to my original response.   
“What about James and Lily? And mum?”   
“Well, James is old enough to look after himself,” dad says, “and your mum has taken Lily out for the day, so I thought…if you’d like to.”   
“That’d be great,” I nod, smiling. “Could I get changed? I won’t be long.”   
“Yeah, of course,” dad says quickly. “I’ll be downstairs.”

The door closes behind him and I stand up, sighing. I can do this. I can have a nice day with my dad. Other people do it on a regular basis. Surely I can get my ass in gear for one day.

I pull a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from the wardrobe, chucking them back on the bed as I look back to get a jumper. For some reason I think I’ll need a jumper in the height of summer.

Once I’m dressed, I grab the copy of The Great Gatsby, putting it into a backpack along with some parchment, a quill and some ink, and Scorpius’ latest letter. If this goes horrifically wrong, I need to know that Scorpius will be there. Even if he isn’t really. Maybe that’s something I could mention today. Just casually. As a hypothetical. It’s a hypothetical.

I take a deep breath, swinging the bag onto my back. Today is going to be a good day. I can make it a good day. And that is my mantra as I walk down the stairs, my stomach lurching with every step. I shouldn’t be nervous.

Dad is sat in the kitchen with a cup of tea when I walk in, trying to untense my shoulders. In doing so, I have a feeling that they are too far down, and tense, therefore defeating the object of the whole movement. He looks up, smiling at me gently. I smile back and he stands up.   
“Are you ready?”   
“Where are we going?” I mumble, before coughing to clear my throat.

Come on, Albus. Confidence. He’s made the first step. You make the second. That’s how this works.   
“I was thinking we could go on a walk again,” dad says. “If you wanted to.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Yeah. Okay.”   
“It’s fine if you don’t want–”   
“No, it’s fine,” I smile. “I’d like to.”   
“Great,” dad smiles back. “Leave in ten minutes?”   
“Yeah,” I nod again.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, we’re both staring up at a hill. It was dad’s idea. Maybe if we’re too out of breath, I won’t actually have to talk to him. No, Albus. Stop. The point is to improve the mess between yourselves. Buck up and make an effort.

We start to climb, mostly making small talk about school and his work and such. We never really had a proper catch up after I got home. It was mainly just asking about my injuries and that incident in general. I didn’t really talk more than I had to, filling in the gaps in Rose’s story. I didn’t tell them about the other incidents. They don’t need to know about those.

But now we just talk about the normal moments, moments where I was able to crack a smile. The moments where I wasn’t twisting in nightmares. The moments where I wasn’t terrified out of my fucking mind. There really aren’t many of them.

But there are enough to make conversation, conversation I can sustain with vague comfort. It’s nice talking to my dad. I should really try and do it more often.

As we reach the top of the hill, dad checks his watch and pulls his bag off his shoulder. He sits down on the grass and I sit down next to him, looking out past the edge of the hill. The view is spectacular, especially as the sun is behind us, so we can look without being blinded. “Sandwich?” dad passes me one. “Thanks,” I take it slowly, taking a small bite.

I look back at him, raising my eyebrows slightly as I see what he’s holding. I can’t imagine why he thinks that Exploding Snap on top of a windy hill is a good idea. This can’t be his idea.   
“Um, dad?”   
“I thought…” dad grins awkwardly.   
“On a hill? Whose idea was this?”   
“In truth?”   
I nod. “Whose idea?”   
“It was something your mum said,” dad admits. “When we were waiting for – for her.”   
“Exploding Snap?”   
“Exploding Snap,” dad nods.   
“Yeah, sure,” I laugh. “Deal me in.”   
“If I don’t, it’ll be quite a lonely game.”

I smile, watching him divide the cards between us. It doesn’t matter that mum suggested it to him. He’s kept it in his mind for almost a year. And it’ll be fun. It will be normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some good old father-son fluffy stuff because they need this and I want to give Albus a hug.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	28. In Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer continues, and Albus finds everything in his head starting to get worse again, despite the improvements in his relationships with his parents.

After that day, dad and I spend a few other days together, just talking. It’s what we’ve missed for four years and it takes a while, but it does start to come back to both of us. Eventually.

However, in my gut, I still can’t trust him entirely. Which is why I don’t mention the confusion I keep feeling about Scorpius. Instead, I try to work it out myself. A few times, I write out everything I’m feeling and stare at the parchment, hoping it’ll start to make some sense. It never does. So I burn the parchment to keep it a secret.

I am starting to understand that I do feel something for Scorpius. Whether or not it’s a crush or actual love, I don’t know. But he means more to me than he used to.

Every time a letter from him arrives, I disappear off to my room, no matter what is going on, and I curl up on my bed to read, laughing and smiling. It almost feels like he’s there with me. I wish he was, so damn much.

When I’m with him, I don’t have to concentrate on filtering what I say, I don’t have to work out what will make him angry beyond sense. I don’t have to be scared that I’ll say something that will destroy everything. We’ve been through too much to argue once and never speak again.

Sometimes, I have nightmares. Really awful nightmares. And every night I have another, it gets worse. Because Scorpius isn’t there. Because every night I wake up and, for half a moment, I think that he hasn’t forgiven me, that he is staying away because he’s beginning to hate me more and more.

The worry only lasts for a moment, and as soon as I sit up, I know why he’s not beside me. I know I’m a million miles away, and I hope desperately that he isn’t going through this too.

I don’t regret sound-proofing my room, but it means I almost never sleep though. Sometimes I move to the corner of my room, wrapping my arms around myself and trying to rock myself back to sleep. More often than not, I’m too scared to even try to close my eyes, so I open the curtains and curl up on the windowsill.

By the time we reach the last weeks of summer, I can glance up at the night sky and find Scorpius in the stars. And I can smile.

The nightmares aren’t any easier to deal with, especially when they turn in their nature, but I’ve got some idea fixed in my head that, if I go back to school, if I see Scorpius again, I’ll be okay.

Which is why, for the first time ever, my trunk is packed and ready sooner than the night before. At the end of every letter, I ask for a specific place to meet him on the platform, because I need to get there and know where he is. I need to see him.

I haven’t said this much to him. I haven’t told him about the new nightmares. I haven’t told him that I have to convince myself, every single time, that he wouldn’t ever hurt me. Not in the way that my mind is determined to convince me that he will.

The night before we’re due to go back to school, someone left my bedroom door open, and my screams escape to the rest of the house. I wake up, shaking and sweating and sobbing, to find someone beside me, shaking my shoulders forcefully.   
“What…” I trail off. “What’s going…”   
“You had a nightmare,” mum takes my hand gently.

I nod as the images come rushing back into my head. Me. Scorpius. A knife. I stop myself. If I keep recounting it, I’m going to be sick. I stand up, stumbling over to the window and breathing in as I throw it open, the night air rushing in. It’s vaguely calming, but the clouds are too thick to see the stars, too thick to see Scorpius.   
“Are you okay, Albus?” mum walks up behind me.   
“Yeah,” I mutter. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for…” I start gesturing vaguely, “you know, waking me up.”   
“Do you want me to stay?”   
“I’ll be fine,” I say quickly. “Thanks.”   
“Albus?”   
“Yeah?”   
“How often does this happen? I know we put the silencing charm up when it was bad, but how often is this?”

I don’t have to tell her the truth. I could just keep it to myself. Bottling it up never hurt before. A little secret about nightmares won’t make a difference.

But it will. It will make all the difference. I can’t patch things up with dad, only to have it fall apart with mum because I wasn’t brave enough to speak. I wasn’t brave enough before. I can make up for some of that.   
“Most nights,” I mutter.

Mum stops walking towards the door. She looks back at me as I pull the curtains open properly and walk back to my bed.   
“Most nights?” mum takes my hands again. “Oh, Albus, why didn’t you say anything?”

I mumble some words, something about not wanting to make a fuss over nothing, and mum pulls me into a hug, stroking the back of my head gently.   
“It’s not a fuss about nothing,” she says firmly. “It is never a fuss about nothing.”   
“It’s been a year,” I whisper.   
“Do you want to go back to school tomorrow?” mum asks. “If you need a few more days.”   
“I want to go back,” I mumble. “I need to see Scorpius.”   
“Will you be okay?”   
“No one will try and beat us up again,” I shrug. “Rose pretty much guaranteed that.”

I sit up as mum smiles at me. I’m surprised she gave me the option to stay at home, but I suppose I look like hell. I don’t think I’ve slept through the night in four weeks.   
“Can you stay?” I say quietly, lying down and staring up at the ceiling. “Please?”   
“Of course,” mum smiles softly.

I close my eyes slowly, taking deep breaths. I’m safe. I’ll see Scorpius in a few hours. It’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be entirely okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love a good mother-son bonding moment as well.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	29. Big Year, Fifth Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius make their way back to Hogwarts for the beginning of their fifth year.

Scorpius is waiting exactly where I asked him to wait when we arrive on the platform, and the weight seems to lift from my shoulders when I see him smiling at me. His hair is glinting in the sunlight and I smile back at him. We pause awkwardly for a moment, and then he wraps his arms around me. I lean into him, attempting to bury my face in his shoulder.

I’ve missed him so damn much, and, no matter how long our letters were, it couldn’t ever compare to actually being with him. The little details come back. I haven’t forgotten them – I don’t think I could – but they floated to the back of my mind.   
“Albus,” he says gently.

I step back slightly as I realise that I’ve probably held onto the hug for too long. I smile awkwardly, muttering an apology.   
“It’s fine,” he smiles back. “I’ve missed you too.”   
“How are you?” I ask. “How are you doing?”   
“Good,” he nods, smiling again. “Yeah. I’m good.”   
“Really?” I raise my eyebrows.

I’m not stupid. I know when he’s lying. But when he glances past me and then nods silently, I don’t press him.   
“Should we get on?” he asks. “Before everyone else gets here.”   
“Probably,” I nod. “I need to say goodbye first.”

I turn around to see mum and dad chatting to Ron and Hermione. Rose grins at me and I smile back.   
“Scorpius and I were going to get on,” I try, and fail, not to mumble.   
“Okay,” dad smiles. “We’ll see you at Christmas.”

He pulls me into a hug and I find myself holding on tightly. Despite everything, he is my father and this summer has been good for us. I’m going to write, and it’s going to be sincere, because I will miss him. I’ll miss his awful jokes and his attempts to laugh off pretty much everything. I’ll miss the fact that I can talk to him about anything. Almost.

He lets me go and I turn to hug mum. She hugs me tightly, stroking the back of my head.   
“You’ll be okay,” she murmurs. “And if you need anything…”   
“Owl,” I nod, smiling. “I know.”   
“I’m going to miss you,” mum smiles, pulling me into another hug.   
“Me too.”   
“I can’t wait to see you at Christmas.”

She smiles again and I pick up my trunk, turning to look for Scorpius. He’s still saying goodbye to his dad and I wait, watching them hug. I think this summer has been good for him too. In some ways.

Scorpius walks back to me and we climb onto the train, pushing open the door of the first empty compartment we find and putting our trunks in the luggage racks. We sit down and I look out the window at the increasingly busy platform.   
“How was your summer?” Scorpius asks.   
“It was good,” I nod, “yeah, you?”   
“I missed you,” Scorpius mumbles. “It was quiet.”   
“Are you saying I’m noisy?” I grin.   
“Yes,” Scorpius grins back. “And I’ve missed it.”

I continue to smile as the train starts to pull out of the station. I search the platform for mum and dad, waving frantically. I’ve never done it before. Most fifth years don’t. But it feels nice.   
“Albus,” Scorpius start to speak again as the platform disappears, “in all honesty, how are you? You’ve got huge bags under your eyes.”   
“I had nightmares,” I admit, “a lot.”   
“Did your parents just ignore you?”   
“I asked mum to soundproof my room. I thought it would be easier to deal with them myself.”

To my surprise, Scorpius nods, breathing out slowly. I close my eyes, trying to concentrate on the rocking motion of the train. It’s surprisingly calm. A few minutes later, I hear Scorpius laugh and I open my eyes.   
“We’re approaching the viaduct,” he looks at me.

I smile. I can’t help it. Jumping off the Hogwarts Express was, compared to the rest of it, almost fun. I mean, the Trolley Witch actively despises us now, but we actually did something successful.   
“Fancy a Pumpkin Pasty?”   
“You know what?” Scorpius says. “I think I’ll pass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might be the last cheerful part you're gonna get for a while. Very sorry.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	30. Flying Without Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes. Albus' life gets worse again. And then a letter arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: implied anxiety

One of the first things Scorpius wants to do when we get back into the routine of school life is Quidditch Practise. True to his letters, he has improved over summer, but because he isn’t on the team yet, we end up on the Pitch after the teams are finished, usually quite late or in the middle of the day.

Scorpius asked me if I was okay with spending time on the pitch. I told him I was. In truth, I’d rather do almost anything else, but I can’t let him be alone down there. As much as it terrifies the shit out of me to go anywhere near it, it’s making him happy.

So I sit in the stands and watch him soar all over the pitch, trying to catch a badly-enchanted Snitch-substitute. Occasionally he asks me to watch for particular things, which helps to distract my mind from staring at the places here she hurt Scorpius, killed Craig.

Sitting in the stands also gives my mind an immeasurable amount of time to wonder about my feelings for Scorpius. It doesn’t help that Scorpius looks so good when he’s flying. Either his face is a mask of concentration, or he’s grinning at me, continuing to soar around the stadium at break-neck speed.

A couple of weeks into term, I wake up at about two in the morning with a violent stomach-ache. Somehow, I manage to drag myself through to the bathroom before I make any noise, and I’m back in bed within fifteen minutes, trying not to move too much.

I don’t feel any better the next morning and my plate at breakfast remains empty. Scorpius questions it. I just mutter that I feel a bit shit and that’s all we say. It should be something that passes within a day or so.

I start to feel better at the end of the morning, my hunger overtaking the stomach ache. At lunch, I eat as much as I feel comfortable eating, given how rough I’ve felt. That night I eat a little more.

And then, the next morning, I wake up early, feeling exactly the same. I don’t eat breakfast, barely eat lunch, and attempt to stomach some tiny portion of dinner.

This continues. For weeks. I try not to let on to Scorpius and when he realises something is wrong, I refuse to go to the Hospital Wing. Simply because I can’t face answering questions about what’s going on. Because I don’t know how to describe it. Scorpius wasn’t angry when he found out I was still ill. He understands that it’s something I can’t control. He doesn’t understand why it’s happening, but neither do I. So we just muddle through. He points out that I am starting to lose weight at one point. I shrug it off because I don’t know how to remedy it. I am eating as much as I can. I’m just never hungry when I don’t feel ill.

Scorpius said that if it gets too bad, he will make me go to the Hospital Wing. I tried to joke, telling that it didn’t count because neither of us would have a broken rib. His response to that was that, if that was what would make me go, he would. I had assured him that, if it got much worse, I’d go if he asked.

Towards the end of October, I get a letter from dad. That in itself isn’t unusual as we’ve actually gotten half-decent at writing to each other. But the contents of the letter is a shock.

Normally, we do our best not to mention Delphi, because neither of us need those sorts of reminders. Or, if we do have to say something, we blot out her name or we lower ourselves in. Except with this, he doesn’t even try and ease into it, launching immediately into a long message about how something has happened and would I be okay to speak to her in a controlled circumstance?

I’m not. I’m not okay with even being in the same building as her. But according to him, ‘it could be a matter of national importance’, which doesn’t really leave a lot of room to say no. But I’m really not okay with going near her. Because she’s still the face of my nightmares.   
“Albus,” Scorpius looks at me. “Are you okay? You’re paler than me.”   
“Dad,” I mumble, “dad wants me to speak to – her.”   
“To…?”   
“He wants me to speak to Delphi,” my voice cracks. “And I…I really can’t…”   
“Why?”   
“I don’t know. He just does. And I can’t but I should but I really – I really fucking can’t.”   
“You don’t have to,” Scorpius takes my hand gently. “You don’t have to go.”   
“I should,” I mutter. “He says ‘it could be a matter of national importance’.”   
“He makes a mountain out of a large molehill,” Scorpius says firmly. “It won’t be anywhere near as important as he’s making out.” A pause. “Look, Albus. Putting you and her in a room together, for any reason, is an awful idea.”   
“There would be other people in the room.”   
“Would you like me to come?”

I look hopefully at him, tears starting to form in my eyes. I’m so scared. I’m so fucking scared of her.   
“Would you?” I whisper. “Would that be okay?”

He nods, pulling me into a hug. I breathe in shakily, leaning into his shoulder. The tips of his hair smell of cocoanut. He’s warm. He’s safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, yeah. Sorry 'bout this.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	31. Working Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius, accompanied by Harry and Draco, have a meeting with Delphi. It goes as well as can be expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: implied mentions of anxiety

We sit silently as the table, staring at the door until it opens. We’ve been here for about ten minutes and I already regret asking Scorpius to come with me, because he’s shaking, his hand in mine. When the door finally opens, I freeze, trying not to stare at Delphi as she walks in and stops, looking at the two of us.

Her clothes are torn and grey, and the blue sections of her hair have faded, almost beyond recognition. She has dark shadows around her eyes and I can’t help but stare. It’s only taken a year to bring her to this.   
“Well, sit down,” dad snaps from behind us.   
“What’s going on?” she asks as she obliges, placing her hands on the table.   
“You said you have something to tell me.”   
“To tell _you_ ,” she nods. “Not all of you.”   
“The last time anyone tried to get information out of you,” dad says impatiently, “you said nothing. Forgive me for having doubts on your cooperation.”

She shrugs and glances up at where Draco is standing, and then her expression softens somewhat as she looks back at us.   
“How are you doing, Scorpius?” she says. “Did your dad write to you?”   
“How did you…” I stare at her, my heart starting to pound.   
“Draco came to see me,” Delphi explains calmly. “He wanted to know how to help you. I hope any advice I gave was useful.”

Scorpius tenses beside me and I squeeze his hand gently. Delphi smiles at him and I can’t help but feel a wave of anger wash over me. I don’t know who it’s directed at.   
“That is not why you are here,” dad snaps.   
“Harry Potter,” Delphi snaps back. I flinch. “If you have brought your son and his friend, both of whom are terrified of me, to play to the guilt that I have, and make me tell you something, you are a terrible parent.”

Silence.

“You have interrupted Albus and Scorpius at school to bring them to a place that will likely negate any positive progress they have made with their mental health. This is worsened by having to interact with _me_. And no one is getting what they want from it.”   
“Then give me what I want,” dad snarls.   
“You can’t want it that badly,” Delphi points out. “I have been here for over a year. If you wanted, you’d have it by now.”   
“Tell me.”   
“Are you blind or stupid?” she suddenly drops to a murmur. “Can you imagine what applying a face to the people worse than me would do to Albus and Scorpius? And Draco. Can you imagine how bad the people who crafted my monster are?”   
“Why me?” Draco asks.   
“Draco, I’ll be honest,” Delphi mutters, “you look like shit. I don’t think you would take it well.”   
“You’re not a monster,” Scorpius whispers.

I look at him. He’s biting his lip nervously, his hands shaking slightly. The look in his eyes is begging for help.   
“What?” Delphi looks at him.

“We pinned you as a monster.” That isn’t really a lie. “It was – easier.” That is.   
“You’re not – just – a monster,” Scorpius whispers again. “How?”   
“You want to know why I’m here?”   
“No names.”

Dear Merlin. Dear fucking Merlin. I can’t tell if he thinks this is a good idea or not. Either way, she’s going to tell us and I am fucking terrified.   
“When I tell you this,” Delphi starts slowly, “I don’t intend to make myself a victim. Not entirely. I understand that I am a monster. But there are reasons. Please, please listen to them.”

I would rather rip my own ear drums out of my head. At least I wouldn’t be able to hear the screams at night. Or maybe I would because they’re inside my head. I don’t care. I just really don’t want to listen to her words.   
“I’ve spent a total of three months in the outside world. I’m twenty four, or twenty three, and I’ve spent three months as a free woman.   
“During those three months, I learnt that my guardian abused a neglected me. I hadn’t thought of my – experiences – like that before. I just assumed that fear was normal, and that the person who took me away from it was different.”

She pauses, closing her eyes and flinching slightly. And then she continues, even more quietly than before.   
“I wanted to meet someone who would care about me. I wanted to meet my father.”   
“Did you know who he was?” Draco says, a touch of scepticism in his voice.   
“I was told that he was right, but that he had lost. I was told that no one would accept me. I was told that I would be seen as evil.”

There is a silence, for a long time, and I try to distract myself. I try to think of something, anything, else. Delphi has her eyes closed and her shoulders are shaking slightly. I think she’s crying. I don’t say anything.

The silence lasts a moment longer and then she pinches herself, starting to stand up silently.   
“Can I go, please?” she murmurs.   
“Thank you,” Scorpius is still strangely calm.

She nods and begins to walk towards the door. She bows her head toward the guard, who takes her wand out and opens the door.   
“Wait!” dad almost shouts. “I want those names.”   
“Mr. Potter!” Delphi spins on her heel, snarling. “I never promised you names. I said I had something to tell you, but as Albus and Scorpius don’t seem to think I’m a complete monster, I won’t mention it now. But I wouldn’t have given names anyway.”   
“Get some Veritaserum,” dad barks angrily, “and bring it to her cell.”

Scorpius and I watch silently as Delphi is pushed out the room, followed by dad. Draco doesn’t move. It’s over. We never have to see her again. It’s over. Thank Dumbledore.   
“Albus,” Draco says quietly, “can I speak to you outside?”

I pause for a moment, a little confused, and then I nod, letting go of Scorpius’ hand and wiping the sweat off my palm. I follow him out into the corridor, trying to ignore the exhaustion starting to wash over me.   
“Albus, this isn’t my job,” Draco says quietly, “but as your father is otherwise engaged, I’ll ask.”   
“Ask?”   
“Are you eating? You’ve lost weight.”   
“I’m not hungry,” I mutter. “And I feel sick. A lot.”   
“For how long?”   
“A few weeks.”   
“Have you been to the Hospital Wing?”   
“I don’t think I’m ill,” I admit. “Not properly – ill.”   
“When did you start feeling like this?”   
“When Scorpius started playing Quidditch. And I started going with him. To the pitch.”   
“Do you think it might be something to do with that?”   
“Probably.”   
“Albus.”

His tone sharpens and I stop looking at the floor, tensing slightly. Don’t cry. Don’t start crying. Albus. Don’t because he’s noticed and your dad hasn’t.   
“I’ll talk to him,” I mutter.   
“Make sure you’re okay,” Draco says softly, squeezing my shoulder; I turn away before he can see that I’m crying.

On the way back to Hogwarts, Scorpius and I mainly sit in silence. I assume he’s trying to digest the conversation. I haven’t got that far. I’m still trying to digest the fact that he even asked. I cannot understand why he would willingly ask something likely to scare the living shits out of everyone involved.

That question is still plaguing my mind when we get back and walk down to the Common Room. And the silence has given me time to let the fear grab me and scare me into being angry.

I don’t want to be angry with Scorpius.

But I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is where the crossover between this book and Working Through Fear comes in. If you want to read Working Through Fear for a deeper insight into this plot, it's on my Wattpad. It isn't necessary if you don't want to, but if you fancy it, please do. It's about 48000 words.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	32. Behind The Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning from their meeting with Delphi, Albus and Scorpius have what ends up being a discussion.

The Common Room is reasonably empty when we get back, but I don’t sit down with Scorpius by the fireplace. I just keep walking around, getting continuously more and more agitated. I should never have agreed to this. I should have just told dad, point blank, that it would do this to me. Because of course he wouldn’t notice unless I spelt it out in front of him.   
“Fuck,” I mutter. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”   
“Albus,” Scorpius turns around. “Albus, just slow down.”

He gets up and starts to walk towards me. I don’t stop pacing. I know if I do, I’ll end up punching a hole in the wall.   
“What the hell,” I mutter. “What the hell, Scorpius.”   
“Albus–”   
“You could have warned me that you were going to ask that!” I find myself screaming. “How were you not terrified?”   
“I was scared of something else,” Scorpius says quietly.   
“Why the fuck did I even agree to this?”   
“It was a good thing,” Scorpius murmurs. “Albus, just–”   
“How the fuck?” I stop walking. “How the fuck are you suddenly so fucking fearless? After every fucking thing–”   
“I’m not. I have something that scares me more.”

I should care about what that is, but I am so fucking scared and angry and I don’t know what’s going on in my head. And Scorpius seem to be calm for some reason.   
“What is worse than her?” I stare at him. “She…you don’t really have a question about whether or not she’s a monster?”   
“I don’t know,” Scorpius admits. “I keep trying to work it out. But I can’t and it keeps getting inside my head.”   
“You could have said,” I hear my voice crack. “You could have warned us. I–”   
“I was terrified out of my mind. I was scared too.”   
“Then why the fuck did you ask that?”

I’m screaming again. I can’t see properly, tears blurring my vision as I sink to the floor, trying to resist the need to tear my hair out. I hate her. I hate her so damn much that it scares me because, right now, I wish I had killed her. I wish that she was dead so that this could just be over. But of course it wouldn’t be. I scream again.   
“Shut up!” Scorpius says sharply. “Albus just…be quiet.”

I do, looking at him, blinking back tears until I can see properly again. He’s stood by the chair silently, staring forward blankly. “Why?” “Because I have a hundred things screaming in my head and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Silence.

“I know that you hear me screaming, inside your head,” he continues quietly. “And I don’t know if you ever found out, but I hear screaming too and it never fucking stops.”

More silence.

“I hear her screaming. And every time I do, I spend a million years trying to make up my mind about her. Because I don’t know if she’s a monster or not and it’s driving me insane every time I think about it!”

He shouts the last bit, his voice cracking, and I flinch. I look at him, a tear rolling down my cheek. I need to help him. So I stand up and walk towards him slowly. I’m starting to calm down a little. I’m not shaking anymore. But he is.   
“Scorpius,” I try to keep vaguely calm.   
“You don’t understand!” he screams, sinking to the floor. “You don’t ever understand!”   
“I know,” I crouch beside him, taking his hand gently. “Will you help me understand?”

He looks at me and I sit beside him, not letting go of his hand. He takes a slow breath and swallows nervously.   
“She isn’t a monster because she just wanted to have a family who cared about her and she was desperate to the point where she was willing to go to those – lengths. And I understand that. If someone gave me the chance to get my mum back, I…I wouldn’t hurt people. But other people would. And I…I can understand. She isn’t a monster.”

Silence.

“But she is a monster. Because she hurt us. She made you think that she cared. She hurt me. And I keep hearing her screams.”   
“Her screams?”   
“When you climbed through that grate,” Scorpius’ voice shakes violently, “I knew I couldn’t stop you. If your mum couldn’t, then you wouldn’t have listened to me. But I wanted to stop you. And then you were gone and you were fighting and I just kept thinking. And I just…every time she screamed a curse I…I didn’t know whether…when, if, we got those doors open…I didn’t know whether I was going to see you…see you or your – your body. And I…I couldn’t…”

I pull him into a tight hug, not caring as my robes begin to soak through with both of our tears. He holds on desperately, shaking. I pull him closer, feeling him curl up beside me.   
“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers.   
“You won’t,” I promise. “You won’t ever lose me.”   
“Please…”   
“I promise,” I murmur. “And I’m sorry for shouting. Earlier. I should have tried to calm myself down. I’m sorry.”   
“Sorry I yelled back.”   
“Don’t apologise for that,” I say softly. “Don’t ever apologise for being the better person.”   
“I’m not–”   
“Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy,” I look him in the eye, smiling, “because you seem quite reluctant to accept your achievements, I am going to list some of the ones most important to me. And you are going to admit that you are smart and brave and kind.” And damn beautiful.   
“Albus…”   
“You told me that I was as much to thank as you when you beat the dementors,” I start quietly. “I call bullshit. That was you. Whatever helped you was still you. You saved the entire world.”   
“I had help…”   
“And you kept going after you lost the help that _you_ found.”

Scorpius shrugs and I raise my eyebrows in mock disappointment. He cracks a smile at that, starting to nod. “And that is just the beginning,” I continue. “Scorpius, you didn’t have to come with me when I jumped off the train. But you did. And that is probably the only reason I’m still alive. She – she would have killed me pretty quickly. You saved me.”   
“Did I save you from a monster? Or…I don’t know anymore.”   
“Are you questioning it because you pity her?”   
“I don’t know.”   
“You can pity a monster,” I say quietly. “I hate her. Sometimes I wish we’d killed her. But I still pity her.”   
“I just…I wish it was black and white. It would be so much easier.”   
“Whatever you decide, if you decided, if you don’t, I’ll support that. I’ll support you.”

He nods, smiling gratefully at me. Suddenly I feel a fairly overwhelming sense of self-loathing wash over my mind. I yelled at him. Because I lost my temper and took it out on him. Despite how I think I might feel.

I still don’t understand that. I still don’t understand why I feel this way about him. Because I don’t really know what liking someone is supposed to feel like.

Maybe this is it. Maybe it isn’t.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo. This chapter was mainly swearing. I shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as I did.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	33. Mind Made Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five days later, Albus and Scorpius are having breakfast. And things start to change.

A few days later, we’re sat at the breakfast table, and I’m actually eating some food. Not a lot of food, but some food. I am aware that I have now lost weight to the point where it is dangerous. And now I’m have to try to heal myself again. With yet another promise that it’s going to be okay. “I’m going to find some water,” I say quietly to Scorpius, standing up.

He nods as I walk down the table, looking for a jug. When I find one, I pick it up, pour a little into my glass before walking back to Scorpius. He’s now holding a copy of the Daily Prophet, staring forward blankly. His hands are shaking. I sit down quickly, putting my hand on his.   
“Hey. Scorpius. What’s wrong?”   
“She’s a monster,” he says quietly, angrier than I think I’ve ever heard him. “She is a monster. And I don’t pity her.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Okay. That’s okay–”   
“Read it.”

He shoves the newspaper towards me and I take it, looking at it nervously. Delphi’s photo dominates the front page, her dead-eyed stare piercing me. I cover the photo with my hand, looking to the headline.

My stomach drops past the floor and I feel my heart starting to race. I need to read the article but I can barely concentrate on anything other than fear, so I end up skimming it, picking up only on the details I need. We’re screwed. We’re so screwed.

Because Delphi has broken out of Azkaban. And she had help.

I look back at Scorpius, who looks a slight bit calmer, and I put the paper down slowly, reaching for my water.   
“It won’t last,” Scorpius mumbles desperately. “She’ll be back in Azkaban by tonight and it will all be fine.”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah. Probably.”

* * *

Delphi has not been found by the end of the day and, with every morning, more and more incredulous rumours form around everything from her whereabouts to her motive. Now, I’m no expert, but I’m fairly confident that I know what her motive is. Which I why I haven’t left the school building for four days.

No one else seems concerned that a murderer, an insane murderer, has broken out of prison and is at large. Maybe it’s because she didn’t hurt them. Didn’t manipulate them to the point where they relied almost solely upon her, before tearing their lives apart.

So, really, it’s not a surprise that no one cares. No one apart from Scorpius and I got hurt. And Craig.

Scorpius is coping with the news in the same way that he copes with everything. He’s working and learning and generally distracting himself to the point where he never stops moving. It scares me.

However, I don’t stop him. I know how scared he is and, if I’m being honest, I wish there was something I could do to distract myself from thinking about her. I can’t distract myself. I can’t think about anything else.

During November, my schoolwork begins to slip. Scorpius ignores all my teachers’ instructions and comes with me when I get detention for missing about a week’s worth of homework. They tell him to leave. He points out why I’m falling behind. They ignore him. He point it out more aggressively, something that shocks me.

They don’t give me detentions after that.

Scorpius doesn’t change his mind about Delphi. He remains convinced that she is an unpitiable monster, and I lose more pity for her with every passing day. Scorpius, however, does not stop living in the way that I do. He still goes to Quidditch, and he doesn’t mind that I don’t come.

The day after our conversation with Delphi, I asked him if it would be okay if I stopped coming. I started trying to explain and he interrupted me, saying that it was okay, that he understood. And he does. He always does.

So, when he leaves to go down to the Quidditch Pitch, I go to the Library and try to get some work done. Most of the time, I just end up returning to the mess of feelings in my mind. And I have no idea what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delphi is out! Sorta out of the blue but it works in my head (Working Through Fear - wattpad)  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	34. The Useless Part of Written Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus, finally fed up of the confusion and pain in his head, sits down to do some research.

On my fourth trip to the library, I stop running around the same three thoughts and actually try to be proactive. I close my textbook and stand up, walking towards the fiction section that was installed at some point last year. I pick up every book I’ve ever read that contains a romantic relationship – which is most of them – and then I sit back at the desk, now accompanied by several large piles of books.

In every single one of them, I remember that there was some defining moment in which character A ‘fell’ for character B. I am hoping that their fictional endeavours might offer me some sort of insight into whatever the hell is going on in my head.

I flick through each book to the vague part where I remember the moment, whereupon I mark the page and move onto the next book.

Around the sixth book, I begin to lose my patience with the entire idea. There are multiple themes that run through the books – you can see it coming from a mile away, it’s always a man and a woman. And there’s never actually a description of what love is supposed to feel like.

I mean, there’s the occasional reference to someone being attractive, but Scorpius has always looked quite pretty. I don’t know if that’s me fancying him, or just being able to appreciate that he has nice facial features.

I am completely useless at this.

I don’t want to assume that I have a crush on Scorpius, but given that the thoughts and feelings only seem to be getting more intense, it is becoming something that I am slightly happier to consider.

Now there’s only the implications of that to deal with.

“Hey, Albus,” Thomas Anderson pokes his head around the bookshelf. “Someone said you have the copy of,” he breaks off. “Bloody hell, Albus. May I ask why you need all these – romance novels?”   
“Research,” I mutter.   
“What?” Thomas frowns. “Research for what?”   
“Trying to work something out.”   
“Can I take this?” Thomas walks over and picks up one of the books.   
“Go ahead,” I mutter. “It’s about as useful as the rest of them.”   
“What are you trying to find out? If you don’t mind me asking.”   
“What a crush feels like.”   
“In romance novels?”   
“I thought they’d have descriptions. They don’t.”   
“If you wait here,” Thomas says gently, “I’ve got a book in my dormitory that I can go and get.”   
“If you’re okay with that,” I shrug. “I’ll still be here.”

He smiles, closes the book, and walks away. I watch him, trying to work out why he wants to help me. He’s never actively disliked me, but we’ve never really interacted. And now he’s offered to help me. Or he’s making a fool of me and I’ll find out pretty quickly.

I wait silently, closing each book around me. I pile them up, standing up to return them to the shelf, when Thomas appears again, holding another small book. He sits down and I do the same, trying not to tap the desk to relieve the nerves in the pit of my stomach.   
“Here,” Thomas slides the book over to me and I pick it up, looking at the cover.

It’s brightly coloured and the title is incredibly cheesy, but it looks more promising than piles of non-descriptive romance novels.   
“Thanks,” I say. “Can I borrow this for a couple of days?”  
“Take it as long as you need,” Thomas smiles. “Honestly, you look like you need it.”   
“What?” I look up at him as he stands.

He stops again, opening his mouth to speak before pausing, his face suddenly a mask of concentration. I look back at the desk awkwardly, regretting having said anything.   
“You’re trying to work out whether you have a crush on Scorpius,” Thomas murmurs.

It isn’t a question. He knows. How bad am I at this for _him_ to know.

“Don’t panic,” he says quickly. “No one else knows. I just thought it might be that because Scorpius isn’t here and that’s the only time you seem to start getting worked up.”   
“Please don’t–”   
“I won’t tell anyone,” he assures me. “Believe me, I get it.”   
“Is that why you’re helping me?”   
“You don’t deserve to work this out on your own. I…it’s fucking hard.” “Thanks.”

I try to smile at him, surprised when I can muster a truly genuine expression. He smiles back, walking away, and I start to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally this boy is looking up. Anyone else ever noticed that media never tells you what romance feels like?  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	35. Accepting Bright Colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus reads the book lent to him by Thomas, and I don't think anyone will be surprised with what happens.

The book the Thomas lent me is one of the most interesting things I have read in a long time. I cannot imagine how much research it took to compile the sheer amount of information contained within its pages.

I try and read as much as I can when I’m alone, and I’m done within a few days. I tell Scorpius that I’m going to the library to find a book, and then I almost run to where Thomas normally sits in the Great Hall. Mercifully, he’s there, and he looks up.   
“Albus,” he smiles. “Did it help?”   
“I don’t know,” I mumble.   
“Sit down.”

I do.

“Okay. Just try and talk through what’s in your head. I’ll listen and try to help.”

I look around the hall, slightly nervous. It’s pretty quiet and, if I talk quietly, no one is going to hear when I admit the truth. Because I have to. I can’t bottle it up. I just need to get it out and then I can work out what to do next.   
“I…” I start slowly. “I have a crush on Scorpius. I think – I think I’m gay.”   
“Okay,” Thomas nods. “Okay. Are you all right with that?”   
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t…I don’t know whether anyone will be okay with it. I don’t know whether anyone will be okay with it. I don’t know whether I actually am or–”   
“Albus,” Thomas interrupts firmly. “Albus, from what I know about what – happened, once you’ve ignored all the blatantly false rumours, it appears that you went to the end of the earth for Scorpius. If you think you love him, you probably do.”   
“Is that okay?”   
“Yes. It’s absolutely fine.”   
“I don’t know anyone else–”   
“There’s quite a few of us,” Thomas smiles. “We’re just not out to most people.”   
“You’re gay?”   
“I’m pan,” Thomas corrects me. “I ‘like’ all genders. But we’re all part of the LGBTQIA+ community.”

I nod, trying to store all the information in my head, while also just understanding the most basic part about it. I’m gay. And it’s okay. It’s actually okay.

I think my main fear really came down to the fact that I thought I was the only one, and that made it wrong, unnatural. But there are people at school, and if the book that Thomas lent me even exists, it means that enough people exist to warrant the book’s existence.

Not to mention that there is a name of a community. An accepting community. People who probably won’t turn me away because they don’t know who I am. Not necessarily.   
“Do other people need to – know?”   
“Do you want them to?”   
“No.”   
“Then you don’t tell them. Not until you’re ready.”   
“And if I’m never ready?”   
“That’s fine.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Okay. Thank you, Thomas.”   
“Call me Tom,” he says gently. “I’ve got to go. You going to be okay?”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah. Thanks for your help.”   
“No problem.”

* * *

I don’t tell Scorpius. Shit me, I don’t tell anyone. And I think that my reasons are justified. The rest of the world doesn’t know because I am not prepared to add another layer to the current bullying. Because it hasn’t stopped. It’s little words, here and there. Things that shouldn’t matter, but they keep eating away, ripping little chunks off me like some fucked-up monster.

And telling Scorpius isn’t an option. Telling my best friend that his best friend is gay and worked it out because of a crush on him would freak him out beyond belief. I am not going to do that. He can’t cope with it and, in all honesty, neither can I.

I would rather he never know and we just remain close friends forever rather than alienate myself by admitting he is the most amazing person I have ever been lucky enough to have in my life.

How the hell did I not work this out sooner?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's happened. Albus is officially gay and admitting that Scorpius is the most wonderful human in the world.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	36. Before It Bursts Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas comes and Albus starts to consider his options.

When the Christmas holidays roll around, Scorpius and I are both fairly cheerful on the journey home. Despite the fact that Delphi is still at large, I feel able to laugh when Scorpius mentions that he deems the term a success, simply because neither of us ended up in the Hospital Wing with broken ribs.

Although it might simply be because Scorpius is smiling. I’m finally able to accept just how beautiful he is, mainly in general. But when he smiles, it just catapults it to an entirely new level. I don’t really know how to describe it beyond the idea that he just lights up and brings warmth to everything in his surroundings.

Stop. Merlin’s Beard, Albus. Stop.

He is sat opposite you. You cannot start crushing this hard on him right now.

“Are you going to be okay over Christmas?” Scorpius breaks the silence.  
“Probably,” I nod. “Delphi hasn’t done anything yet. And dad, dad won’t let anything happen.”  
“Yeah,” Scorpius nods. “Albus just, please make sure you’re okay.”  
“I will.”

I mean it. If he wants me to make sure, if he cares that much (of course he does) then I’m going to make sure. Even when I don’t want to. For him. I’ll do it for him.

* * *

The beginning of the Christmas holidays is pretty uneventful. Dad is rarely around, constantly out on the hunt for Delphi. When he does get home, it’s so late that they assume I’m asleep. I’m not. Most of the time, I try to keep myself awake until I crash so badly that I sleep too deeply to dream.

I want to tell them, I think, but it’s difficult to work out how when I never see dad and mum is also looking after Lily and James. Whether or not I mean to, I’ve started to isolate myself again. And I can’t stop.

Two days before Christmas, mum realises that my sleeping patterns are still fucked up and starts to sit with me as I fall asleep, stroking my hair softly. When she starts doing this, I try to work out what I would say to her if I were going to tell her that I’m gay.

I don’t think she’d have a problem with it, because she cares about me, and it’s only a small thing. It shouldn’t matter that much. But it does matter enough to be scared to tell her.

On Boxing Day, once dad goes back to work after one day with his family, I sit down at my desk and take out a quill. There are so many thoughts running around my head and I need to get them out because I’m terrified everything is just going to spill out when I don’t want it to. I need to have some control over the entire thing.

So I just write. I write out every thought until I can’t write anything else. Everything is probably repeated a dozen times, but in my head it makes sense.

When that is done, I pull out more paper and attempt to condense my insane ramblings into something that is, at the very least, legible. And then I just sit, for what I think might be hours, debating as to whether I should rip the entire thing up and continue keeping it a secret.

I am so shitty at keeping secrets.

So that isn’t a good idea.

But telling mum might not be either. Because I know that I don’t want dad to know, not yet, and I don’t know whether mum will keep it a secret.

I suppose that all I can do is ask.

Because keeping this secret entirely to myself is not going to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	37. Being Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus attempts to come out to Ginny.

That night, when mum is settled beside me as I start to fall asleep, I sit up suddenly. Lily is already asleep. Dad and James are out. It’s just us. She frowns at me and I pull the letter out from beneath my pillow. And then I look at her nervously.

Mum looks at me, concerned, and I look at the floor, fiddling with the corner of the paper. I should tell her. She deserves to know. She’s my mum. But at the same time, this is my secret to share. This is important to me. I need to make this decision.   
“If I show you this,” I mumble inaudibly before clearing my throat and trying again. “If I show you this, don’t tell dad? Please?”   
“Okay,” mum nods. “Are you okay, Al?”

I shrug, passing her the letter. I don’t sit down again, my stomach starting to churn with nerves as she opens it. She won’t care. It isn’t that important a thing about me. It doesn’t change much. She won’t mind. Please, Merlin, let her not mind.

Because if I’ve just driven a rift between myself and mum, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need her. I need her so fucking much. Please, Merlin, don’t let this be a mistake.

I stand silently, trying not to show how scared I am, as she reads. After what feels like an eternity, she looks at me, folding the letter over again. I look at the floor, my chest tightening to the point where I’m struggling to draw breath. Mum stands up, walking around the bed and pulling me into a firm hug.

I can almost feel the weight lifting from my shoulders as she strokes the back of my head gently.   
“It’s okay,” she murmurs softly. “It’s okay, Albus.”   
“You’re not – you’re not angry?”   
“Of course not,” mum says gently. “There’s nothing wrong with being who you are. Nothing at all.”

I nod, blinking back tears. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. She is okay with me. I don’t have to be scared.   
“How long have you known?”   
“I think I first knew,” I mumble, “I think it was May. I wasn’t really okay with it until a few weeks ago.”   
“Okay,” mum nods.

She lets go of me and I climb back into bed, lying back and staring at the ceiling. I feel lighter. I think I feel hopeful.   
“About Scorpius,” mum sits down on the bed.   
“I don’t know,” I say quickly, about to ramble. “I–”   
“Shhh,” mum smiles softly. “It’s fine. I just wanted to know whether he knew.”   
“No,” I shake my head. “I didn’t want to – mess things up – between us.”

Mum nods and I swallow. I shouldn’t ask about dad, not right now. I should be happy that she’s okay with me, and not concentrate on him right now. But I do. I do think about him.   
“Do you think dad will be – do you think he’ll be angry?”   
“I don’t know,” mum says softly. “I don’t think he’ll be angry, but – well – I suppose he might be a little surprised.”   
“Bad surprised?”   
“I don’t know,” mum says again. “But I will talk to him, if you want me to.”   
“Not yet,” I say quickly. “I…I don’t know how to tell him.”   
“You don’t have to,” mum says. “If you don’t want to tell him, don’t. It’s your decision.

* * *

I sleep easy that night for the first time in a long time. My mum is with me, there are no secrets between us, not from me, at least. I’m going to be okay.

If, when, I tell dad, even if he’s surprised, he’ll be okay with it. And if he isn’t, mum will talk to him, talk him round. Everything is going to be okay. I’m not going to break thigs apart. I can be me and be happy without hurting my family.

I can be happy without being a complete fuck up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some more cheer. Hope you like it.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	38. Sympathy For The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus comes to the kitchen to discover some troubling news.

I walk into the kitchen a couple of days later to see dad striding around the table, ranting angrily. Mum is leaning against the work surface, listening and nodding along with him. Dad breaks off as I walk in and, for half a moment, I think he might know about my sexuality, but a single glance at mum puts that fear at ease.   
“We were so close,” dad apparently finishes his rant. “So bloody close.”   
“You’ll find her,” mum says softly, passing dad a mug. “Sit down, have a rest, have some _food_ , and then go back.”   
“We have time,” dad nods. “Some time.”   
“What’s going on?” I mumble, still standing by the doorway.

They share an apprehensive glance and then dad walks towards me, pulling me into a hug. I don’t object, although I’m a little confused.   
“It’s going to be okay, Albus.”

I pull away, looking between both of them. Something is going on and reassurance that it’s okay while not knowing what it is does just make it worse.   
“What’s going on?” I ask again, a little more forcefully. “Delphi was found,” mum says quietly.   
“And?”   
“She got away,” dad says angrily. “We had her, we were taking her back to Azkaban, and she escaped.”   
“You’ll find her,” mum assures him. “She’s injured and if you didn’t find her with others, then there’ll be a couple more days before anyone finds her, should they even be looking.”   
“Who would be looking for her?”   
“Her guardian and her step-father,” dad half-spits. “For some reason, they weren’t with her.”   
“Who was?”   
“No one. She found an empty cabin and stayed there. Merlin knows what she was planning.”

I nod, walking towards the sink and picking up a glass to fill it with water. The readiness with which he said no one is a little odd, but it’s not important. He’s known about this for a while. He’s had time to ‘prep’ answers, and it’s probably true.

But that’s not the important part, in my head. In my head, the important part was that I was beginning to become a little less scared of her, because she’s been out for weeks and nothing has happened. But if she’s been planning something, she’ll have learnt from her mistakes. Because she was smart. She is smart enough to learn.

I stop myself thinking through it. I cannot terrify myself this much when I know I am safe. And I will continue to be safe unless I do anything stupid when I get back to school. She won’t get to me.

And she certainly won’t get to Scorpius.

Draco would sooner murder her in cold blood than allow Scorpius to get hurt again. I hope Scorpius knows this. I hope Scorpius knows that his dad would go beyond the end of the earth for him.

I would too, but telling him when we’re just friends would probably end with me rambling and he would probably work out that I have managed to fall in love with him. I want him to know. Just, just not yet.   
“Albus.”   
“Uh, yeah,” I jump slightly.   
“It’s going to be okay.”   
“I know.”

It’s probably a lie but it’s better than panicking. If I just keep going, for as long as I can, maybe this whole thing will blow over.

When we saw her, she seemed as if she was almost broken. She’d lost weight. Her skin had been almost grey. She had been a mess. Maybe she’s broken. Maybe sympathy for the devil won’t make a difference in this situation.

Because I don’t care how broken and hurt she is. She is a devil. From now until forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Delphi slipped through their fingers   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	39. Labels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus attempts to come out to Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Homophobia

On New Year’s Day, I ask dad if we can go on a walk together. The request sort of spills out and I spend the twenty minutes in between asking him and leaving the house debating whether now is a good time to come out to him.

I don’t know what he’s going to say, but telling him alone is better. Telling him when there are other people around, other things that could make him angry, isn’t a good idea. I don’t want him to be angry. I want him to be okay with it. But it’s a change. It’s a shock. And he normally reacts to shock with anger, because it’s easiest.

I don’t have to tell him. I could just say that I wanted to spend some time with him, because I do. But maybe he deserves to know. He’s my dad. He cares about me. And we’ve both learnt from our mistakes after last time. Haven’t we?

I don’t manage to make a decision before we leave the house and, according to dad, I’m unusually quiet. I nod awkwardly, trying to smile. And we keep walking. Until we talk to the point where I feel vaguely at ease. At least, at ease enough to speak.   
“Dad,” I stop walking.   
“Albus?”   
“I wanted to,” I pause, “I wanted to tell you something – I worked out. I just – I’m not really sure how…”   
“It’s okay,” dad says gently. “Take your time.”

I nod, taking a deep breath. What is the best way to go about this? I could have sworn that I’ve asked myself that question a hundred times already, but everything seems to be gone, so I’ll have to work through it again.   
“I think,” I start slowly, “no, no, I know, I…I have a crush on someone.”

The words tumble out of my mouth before logic can step in to catch me. Almost immediately, I see the tension disappear from dad’s shoulders, as if he were preparing for the worst.

“That’s fine, Albus,” he smiles. “You look terrified. What’s wrong?”   
“I have a crush on Scorpius,” I don’t let my voice crack this time. “I’m gay.”   
“Oh,” dad nods slowly. “Okay. Well, I’m sure it’s not an issue if you are. We can help you.”   
“What do you mean? Are you okay with it?”

There’s an awkward pause as I look hopefully at him, biting my lip. If he’s just surprised, talking will help. It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. He’s my dad. He loves me. He’ll be able to look past it and see that I’m still me.

Except his next words bring me crashing down.

“Albus, I’m not sure that this is something that you can know just yet. You’re only fifteen.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “You’re still very young to be knowing things about yourself.”   
“Would you have a problem if I had a crush on – oh, I don’t know – Polly Chapman?” I snap.   
“That’s different–”   
“How?” I snap, feeling the anger starting to snap within me. “Is it – is it because she’s a girl and Scorpius is a boy?”   
“Albus, this isn’t normal,” dad tries to be firm. “It’s something that we can fix–”   
“I don’t need to be fixed. And it’s more normal than you’d think.”   
“Albus…”

Maybe it’s because I was so desperate for him to be okay with it. Maybe it’s because I thought things were actually getting better between us. Maybe it’s because we’re too predisposed to a fight. But, for whatever reason, I find myself snapping again, near shouting.   
“What is your problem with this?” I ask. “Why do you have a problem with me being – being gay?”

I shouldn’t have let my temper fly so soon, and I shouldn’t have hoped that he would take it as well as mum did. But I’m angry. I’m angry that he can’t understand that I’m okay with this, finally.   
“Does he – does Scorpius know?”   
“No,” I mutter. “No. I don’t know whether I want to tell him or not.”   
“Because you’re not sure?”   
“Because I don’t want to make our friendship awkward,” I say firmly. “I am entirely fucking sure.”   
“Albus–”   
“You told me that – whatever labels I was given, that you saw my heart – and you knew it was a good one. Please, please just try to keep seeing that.” “Albus,” dad is suddenly firm. “Albus, this is a phase. You’re not gay. We didn’t – we didn’t raise you like that.”

There is a silent as I step backwards, raising my eyebrows. At least I know that mum kept her promise. One positive in what appears to be a storm of anger. Mainly my anger and his fear.   
“You didn’t raise me like that?” I throw my arms out. “Okay. Okay. I guess mum missed that memo.”

And then I’m walking backwards, walking away from him. And I’m starting to look up. Smiling.   
“I’m gay!” I shout, almost scream. “I’m Albus Potter and I’m gay!”   
“What are you–”   
“I’m going home.”

* * *

When I get home, mum is sitting in the kitchen and she tries to check if I’m okay. I don’t respond, half-slamming my bedroom door and lying back on my bed.

I hate him. I actually fucking hate him.

Downstairs, the door shuts and I hear voices. I don’t know what they’re saying, but I can hear mum starting to get angrier, dad not even attempting to match her anger. When mum gets angry, there is no matching her.

But he doesn’t relent. When I crack the door open, it is obvious that he still considers me a confused, probably attention-seeking teenager. Because I was finally happy with myself and actually felt able to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Harry is, ummm, a dick.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments welcome  
> Twitter/wattpad @evieadams273


	40. No Longer Content

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus goes back to school, unable to shake what has happened.

I don’t see dad much for the rest of the holidays. I avoid him when he is at home, but most of the time he’s still out searching for Delphi. Which is why he doesn’t come to wave us off when the train leaves for school.

Mum hugs me goodbye, murmuring that it’s going to be okay, and I just cling on tightly. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to let go and know that I’m throwing myself back to the wolves.

But I do. I do and I find Scorpius, sitting alone like he always is. When he notes my quietness and asks if I’m okay, I am reminded, almost immediately, of how much I don’t deserve him.

I shrug it off, saying I’m tired. And while I know he doesn’t buy that, he doesn’t press it. I imagine that he ‘put two and two together’ when he saw that dad wasn’t here, and assumed that I am upset about his lack of appearance. I haven’t told him about the argument. He doesn’t even know there was one.

The train journey is quiet; I try and read for a while, but I don’t know who I’m fooling. At one point, Scorpius asks me if I’ll be okay if he goes to find some food – the Trolley Witch ignored us again. I nod, not able to bring myself to look up.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so cut up about this? I was fine when it happened. I was fine when mum came up to give me comfort that I didn’t need then. I need it now. Because, for some reason or other, stuff is starting to catch up with me now.

Only now, when I really need to concentrate on school and carry on with my life, everything is flaring up again. I need to move my thoughts away from it. I need to keep calm. I don’t have to see him until Easter. By then, things might have actually calmed down. I might be able to wonder around and be proud of who I am. It’s unlikely, however.

*

When we get to school, I manage to make small talk through dinner, and then I excuse myself to go to bed. Scorpius very much knows that something is wrong, and he comes into the dormitory as I’m tossing and turning and trying to fall asleep. I don’t respond as he sits down on my bed, but I reach for his hand. This probably isn’t awkward for him. And I – I need it. At this point I need it so badly that I wouldn’t care if he worked it out.

He takes my hand, squeezing it gently, and I try not to cry. What did I ever do to deserve his warmth and kindness and radiance?   
“Thank you,” I whisper.   
“Did something happen, Albus?” Scorpius murmurs, looking worriedly at me.   
“I’ll be okay,” I lie, forcing a smile. “It’s not anything massive.”   
“Are you sure? You haven’t been this quiet since – for a long time.”   
“I’m okay,” I nod. “How were your holidays? I didn’t ask.”   
“Quiet,” Scorpius shrugs. “We did a lot of baking on Christmas Day.”   
“You and your dad bake?”   
“We used to do it with mum. And, after – well, after…that, we didn’t want to do what we always did on Christmas. But we didn’t want to just pretend…so, we bake, or we try. Just – to…to…”   
“To remember,” I smile softly.   
“Yeah,” Scorpius nods, sighing. “Yeah.”   
“She’d be proud of you,” I say quietly, sitting up slightly. “I don’t say it enough, but she’d be so proud of everything you’ve done.”   
“I hope so,” Scorpius nods. "Sometimes, sometimes I think she might be upset at the things I’ve stopped doing. I just – I can’t bring myself to do them again.”   
“She wouldn’t be,” I say. “She would understand. It’s your decision and it isn’t like you just – stopped. She loved you. She would be proud of you, no matter what.”   
Scorpius smiles to himself. “Sometimes I think she’d have helped me hide a dead body if I’d asked her to.”   
“Knowing the older traditions,” I smile, “it probably wouldn’t have been the first time.”   
“Are you suggesting I would kill someone?”   
“Unfortunate circumstances.”

Scorpius laughs and I watch his smiles. I think is smile is one of the many reasons that he qualifies as a literal angel. That, and his unimaginable kindness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we enter the thick of it.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	41. Change Of Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus goes down to Hogsmeade alone in January. It's cold. Understandably.

A couple of weeks into term, there is a Hogsmeade weekend. Normally, I would do everything I could to avoid going, but today, I need to get somewhere other than school. I need a long walk. I need the cold. I need the distraction.

Scorpius asks if I’m okay with going out when – she – is still not back in Azkaban. I say I am, simply because the need to get out is much more present in my mind than the fear of her, though I don’t say why.

And she wouldn’t come after me in Hogsmeade. She wouldn’t be that stupid. There are people everywhere. I’ll be safe.

Scorpius asks if I mind if he doesn’t come. I say of course it don’t, because it’s his choice and I understand if he’s scared. I should be, but I think I’m a little past that, at this point. It feels like so long since anything actually happened, and even longer since it’s been a dangerous thing, that it feels safe. It is safe, mainly.

Scorpius says he might come down to the village later, if he’s feeling up to it. I assure him that it’s more than fine if he doesn’t, and it’s his decision. And then I get ready to go. He stays with me as I do and everything begins to feel a little calmer, just through his presence.

I don’t think he realises how much it helps me, how much being able to rely on him does to assure me that I am not alone. I know he doesn’t know. I know that there is a chance that things would be different if he did know. But for the moment I’ll gladly accept this. I need this.

* * *

The walk down to Hogsmeade is unpleasantly cold and windy. Between the hat that I’ve pulled down over as much of my face as possible, and the scarf wound around my neck and lower face, it’s almost a miracle I can actually see anything.

I keep walking on, weighing up the pros and cons of sitting in the Three Broomsticks. If I found Rose, I could probably avoid anyone trying to beat me up. And it would be warm. Shit me, it would be warm.

But I’m not sure about how I would feel around a lot of people. Lots of people means talking. Lots of people means pretending to be okay in order to avoid questions. Lots of people means lying. Which is something I’d rather avoid.

So, walking around in the cold seems to be the plan again. It won’t be that bad – it’ll clear my head. The cold always seems to do that, even when it’s combined with the wind and the occasional burst of rain.   
“Albus.”

I look up to see Tom Anderson walking towards me, waving and smiling. I wave back, but I don’t smile. It’s not as if he’d even be able to see if I did, what with the scarf covering my face.   
“Morning,” I say. “How are you?”   
“Decent,” Tom shrugs. “I was wondering about you. Scorpius isn’t here.”   
“He didn’t feel like coming,” I explain, wanting to mumble but instead half-shouting over the wind.   
“Things are still okay between you two?”   
“He has no idea, so yeah.”   
“Are you okay, Albus?”   
“I came out to my parents,” I speak as quietly as possible.   
“Okay,” Tom nods. “Were they okay with it?”   
“Mum was. Dad was – dad doesn’t think – he wasn’t okay.”   
“I’m sorry Albus. That’s shit. Do you think he’ll come around?”   
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “And at this point I just – I don’t care. I probably will later. But right now, I’ve just added it to the pile of shit.”   
“I’m here if you need to talk to anyone,” Tom says gently. “Just come find me.” “Thank you.”

I mean it. Knowing that I have at least one person at school who knows and who cares, means the actual world. And I think Tom knows that. I think he understands this feeling of being alone, this fear.

Tom smiles and walks away, re-joining his group of friends. We’ve reached the village at this point and I wander towards the Shrieking Shack. On the few occasions that I’ve come down to Hogsmeade, I’ve always liked it up there. Because it’s quiet. And because the history of the place always flows, almost incomprehensibly, from Scorpius’ lips. It’s always funny to watch, and we end up a giggly mess most of the time.

But today I am alone. And that’s okay. It is his decision. I am alone. Which isn’t anything new anymore.

I stop at the fence, a few feet from the building, staring up at it. People call it a ruin, a shack, but it’s more than that. It’s art. It’s beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	42. Lonely Puzzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus meets a slightly creepy blonde lady.

I stare out at the Shrieking Shack for a long time until, even with all my woollen clothing, I’m shivering violently. It’s probably not as cold as my body insists it is, but the lack of Scorpius’ presence seems to take something from the air. Not that I’m annoyed that he didn’t come. I understand why he didn’t want to come.  
“Hello.”

I jump as a woman with short blonde hair and quite heavy makeup comes up behind me. Something about her is vaguely familiar, though I’m fairly sure I’ve never seen her before.  
“Hello,” I say slowly, frowning. “Do I – do I know you?”  
“No,” she smiles. “I was just wondering if you were okay. You’ve been here for a while.”  
“You’ve been watching me?” I stare at her, reaching for my wand as I back away.  
“Only for a few minutes,” she says quickly. “I wasn’t trying to be creepy. Sorry.”  
“Are you trying to fuck with me?” I snap. “Call me stupid, but I don’t trust – I don’t trust people. You were watching me, and that is creepy.”  
“I’m really sorry,” she says again. “Genuinely.”  
“Right,” I turn back to look at the Shrieking Shack, keeping my wand in hand. “So, do you live here?”  
“Just here on a cheap holiday,” she shrugs. “You here alone?”  
“My friend didn’t feel like coming,” I mutter.  
“I’m Antlia,” she smiles.  
“Albus,” I mumble.

She nods and I am grateful for the silence. Normally my name elicits a rambling one-sided conversation about my dad, something which I do not think I could cope with now. The world is quiet now, but a slight bit more noise would probably push me over the edge. It’s too cold to cry now. The tears would probably freeze on my face.

Why the hell am I so pathetic? I worked myself up to telling him under the idea that it wasn’t that important if he wasn’t okay with it. And now I hate myself to the point where I can’t even talk about him without worrying I’m going to break down. What the fuck is wrong with me? What the actual fuck…  
“Albus!”

I turn sharply as I hear Scorpius behind me, breaking into a smile as I see him hurrying, occasionally stumbling, towards us. He smiles at me, slowing down to stare a little at the woman – at Antlia.  
“You came,” I smile. “Thank you.”  
“Didn’t want to leave you lonely,” Scorpius smiles back. “Who’s – who’s she?”  
“I’m Antlia,” Antlia says quickly. “I was just chatting to Albus.”  
“Albus?” Scorpius looks pointedly at me.  
“I know,” I nod quickly. “Believe me, I know and I didn’t incite this.”  
“You looked a bit lonely,” Antlia shrugs.  
“You were watching him?”  
“I wasn’t lonely,” I look up.  
“Not for long,” Antlia shrugs. “Sorry.”

Scorpius doesn’t look happy with that and I walk over, putting an arm around him and squeezing his shoulder gently.  
“It’s fine,” I murmur. “Bit creepy, I know. But it’s fine.”  
“You were lonely?”  
“Never,” I smile. “You know me.”

Scorpius nods, relaxing a little. Antlia smiles at both of us, making my stomach squirm slightly.  
“I should be going,” she says. “Maybe I’ll see you around later?”  
“Not likely,” I mutter as she walks away. “Creep.”  
“She just started talking to you?”  
“Literally. Never mind. You’re here. Was there anything you wanted to do?”  
“Have a nice day?”

I laugh, smiling at him. He never fails to bring a smile to my face. At this point, I am fairly sure he is the reason my sanity is still intact. After everything with dad, he’s my anchor and I love him even more for it. Not that he’ll ever know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need to know what's going on, please read some of Working Through Fear on wattpad (no need to - just offers a little more insight)  
> @sunshinescorp I await your frantic texts with great laughter  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	43. Promises I Can't Keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius asks Albus to make a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: bit of physical violence, some screaming

As I turn to walk away, Scorpius pulls me into a tight hug, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I frown, but I don’t pull away. There is a strange urgency in his movement and he is struggling to keep his breathing steady. If he needs it, then I’m here for him.   
“Albus,” his murmurs are barely audible over the wind.   
“Yeah?”   
“Promise,” Scorpius says quickly, “promise me something?” “Anything.” “When I tell you,” he starts to shake, “promise me that you’ll run. Run away from here.” “Scorp, what are you–”   
“Run away and don’t look back,” Scorpius interrupts sharply. “Run to where I came from. Find help. Just…promise me.”

I can sense the urgency, the pure fear, in his voice. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to force him into the danger that I assume is behind me. But I have more chance of getting away and he knows that.   
“Promise,” I whisper.

He holds me a little tighter for a few moments, and then he pulls away, screaming at me to run. I do, sprinting back to the village as quickly as I can.

My legs burn and I keep stumbling in the battle with the wind. But I have to keep running, to find help, to save Scorpius. I start trying to think of people who could, would, help me, considering trying to get to Draco. He might have some idea of who…

Except I know who. I have every idea of who.

I can’t abandon him with her. She’s insane. She’ll kill him. I can’t just run away, even if that’s what he wants. I can’t let him die.

But I have to. I have to keep running so that I can save his life. I can’t take her on alone. I know that.

Scorpius starts to scream.

Albus. Keep running.

He’s screaming.

Keeping running. Find help.

The boy that I love is in pain.

I stumble to a halt, spinning to face them. I don’t know who they are, but Scorpius is on his knees between the two of them, twitching and shaking violently. He’s not screaming anymore. But his eyes are so full of fear. I can’t leave him.

I start running again, towards them, and Scorpius starts to scream again, begging me to run, begging me to leave. I don’t. I can’t.

Before I can reach him, one of them grabs my hood, dragging me back sharply. I stumble, choking on my breath, while trying to tear myself away.   
“Who–”   
“Euphemia Rowle,” Scorpius is sobbing. “Rodolphus Lestrange.”   
“What do you want?” I demand. “Why–”   
“It’s not us,” Rodolphus smirks. “We’re just here on an errand.”

I don’t need to ask who for. She got out, laid low for a while, and now she is going to kill us. Because even if she tries – that – again, neither Scorpius nor I will obey her. And she’ll kill us.

Scorpius whimpers as Rodolphus drags him to his feet roughly, smirking, and I feel my stomach lurch. If I’d just kept running, we wouldn’t be here. This is my fault. Fuck. Fuck. We’re going to die.

And it’s my fault.

I’m so sorry, Scorpius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnd the plot has started on chapter 43. We are not even halfway through, people. Have fun.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	44. Justified Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius are taken by their kidnappers.

They disapparate, and we appear in the front room of a manor. Scorpius cries out again as Rodolphus lets him go and he sinks to his knees, curling up into a ball. I fight to get to him and Euphemia lets go of my hood.

I crash to the floor beside him, cradling him in my arms. He’s barely conscious and, judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he hasn’t slept properly in days. I pull him in closer, not caring that it probably feels strange. His being okay and feeling safe, even if we aren’t, is more important.

Why is that the thing I always think of? Why is that the priority?

“Al…Albus,” he mumbles. “Where…”   
“I don’t know,” I look up at our captors. “What do you want?”   
“Stand up.”   
“What?”   
“Stand up,” Euphemia repeats. “Leave him.”   
“If you think that I’m going to–”   
“Fine,” Euphemia mutters, turning away.

She walks to a small door, going through it silently. I don’t dare move, not even to reach for my wand. For some reason, they haven’t taken those yet.

Euphemia returns a minute or so later, holding two Pumpkin Pasties. I stare at her as she sets them down next to me.   
“What the fuck…”   
“I was attempting to be homely,” Euphemia scowls. “You could take it.”   
“You just kidnapped us,” I snap. “You tortured him to – make me – to get hold of me. Fuck off.”

Euphemia’s scowl grows and she steps backwards, raising her wand. I pull Scorpius closer, attempting to shield him, but the flick of her wand does nothing to hurt us directly. Instead she takes our wands, pocketing them with a smirk. I stare at her coolly. They are not going to hurt Scorpius. They are not going to get to him again.

Half a moment later, a pair of hands seizes me from behind. The movement is too sharp and too sudden for me to fight back and Scorpius tumbles out of my arms. He whimpers as he hits the floor, curling into a much tighter ball, and I scream out as someone – likely Rodolphus – forces me away from him.

I scream out until Euphemia drags Scorpius to his feet, pushing him towards wherever I am being taken. I keep my eyes on him for as long as possible until my head is forced forward and we pass through a low doorway.

He lets go of me after that, letting me stumble forward a few feet before I turn and run to where Scorpius is curled. I wrap my arms around him again, looking up at them.

They smirk and then turn on the spot, walking out the door, it shuts behind them, the lock clicking a few times. We’re stuck in here.   
“Albus,” Scorpius’ eyes flutter open weakly. “Albus…”   
“It’s okay,” I whisper softly. “They’ve gone. We’re…well, I don’t know.”   
“They hit me with – something,” he mumbles. “So – it’s so – I – tired…”   
“Sleep,” I murmur. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

Scorpius nods slowly, closing his eyes. His breathing gets a little steadier eventually, and when I know he’s asleep, I let myself breathe a little easier.   
“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you and I’m so sorry that I couldn’t keep my promise.”

After that, I just wait. I fucked up, so badly, but I swear that he will not pay for it again. I am going to fight this. Not him.

My mistake. My fight. His survival.

I don’t care what happens to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pain. It starts here.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	45. A False Sense of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius are locked up together and they discuss their options.

Scorpius wakes up a while later, a little more awake and aware of our surroundings. He leans up against the wall and I get up and start to search the room for a way out. There’s a spark of hope when the second door opens, only to reveal a cupboard containing an empty birdcage.

I sit down after that. There’s nothing. There is nothing I can use to get us out of here. And Scorpius keeps begging me to take a break. He points out that me being stressed and tired won’t help us when they come back. Because they will.

I sit next to Scorpius, letting him lean his head on my shoulder. Neither of us really have anything that we could say to make ourselves feel better, so we just sit in silence. It’s cold and my shaking moves between fear and shivering more than once.

After what I assume is about an hour, Scorpius starts to speak. He’s quiet and he stammers a lot, but that’s not the most important thing. It’s what he says that terrifies me.   
“Al…” he trails off slowly. “Albus…”   
“Are you all right?”

It’s a stupid question, and one that the answer to is incredibly obvious, but I ask it anyway. Some, any, sense of normality about the situation might help. Might.   
“I can’t – I can’t do – this – this again,” Scorpius mumbles. “I can’t face her – I just…”   
“She won’t hurt you,” I promise firmly. “I won’t let them hurt you.”   
“That curse,” Scorpius’ voice cracks. “I can’t face that – that thing – not again – not with – not her. I can’t.”   
“You won’t,” I say. “I promise you, I will not let any of them hurt you at all.”   
“But you…”   
“Don’t worry about me,” I say quietly. “I’ll be fine. As long as you’re okay, I’ll be fine.”   
“You won’t be. That curse, that curse reaches – reaches inside you. It claws and tears and splits and I can’t – you can’t – Albus, I’m scared.”   
“I know,” I nod. “Listen to me, Scorpius. When they come for us again, I am going to distract them and you are going to run. Don’t worry about me. You run.”   
“They’ll kill you.”   
“No, they won’t,” I mutter. “They need leverage. And I’ll get out some other way.”

The last part is an empty promise, but if it gets him out, I don’t care. If I’m wrong and I die, let me die. Just as long as he gets out alive.   
“We shouldn’t fight,” Scorpius mumbles suddenly, pulling himself to his feet. “We shouldn’t try to fight them.”   
“Scorpius?”   
“People will know we’re missing soon. They’ll come looking. They’ll know.”

I feel my stomach sink into the floor. I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want to crush any hope that he’s found. But I know. I know that we, that I, have to fight this one.   
“Albus?”   
“I don’t know if help is coming.” The words spill from my mouth. “I don’t know.”   
"What do you mean?”   
“Dad and I had – another – argument,” I mutter, “during the holidays.”   
“You’d had an argument – last time – and he moved heaven and earth.”   
“It’s different now.” The voice cracks are becoming constant. “Last time, he knew he was wrong. The minute he said it, he knew he’d done wrong. It was a mistake. This time. This time it wasn’t a mistake. He meant it. He was so angry. I don’t know – I’m so sorry.”   
“He won’t just abandon us – you.”

And just like that, Scorpius is the calm one and I am a floundering mess. I think I’m going to cry. That isn’t big. I cry all the time. But now it feels huge.   
“Albus,” Scorpius says firmly. “Albus, let’s assume that your dad isn’t coming, for argument’s sake only, your mum will beat him around the head until he does come. And if she doesn’t, for any reason, my dad will.”   
“Probably,” I nod.   
“Albus.”   
“Yeah,” I’m a little more decisive. “Yeah. Someone is coming.”

I love him. I love that he can find hope through logic even when he’s terrified out of his mind. I love him because he can look past his fear, and I so strongly wish that I could do that. I so strongly wish that I could help him, because he needs it. And I can’t. I don’t know how. I stand up and walk towards him, shoving my hands in my pockets. And then I freeze as I feel something in my pocket. Something small, thin. I pull it out.   
“I love my sister,” I grin.   
“What?”   
“Hairpin,” I hold it up. “I have a hairpin.”   
“No,” Scorpius says firmly. “No. We play it safe. We wait.”

Not for much longer. I’m not waiting only to risk his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're really getting into it and I love the next few chapters.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	46. A Million Mistakes Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus attempts to pick the lock and the consequences are beyond disastrous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: for basically everything - lots of violence, mentions of blood, pain

I stop waiting after another hour goes past. I don’t know what I’m planning on doing if I succeed, but I kneel down by the door, pushing the hairpin into the lock. I try to twist it and not very much happens. So I keep trying. A simple glance back at Scorpius tells me all I need to know. We need to get out.   
“Albus,” Scorpius is sat back against the wall. “Albus, stop. You won’t be able to open it. And even if you can, they – she – might be out there.”   
“I need to try,” I insist, not looking up. “I am not going to let them hurt you.”   
“Albus…”

I continue trying to fiddle with the lock, trying to remember the demonstration uncle George gave me one Christmas. I really wish I’d paid a little more attention. Then again, I never imagined that it might have saved lives one day.

I stop short as the lock starts to click. When the sound continues, I back away quickly. They’re unlocking the door. If I walk away, maybe they won’t notice. Maybe they won’t hurt us. Maybe they won’t hurt him.

I do my best to keep my breathing vaguely steady as Rodolphus walks through the door, his wand raised. We don’t say anything. I can feel tears forming in my eyes. I fucked up. I fucked up so badly.   
“You know, Albus,” Rodolphus smirks, “if you wanted to get out, you should have been a little more subtle.”

He strides towards me and I stumble backwards as Euphemia follows him in, also smirking at the situation. Something inside my head is screaming, clawing and fighting, and I can’t stop it, can’t get rid of it.   
“It was my idea,” Scorpius blurts.   
“No!” I stare at him. “No!”   
“I suggested picking the lock.”   
“Did you?” Rodolphus grins.

My feet are almost frozen to the floor as he walks forward, seizing Scorpius by his jacket front and dragging him to his feet. My mind is frozen. Whatever is inside my head is tearing me apart. They’re halfway across the room when I start to run after him, pulling sharply on Rodolphus’ sleeve, screaming at him to stop. But he doesn’t, shoving me away as he throws Scorpius forward. I scream out as Scorpius hits the door frame and blood begins to trickle out of his nose.  
“Stop. Please.”

Rodolphus doesn’t, forcing Scorpius forward into the front hall. He stumbles, trying to wipe the blood away from his mouth. I try to run towards him as my head clears suddenly, but Euphemia grabs my hood, forcing me to stop sharply.   
“Do not move,” she hisses in my ear, “unless I tell you to.”   
“Get…get off me,” I mutter, trying to fight her off.

She holds me firmly and Rodolphus walks toward Scorpius, his wand outstretched. Scorpius scrambles backwards, the fear on his face all too obvious. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest as I watch ropes appear around his wrists. I made him a promise. I need to keep my promise.   
“It wasn’t his idea!” I shout. “I pick the lock. He tried to stop me.”   
“Did he?” Rodolphus turns to look at me.   
“No,” Scorpius says, spitting blood. “No…my…my idea…”   
“Would you look at that?” Rodolphus smirks. “I thought the best of friends would never argue.”

Neither of us respond to that and Rodolphus walks back towards Scorpius, crouching down next to him. Euphemia grabs my hair and forces my head back to stop me from diving between the two of them.   
“Please,” Scorpius whimpers. “Please…”

When his screams ring through the hall, my knees buckle and I crash to the floor, seconds after he does. Euphemia doesn’t stop me as I crawl towards his shaking, sobbing form, tears rolling down my cheeks.   
“Stop!” I scream desperately. “Please! Stop!”

Scorpius’ cries morph into sobs and I pull myself to him, cradling him in my arms. They laugh as he falls into me, unable to hold himself up properly, and I wrap my arms around him as best I can, shielding him.

Rodolphus walks towards us and I stare up at him defiantly. He smirks, grabbing the back of my jacket and attempting to force me to my feet. I don’t move, continuing to hold onto to Scorpius, who is mumbling something. And then Rodolphus crouches down beside me.   
“I would suggest,” he murmurs softly in my ear, that obeying me would be a good way to prevent him from getting him.”

I look at Scorpius again, trying to work out if he’s telling the truth. Before I get the chance, however, Rodolphus forces me away from Scorpius, who collapses.   
“Albus,” he croaks. “Albus…”   
“Oh, he’ll be fine,” Euphemia laughs, pulling me from Rodolphus and shoving me towards a chair at the edge of the hall.   
“No!” I scream, thrashing about madly. “No! Scorpius!”   
“Test,” Scorpius looks at me. “This…”   
“No!” I snap. “No! We passed! We…”

I don’t finish as Scorpius screams again, writhing and sobbing on the floor. I can’t move – Euphemia has an iron grip on my jacket. I have to force my gaze away from Scorpius to look up at her. She isn’t watching me and I start to unzip my jacket, trying to keep my movements subtle. I can’t fuck this up.

Through some stroke of mercy, she doesn’t notice and I tear away from her, leaving her holding my jacket as I crash to the floor next to Scorpius again, wrapping my arms around him.   
“Run,” Scorpius mumbles into my chest. “Albus, run…”   
“If you are so desperate to protect him,” Rodolphus drags Scorpius to his feet, pushing him towards Euphemia, who has come forward again, “I’m happy to oblige.”

I stare up at him, continuing to attempt to be defiant. I don’t care how much he hurts me. I will not let them hurt Scorpius again.   
“Stand up.”

I obey, glancing at Scorpius, who is being restrained by Euphemia. It doesn’t look as if she’s got a difficult job. Scorpius can barely stand.   
“Turn around and kneel down.”

I turn around, but I don’t kneel, my thoughts racing. I felt so sure that he wasn’t going to kill us. Surely he won’t. Surely that would be a disadvantage to them.

Although, as long as Scorpius is alive, they still have their leverage.

I crash to my knees as the bile rises in my throat. They’re going to kill me. I’m about to die. I don’t want to die. Not now. Not after I’ve survived everything. I don’t want to leave Scorpius. I want him to know how I feel. I want him to know that I love him. If I have to die, I don’t want to die without him knowing that.

But I won’t beg. I won’t give him the excuse to hurt Scorpius. I will protect him. I will protect the boy I love.   
“Crucio!”

White-hot, searing pain shoots through every inch of my body and I fall from my knees, screaming as I hit the floor. I can’t think properly, can’t convince myself this is okay. I just want it to stop. I need it to stop. But I can’t stop it. Even as my body and mind beg, I can’t. I have to take this. For Scorpius.

They’ll stop soon.

They have to stop soon.

They stopped before.

Delphi stopped.

* * *

When they do stop, I’m barely conscious. Until Scorpius starts to scream again and I force myself up, bellowing at them to stop. But they don’t.

And I don’t want to lose him without him knowing.

“Scorpius!” I scream. “Scorpius! I love you!”

I don’t know whether he hears me as his body falls limp on the floor. He’s not dead, but he looks close to it. I stop screaming.   
“Please…” I croak. “Please.”

I don’t remember how they knocked me out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that is the most violent chapter and also the halfway point of this fic. If you're here and still alive, welcome to my mind. I'm very sorry. It's quite a miserable place to be and, as you read this, I am likely having a breakdown in the back of the car. I hope you're having a good day.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	47. Lone Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus wakes up alone, and begins to work to escape.

When I wake up again, I sit up slowly, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in my temples. I told Scorpius. Scorpius knows, if he was conscious enough to hear. Scorpius knows that I love him.

Scorpius.

Scorpius.

Shit. He’s not here.

I’m alone. Which means that they still have him. He’s still in danger. He’s still in danger because I fucked up protecting him. I promised him it would be okay, that I would keep him safe. And I then I watched them torture him until he passed out.

I stand up quickly, stumbling forwards as the pain in my head triples. I swear, crashing into the door, twisting the handle and tugging at it desperately. It doesn’t open.   
“Where is he?” I bellow. “What have you done?”

There is, unsurprisingly, no reply, but I keep slamming my fists against the wood. I’ll get out. I’ll get out if I have to break this door apart. The hairpin that I had been using is long gone, but it didn’t work anyway.

If I want to get out of here, I need to break through this door. And as there is probably something blocking the other side, I can’t just throw things at it and hope that the wood cracks. It probably wouldn’t anyway. Wherever we are, it won’t be the sort of place where stuff breaks easily.

I look at the hinges. They’re visible on this side of the door. That means that, if I can work out how to get rid of them, I might be able to pull the door off its hinges and get out of here.

I accept, at this point, that I cannot fight them alone, certainly not unarmed. I have no intention of asking dad to help, but if I can get to Malfoy Manor, if I can find Draco, he’ll help me. He’ll come to save Scorpius.

But he might not be at Malfoy Manor. He won’t be. He’ll be searching for Scorpius. He’ll be searching for both of us. He’ll be with my parents, with dad.

Albus. For fuck’s sake. Get over yourself.

This is about saving Scorpius, because you couldn’t. You need help. So you need to get out of this room. Which means you have to work out how to open this door in a way that won’t be noticed.

I turn to the other door and open it, pulling the birdcage out onto the floor. It looks reasonably old and I start to pull at the looser-looking bars. If I can bend them enough, they might be strong enough to unscrew part of the hinges. I might be able to get out.

This is all, however, assuming that they are not directly outside to catch me. Because if they are, I am about to get myself killed. At least, if I die, they definitely won’t kill Scorpius – they’ll need him as leverage.

Unless he’s already dead.

No. Albus. Stop.

He’s alive. He’s still alive. You would – you know if he was dead.

These thoughts aren’t helping. I need to concentrate on escaping, and then I can help Scorpius. Then I can save Scorpius. I continue trying to work the wire out of the cage, swearing as I slip and drag my thumb along a sharp edge. It doesn’t break the skin.

And then the door starts to open and I look up, trying to find something to throw at whoever is about to enter. There’s nothing, apart from the birdcage, but I don’t get the chance to pick it up before Euphemia Rowle strides in, seizing my hair and forcing me to my feet.   
“Where – where is Scorpius?” I demand.

She doesn’t respond, dragging me out the room. Scorpius is not in the Hall. But mum and dad are. With Hermione. And Draco.

And Delphi is stood beside them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where next?  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	48. Into The Change of Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hostage exchange starts to take place.

Euphemia stops me as we reach Rodolphus, but I don’t really notice. I can’t stop staring at Delphi. Broken, insane Delphi. Stood with my family. She isn’t threatening them. She’s staring right back at me. And she looks beyond terrified.   
“So,” Rodolphus smirks, “I assume you know what the trade is going to be.”   
“Where’s Scorpius?” I demand, the question bursting out as I try to tear away from Euphemia. “If you hurt him–”   
“He’s not here,” Rodolphus interrupts, “as that would not be a fair exchange.”   
“Exchange,” I look back at Delphi.   
“Where is my son?” Draco snarls.   
“All in good time,” Rodolphus smirks. “This first, and then we’ll discuss your son’s safety.”   
“No,” Delphi is barely audible. “No. No. I won’t…”   
“Well,” Rodolphus seizes my hair and forces me to my knees, “you don’t have very much choice.”

Delphi’s eyes seem to harden and she raises her wand, backing away from all of us. Shit. Shit. They gave her a wand. What the fuck has happened during this search?   
“I’m not going,” she says. “I’m not theirs. I’m not going back.”

There is a silence and I don’t dare breathe. Whatever has happened before now, it’s not what I expected. I can’t assume anything about her. Except that she’s scared. She’s scared of them. “Delphi,” Draco starts to walk towards her. “Give me your wand.”   
“No!” she half-shrieks.   
“Give me your wand.”   
“Get away from me!” she ducks past him, then stops, staring around herself.

She locks eyes with me and I feel my breathing quickening. If she’s scared, what does that mean for me? What does that mean for Scorpius?   
“Delphi,” Draco keeps walking towards her. “Give me your wand.”

He looks at dad, nodding, and dad begins to walk towards Delphi, who dodges past and makes a break for the staircase.   
“I’m not going with them,” she starts to cry. “I’m not…”   
“Expelliarmus.”

Delphi stops as her wand flies to Draco’s hand. He pockets it calmly, and then he steps forward to take Delphi’s wrist, pulling her towards us.   
“Get off me!” she screeches, fighting like some sort of wildcat. “Get off me!”

Draco keeps walking, towards me, towards Rodolphus and Euphemia. I’m starting to shake in fear, trying not to panic. Panicking will make this all worse. They stop in front of us and she stumbles, tears streaming down her cheeks. It’s difficult not to pity her.

Rodolphus pulls me to my feet sharply and I wince in pain. He’s still using my hair as a method of controlling me.   
“Can I have my wand?” Delphi sobs. “Please…”

Draco murmurs something in her ear and Rodolphus lets go of my hair. I don’t move. I’m not stupid. Not anymore. Delphi looks at us.   
“Let him go first.”   
“How do I trust that you’ll come?”   
“I’m unarmed. In a room full of people expecting me to obey you.”

Half a moment later, Rodolphus shoves me towards them. I stumble, almost crashing into mum’s arms. She holds onto me tightly as tears start to streak down my cheeks.   
“Mum,” I whisper. “Mum…”   
“I’ve got you,” mum murmurs, keeping her arms wrapped around me tightly.

After about a minute or so, I look back at the others. Delphi is now stood beside Rodolphus, his hand on her shoulder.

I watch her as she stares back at us, her gaze flitting from person to person. And then she looks up to the chandelier above us, covered in a stupid number of diamonds and unnecessary ornaments.

And then she starts to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This **** be going down.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	49. Who You Really Opened Up To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delphi...Delphi happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Death, violence, lots of blood

As Delphi rises into the air, her screams echoing around the near-silent room, the chandelier begins to fall and I re-bury myself in mum’s shoulder. It smashes behind me and I start to shake. She’s insane. Why did I ever think that pitying her was, in any way, a good idea?   
“Well,” Rodolphus laughs harshly, “it appears our little bird has learnt to fly.”   
“Surprised?” Delphi crows.

The smashing noise continues and I chance a look, my knees buckling at the site that greets me. Mum catches me before I hit the floor.

Euphemia is lying, apparently unconscious, in the middle of the wreckage of the chandelier. A few feet away, Rodolphus is kneeling, his arms bound in the same ropes that she used on us. Delphi lands on the floor again, striding calmly through the wreckage to reach Rodolphus. When she does, she crouches down, grinning.   
“You lost,” she says slowly. “You lost.”   
“And this is your big victory?”   
“No,” Delphi stands up again. “This is your reminder, your permanent reminder, that you can’t control me.”

She forces Rodolphus to his feet, pushing him back towards the wall. No one is doing anything. Why is no one doing anything? He knows where Scorpius is. Why aren’t they stopping her?   
“I know you,” Delphi is now barely audible. “And I know that you didn’t underestimate me.”   
“Did I not?” Rodolphus smirks. “I certainly never envisioned this situation.”   
“Yes, you did. You envisioned it, so you controlled me. You made sure that I never questioned you, never became more powerful than you.”   
“I certainly did. And I must say, I think I did underestimate how powerful a slut–”   
“Shut up!” Delphi screams, rising back into the air before she continues to scream. “I destroyed myself!”

Rodolphus falls to his knees.

“I destroyed myself because of you! And it doesn’t matter anymore! This – this doesn’t matter anymore!”   
“What about Nina?” Draco shouts. “Delphi, remember Nina!”

I have no idea what he’s talking about, but it doesn’t matter. Remembering Nina, whoever she is, is just making her angrier.

“Nina is gone!” she’s still screaming. “Nina is gone because of you and me and him! It! Doesn’t! Matter! Anymore!”

She drags Rodolphus closer, ignoring Draco’s continued shouts. And then silence falls as a single crack echoes around. My stomach lurches violently as Rodolphus slumps forward, unmoving. She killed him. Holy shit. She’s snapped his neck. She killed him. And now she’s walking back towards us as we stare at her.

I think I’m crying.

Behind her, Euphemia is starting to stand up, walking towards us. I want to say something, but the words hitch in my throat. By the time that I can get a sound out, Delphi has collapsed onto the floor, her arm stuck out at an angle. And she’s screaming. Because of the pain.

Euphemia strides towards her, a look of pure loathing darting across her face, only to be replaced by a vicious laugh.   
“Oh, Delphi,” she sneers. “Did no one ever teach you? Murder is wrong.”   
“Get…away…” Delphi pleads.   
“No,” Euphemia snaps, “because I think you remember what happens when you break the rules.”

Delphi’s screams pierce the air again as Euphemia grabs her broken arm and drags her over onto her back. If I’d actually eaten anything recently, I’d probably have vomited at the sound. I didn’t ever think that a person would be able to make a sound like that. And no one is doing anything to stop it.

Euphemia laughs, standing on Delphi’s wrist as she pulls a knife from her pocket. I don’t want to watch this. I can’t watch this. So I shut my eyes, flinching as the sound of ripping cloth joins the screaming. And I open them again when there is a clattering – I assume, hope, that it’s the knife.

It is, but the scene in front of me is no better. Euphemia is standing over Delphi, whose dress sleeve is now gone, revealing several huge, spidery scars that run the length of her arm. They look utterly horrific and I have to force myself to look away. Especially when she starts screaming again.

I start to look for a wand, or anything that I could use, to stop this hell. I need to find Scorpius. I need to stop this noise. I need to get out of here.

Delphi begins pleading again and I try to block out Euphemia’s continued taunts, moving towards Draco. Mum doesn’t stop me and before I get to Draco; I glance back.

Delphi is lying in a pool of her own blood, which is pouring from fresh cuts and wounds on her hand and face. She is screaming and begging. And no one is doing anything. No one at all.

I seize Delphi’s wand from where it sticks out of Draco’s pocket, disarming Euphemia as quickly as possible. She turns towards me as I catch the wand, but my action seems to have woken the others.

Dad and Hermione run towards Euphemia, forcing her away from Delphi, and Draco sprints over, taking his wand out. There’s a slight pause, and then Delphi screams again, pulling herself away.

And then I’m running over, taking her hand, flinching when she screams again. Her blood is sticky and warm and I try not to retch. Draco is still trying to work to heal her, but she is not making it easy.   
“Don’t let her pass out,” Draco mutters to me.   
“Get away,” Delphi coughs violently, droplets of blood spraying from her mouth. “Get off me!”

I try to say something, anything, to keep her awake, but she starts to drift away, murmuring words that I can’t make out.

And then she’s gone, unconscious at least.

“Out the way,” Draco murmurs.

I move as quickly as I can, stumbling backwards to where mum is standing. She pulls me into another hug and I let myself breathe. Once we find Scorpius, this will be over. We’ll be okay. Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not over.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	50. Truth Will Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco and Albus search for Scorpius and Draco reveals something that changes Albus perspective.

I don’t see what happens to Delphi, though I assume that she’s going to be okay, because Draco joins me on my search for Scorpius after a while. I split from my parents, who began looking once dad and Hermione returned from taking Euphemia to Azkaban. I don’t want to be around dad right now.

And Draco and I are as desperate as each other to find Scorpius and get away from this hellhole.

I think mum went to speak to Delphi when she woke up, but given that she didn’t come to see us with anything after that, it’s fairly obvious it didn’t come to anything.

Draco and I don’t talk much as we search the place, trying every door that we can find. Sometimes they’re locked, but Draco refuses to open them, instead marking them with a cross. He says that opening a locked door here could release something beyond awful. It does not stop me leaning an ear to each one and trying to hear if there is anything or anyone on the other side.

We search for what feels like hours and, eventually, the dread starts to build up in the pit of my stomach. What if he isn’t here? What if they took him somewhere and just abandoned him? What if we don’t find him?

No. Albus. No. Stop. You’ll find him. He’ll be okay.

I need to distract myself. I need to be able to search for him without being scared out of my mind. If I’m that scared, I might miss something. I can’t afford to miss anything.   
“Who’s Nina?” I mumble as we walk to the next door.   
“Pardon?”   
“Delphi – and you – said something about Nina. Who’s Nina?”

Draco pauses and then he looks at me, biting his lip. He looks nervous. I’ve never seen him look nervous before. Except earlier, when Scorpius wasn’t – wasn’t here.   
“Did your father tell you what happened when we found her?” he asks quietly.   
“She escaped.”   
“Anything else?”   
“She had found an empty cabin and stayed there for – I don’t know – however long.”   
“Your father told you that?”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “He lied, didn’t he?”   
“She wasn’t alone,” Draco turned the door handle and then marked it when it didn’t open. “She was found with a muggle woman – Nina – and Delphi attempted to make a deal with your father. Nina retained her memories in exchange for obedience and cooperation from Delphi.”   
“Did you believe that she’d stick to that?”   
“Yes,” Draco nods. “Because the person she loved was on the line.”   
“Delphi loved – a muggle woman?”   
“Delphi managed to find some peace, which she was then exploited for.”   
“What?”   
“Your father appeared to take her deal. Rather, he asked her questions that she cooperated with. And then he gave orders to Obliviate Nina anyway.”   
“What?” I stare at him. “Why – why would he…”   
“Because the only thing that he can trust is the stuff coming from his own mouth.”

I don’t respond to that, trying to process what I’ve just learnt. He caused her pain, and I understand why. But, at the same time, I can’t help but wonder whether he did it because Delphi fell in love with a woman. I shake the thought and keep walking to the next door.   
“She’s smarter than to be caught like that,” I think out loud.   
“I think she was leaving when we caught her. Leaving to protect Nina.”   
“She actually cared that much?”   
“She cared enough to escape us again. She cared enough for Rodolphus and Euphemia to be able to use that knowledge against her and drive her insane again.”

I nod slowly, leaning my ear against the door as Draco tries the handle. It seems a little different to every other door and I stop him before he marks it.   
“I think he’s in there,” I murmur. “I can’t hear anything. The other doors were – airy – sort of.”   
“You’re sure?”   
“Positive.”

I’m not, but there are too many locked rooms for us to not start checking them. For all we know, we’ve already missed Scorpius. And Merlin only knows what they’ve done to him.   
“Stand back.”

I do, watching Draco wave his wand. The lock clicks and he frowns at it for a moment, before pushing the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly there. Nearly there. (not to the end, that's 42 chapters away)  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	51. Only When Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Draco find Scorpius, and an unwelcome accomplice, behind the door.

I almost run into the room, half-stumbling to a halt as I look around. It’s a reasonably-sized room and a fire is burning in the corner, a chair opposite it. The walls are reasonably plain, though there are a few spots on them, close to the fireplace, deep red and brown in colour.

And in the middle of the carpet, oh shit, in the middle of the carpet, lies Scorpius, limbs stuck out at awkward angles. He’s unconscious and injured, and Draco closes the door as I crash to the floor beside him, looking at what they’ve done to him. His visible arm is covered, from elbow to fingertips, in violent red splotches that are beginning to form blisters. It looks like a burn, but looking at it, even for a second, makes me feel physically sick, so I try to concentrate on his face instead.

It’s a little bruised and there’s some dried blood around his nose, but other than that, he looks all right. But it’s not about how he looks, because I am well aware that their favourite curse doesn’t have a visible mark.

Draco kneels next to me, pulling out his wand as he takes Scorpius’ injured wrist. I move away slightly, giving him space to work as he conjures a bandage and begins to wind it around Scorpius’ arm gently. When that’s done, he turns Scorpius over and picks up his wand.   
“Enervate,” he mutters.

Scorpius’ eyes flutter open slowly and he stares upwards, his gaze landing on his dad first. When it does, he seems to come alive properly, attempting to sit up, but falling back.   
“Dad!” he says quickly. “Dad. What’s going on? Where are we? Delphi – where’s Delphi? She–”   
“Shhh,” Draco murmurs, taking Scorpius’ uninjured hand. “It’s going to be okay.”   
“Where are we?”   
“Rowle Manor.”

Scorpius nods, and then his eyes scream with panic. He tries to sit up, grimacing in pain.   
“Albus, where’s Albus?”   
“I’m here,” I kneel next to him quickly. “I’m here, Scorpius.”   
“Did they hurt you? Are you okay?”   
“I’m fine,” I say quietly. “I’m – I’m so sorry I did that. You got hurt and I…I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

Scorpius opens his mouth to speak, and then his eyes fill with fear again. He starts to look around quickly, trying to move away from us.   
“Get away!” he near-shouts. “You can’t be here. You need to leave…”   
“Scorpius,” Draco attempts to keep his voice calm. “Scorpius, what are you doing?”   
“You need to run! You need to get away!”   
“Scorpius–” I try to step towards him, offering him my hand.   
“Run!” he shrieks. “Albus, please. Please!”

I look at Draco and he nods towards the door. So, despite everything in my mind screaming at me to do otherwise, I step backwards. One step. Another step. Another step. Until I’m about to reach the door.

And then I stop. I stop as the door slams shut, and I turn to see who else is here. Whoever it is, I will be fighting an instinct to curse them. Because they hurt Scorpius. They are the reason Scorpius is terrified out of his fucking mind.

When my gaze lands on the person, I struggle to contain my anger. The woman has long black hair, drawn up in a messy ponytail and she’s wearing a dark jacket. She grins at me, pulling her wand out. I don’t move. I don’t dare.   
“Afternoon, Albus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the day after tomorrow's chapter more than I care to admit.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	52. Spanner In The Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stranger gets a little...unpleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: little bit of violence (non-graphic)

The woman laughs as I back away from her, glancing back at Draco and Scorpius. Scorpius is cowering near the wall, and Draco stands shielding him, wand out, ready to fight. I still have Delphi’s wand and I start to reach for it. The woman laughs, waving her own, and Scorpius cries out in pain.

I look back at him to see ropes have appeared around his wrists, dragging him to his knees. I don’t dare move as she strides towards him, pulling him back to his feet and putting her wand to his temple. Draco turns again, lowering his wand slightly.   
“Good,” the woman laughs. “You know how this works.”   
“Let him go,” Draco says quietly.   
“Convince me.”   
“He hasn’t done anything wrong.”   
“How would you know?”   
“Albus…” Scorpius groans. “Albus…run…”

He grunts in pain again as she pushes him towards the floor and he lands on his burnt hand. Draco starts towards him before stopping himself; the woman crouches down beside Scorpius, grinning. She looks so like Delphi and yet, she is so much worse.   
“What did we say about telling people to run away?” she smiles sweetly.   
“Nothing…”   
“Really? Must have skipped my mind. No matter.”

She stands up again and points her wand at Scorpius. He shuts his eyes tightly, as if he’s bracing himself for the worst.

And then his screams ring through the room and I am running towards him, bellowing at her to stop, begging and pleading. Draco grabs me, holding me back as I fight to get to Scorpius.   
“What are you doing?” I scream at him. “Let go – let me go!”

But he doesn’t, and all I can do is keep fighting until Scorpius’ screams turn to sobs and the woman laughs at my attempts to stumble towards him.   
“What do you want?” Draco’s voice is quiet and shaky.   
“Good,” the woman smirks. “You know the right questions to ask.”   
“Stop!” Draco half-shouted. “Just – please – stop. What do you want?”

I look at him to see he’s shaking, his eyes swimming with tears. He’s watching Scorpius, all sense of formality that I’ve come to associate him with long gone.   
“That’s the thing,” the woman grins, relishing every moment. “I don’t want anything.”   
“What?”   
“The only thing that I want from you,” she says quietly, “is to watch you while you suffer. And I’d say this is doing the trick quite effectively.”   
“Let him go,” Draco begs. “Please. Please. He is my son.”   
“Really? I wasn’t aware.”

Scorpius howls in pain again and I tear myself free of Draco, charging towards the woman. I don’t know what I’m trying to do. I just need to stop her, get her away from Scorpius.

I don’t reach her as ropes snap around my wrists, pinning me to the floor in the centre of the room. Scorpius stares at me, tears rolling down his cheeks as he shakes. The woman walks towards me, grinning, and I stare up at her calmly. She won’t get to Scorpius again.

He gets out.

He survives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait for tomorrow. Literally so excited.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	53. Crude But Effective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus' method to save Scorpius from the woman is - crude to say the least.

The woman is about to start speaking again when the door is thrown open and mum, dad and Hermione come spilling into the room. They stop short as they see the scene in front of them, trying to process it all. I can’t imagine it’s brilliantly successful.

Mum goes to Draco, trying to bring him out of the fear-induced trance that he seems to have sunk into, and Hermione and dad raise their wands. At that, the woman laughs.   
“Potter,” she grins. “Good to see you again.”

Dad stares at the woman for a moment, and then his eyes widen in shock and anger. I look between them, trying to work out what is going on.   
“You!” dad half-shouts. “You! What are you–”   
“Who is she?” I interrupt. “What – what the fuck is going on?”   
“This,” dad grinds out, “is the guard that broke Delphi out of Azkaban.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

“You didn’t arrest her?” I snap, entirely furious.   
“Oh no, we did. But she blackmailed her way out.”   
“How the fuck did she manage that?”   
“I am here, you know,” she mutters.   
“A few other guards threatened to make a row and expose some of our more unpleasant sides to the general public.”   
“It’s amazing what the Imperious Curse will do.”   
“But she broke out your most dangerous inmate,” I point out, “and you released her?”   
“Delphi wasn’t particularly dangerous,” the woman mutters. “Azkaban broke her. I was just a kind guard, willing to listen and care about her.”

I stare around slowly, trying to make sense of it all. This woman – this monster – managed to work her way up Azkaban, break Delphi out, and is on the verge of killing us. And for what?   
“Why?” I look at her. “Why all this?”   
“Why not?”   
“Why not let him go?”

It’s a stupid question, a desperate hope that, maybe, she will be merciful. But why would she be? What have we done for her?

I start to pull myself to my feet, reaching for my – Delphi’s – wand as she pulls Scorpius to his feet. He groans in pain, barely able to hold himself up, even with the support. I try not to think about what she’s already done to him as I pull the wand from my pocket, starting to raise it. The woman laughs, trying to force my ropes down to the floor. This time however, I fight back, despite the burning pain, and I raise the wand so that it is pointing at her.

My hands are shaking, almost uncontrollably, but I need to get this right. If I don’t, she’ll kill him. She’ll kill him to hurt us.   
“Stupefy!” I shout, watching the red light dart across the room.

I scream, dropping to my knees, as Scorpius falls limp in her arms.

“Elise,” dad says. “Elise, let them go. For Merlin’s sake, they’re children.” “Are any of us really more than overgrown children?” Elise shrugs, starting to fiddle with Scorpius’ jacket. “Or perhaps we were never children, simply undersized, underestimated, adults. What do you think?”

There is no reply, but I don’t care. Scorpius is unconscious. I am tied to the floor. And, yet again, none of them seem to be doing anything. So I have to.   
“You’re insane,” I scowl at her.   
She smirks back. “Of course I am. Did it take you this long to work that out?”   
“No, I just wish…”

I trail off as I look at Scorpius closely, noticing that his cheek is twitching slightly. It’s small. It’s almost insignificant. Except that I have spent what is probably too long watching him while he works, and knowing his little mannerisms is almost second-nature in my mind. His cheek twitches when he’s thinking. Usually when he’s thinking too hard.

But it’s not important why. What’s important is that I didn’t stun him.

He’s still conscious.

Thank fucking Merlin. He is still conscious.

“You just wish what?” Elise sneers.

I stare up at her, starting to reach for the wand and trying to stand up again. I end up crouching, but it’s enough.   
“I just wish,” I somehow start to smile, “that you weren’t such a bitch.”

In the split second before she can react, I charge across the room, smashing my shoulder into her waist. She cries out, swearing as I force her backwards. Beside me, I feel Scorpius tear away and I smile, pulling myself back as Elise stumbles backwards. She starts to stand up, but doesn’t get far, because ropes snap around her arms and legs, forcing her back.

I turn to go to Scorpius, hug him, apologise for the hell I’ve put him through, but he’s curled up in his dad’s arms, face buried in his shoulder. I won’t interrupt that. I can’t.

And then Elise starts to laugh, her cackles filling the room. She isn’t even trying to fight. She’s just laughing. She just keeps laughing. And it’s terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh damnit.  
> I have been keeping this a secret for six months.   
> Six.  
> Fucking.  
> Months.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	54. Lonely Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The laughing is...explained.

After a moment, Hermione walks towards Elise, disarming her and starting to force her to her feet. Elise just keeps cackling, staring at me with a grin that seems to reach right through me, tearing chunks out of my soul. She continues to laugh once on her feet, but she doesn’t step forward when prompted. Hermione tries to make her move and her response is beyond chilling.   
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”   
“Why not?”

There is silence as we wait for an answer that doesn’t come. Not until she starts to grimace in pain, before yelling out and falling to her knees again. She screams out again as her hair starts to retreat back into her scalp, turning to a blonde colour. Her eyes start to morph from murky green to a light blue colour and her face seems to thin out a little.

Throughout all of it, she continues to giggle madly, throwing looks at me. I back away, crouching beside Draco and Scorpius. I’d go to mum, but she’s stood next to dad and I’m not ready for that. Not yet.

When the transformation is complete, I look at Elise, my stomach lurching in shock at who is kneeling a few feet away.   
“You!” I gasp. “You – what are you…”   
“Albus?” Hermione looks at me.   
“She was there!” I splutter. “Before they – found – us. She was there."   
“What?”   
“Hello, Albus,” Antlia grins. “I hope you enjoyed our little conversation.”   
“Why did you–”   
“Well you do so hate having your photo taken,” Antlia sneers. “We had to make sure we kidnapped the correct emo Slytherin.”   
“Who are you?” dad demands.   
“Antlia Yaxley,” Antlia smiles sweetly. “Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Potter.” “Why did you do this?” Hermione starts slowly. “Because I was promised freedom,” Antlia snarls, suddenly no longer laughing. “I was promised that I would grow up in honour and victory. Instead I was second place in a plan involving a pathetic woman who couldn’t ever fight back against anyone. And then she failed! I am taking what I was promised.”   
“What about Elise Shaw?” Hermione asks. “Where is she?”

Antlia throws her head back, laughing maniacally. I try not to let my stomach lurch too much. It’s almost sickening to watch her pleasure at our discomfort.   
“Elise Shaw?” Antlia grins. “Elise Shaw never existed.”   
“What?”   
“I’m not lazy,” Antlia scowls. “I don’t just steal someone’s job to get my work done. I created Elise. I worked my way up. And then I ensured I was positioned in exactly the right place to reach our dear Delphi.”   
“Delphi never finds out about this,” Draco says sharply.   
“Would it hurt her feelings?” Antlia sneers.   
“Harry,” Draco ignores her. “Did you hear me?”   
“Yes,” dad nods, keeping his gaze fixed on Antlia.   
“Why not?” I look between both of them.   
“Because darling Delphi relied on Elise a little more than was wise,” Antlia smirks. “She probably wouldn’t take the news brilliantly well.”

I bite my lip, and then something else crosses my mind.

“Hang on,” I force myself to look at dad. “How did you arrest her if she was – here? Where was Delphi?”   
“Basic summary,” Antlia rolls her eyes. “Elise broken Delphi out and told her to come back to a certain spot in the forest in a week. Then Elise went back to Azkaban, blackmailed her way and, and then waited. And then waited a little longer when Delphi didn’t turn up. She arrived eventually.”

I am about to say something else when, beside me, Scorpius groans in pain and I immediately turn my full attention to him. Draco lays a gentle hand across his forehead, frowning in concern.   
“We need to go,” he says quickly.   
“St. Mungo’s?”   
“Hogwarts,” he shakes his head. “Delphi is at St. Mungo’s. He doesn’t need that in his mind.”

I nod, stepping his beside Scorpius to help him stand up. We start to limp, very slowly, towards the door, an there are two objections. One from dad. One from Antlia.   
“You’re going home,” dad says sharply. “Albus.”   
“I’m staying with Scorpius,” I say firmly.   
“Albus–”   
“No,” I snap. “No, I’m not going home. Whatever you’re about to spew is bullshit. I’ll be fine as long as I know Scorpius is okay.” Antlia laughs as I finish. “What?”   
“Good luck,” she says. “Genuinely. Good luck.”

I pretend I don’t know what she’s talking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Six months. Six months of secrets.  
> (this makes more sense if you read Working Through Fear)  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.   
> Twitter/Wattpad: @evieadams273


	55. Burnt Courtesy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus, Draco and Scorpius arrive back at Hogwarts and Draco talks to Albus.

Scorpius asks for a Sleeping Draught almost immediately when we arrive. I wait a few feet away with Draco as Madam Pomfrey works to heal him. She sources about ten potions for his arm, explaining, as she does, that it is not a magical burn. That comment sparks a feeling of burning hatred in my chest. That woman did that to him. She hurt him for nothing more than her own enjoyment, and given what she described her life as being, Azkaban won’t really punish her.

But it will keep us safe. That’s more important. That’s always more important.

After Madam Pomfrey is finished, Draco and I sit next to Scorpius, on opposite sides of the bed. I want to take his hand, have the knowledge that he will be okay, but Draco is present. So I don’t. I just watch his breathing, smiling now that it’s finally steady. I’m aware that it’s only because of the Sleeping Draught, but it’s still something.

We sit in silence for a long time and I try to force my mind away from thinking about everything. At this point, all I need to worry about it that it’s over and we’re going to be okay.   
“Are you all right?” Draco breaks the silence.   
“Yeah,” I mutter, not taking my eyes off Scorpius.   
“Thank you staying. Scorpius – Scorpius was grateful.”

I nod. I’m not really in the mood to talk. It doesn’t seem important anymore. Shit. Nothing feels important anymore. I just feel numb and cold and empty. But I don’t because I know that, if it were acceptable in any situation, I would scream and scream and scream until my voice was gone, and then I would keep trying to scream. And I don’t even know why anymore.   
“Albus.”   
“Yeah?” I look at Draco as he starts to speak.   
“I should tell you,” he says quietly, “while we searching for you, I’m sorry to say that your father was not particularly courteous of your privacy.”   
“What do you mean?” I haven’t got the energy to force emotion into my voice.   
“I am aware of your argument, and what it was about.”

It takes a moment for the full meaning of those words to click in my head.

“Shit,” I mutter. “Oh shit, shit, shit. Look, Mr. Malfoy, I–”   
“Shhh,” Draco smiles, somewhat fondly. “It’s – it’s okay.”   
“Sir?”   
“First of all,” Draco keeps smiling, “you don’t need to call me sir. And secondly, it is okay.”   
“You don’t – you don’t mind?”   
“There is nothing wrong with being gay,” Draco says calmly.

Oh. Oh. Okay. So he doesn’t know all of it. Which is probably a good thing. I mean, if he did know all of it, this conversation would probably be very different.   
“Also, Albus.”   
“Yeah?”   
“About Scorpius–”   
“Shit,” I stand up, starting to pace a little. “Oh shit. Fuck. Fuck. I can – I can explain…”   
“There isn’t anything to explain,” Draco says gently. “It’s okay.”   
“I have a crush on your son,” I say slowly. “You’re okay with that?”   
“Listen, Albus. It’s okay. You care about him and you’re respectful.”

I don’t say anything.

“I know that, if you tell him, and he doesn’t return your feelings, you will, to put it bluntly, back off.”

I look at him and he smiles gently. I look away again. I’m grateful that he told me. I’m grateful that he doesn’t have an issue with me. It’s just that I still feel the need to scream. Or something.

Why is it that he seems to care about me more than my own father? He noticed before, when I lost weight before Christmas. And he’s noticing now, when I really, really need it.

Don’t cry, Albus. Don’t cry because he cares and your dad doesn’t seem to.

“Thank you,” I mumble.   
“Here.”

I jump slightly as I realise that he’s stood next to me, hand outstretched. I take it cautiously and he pulls me into a hug.

I struggle to stop the tears after that. And that is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love Draco.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	56. A Rambled Attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius wakes up.

Scorpius wakes up a few hours later. By that time, Draco has moved his chair to sit beside me and we have ended up in a half-decent conversation. By the end of it, I’m starting to speak without automatically filtering everything I say. That, in itself, is unusual. I don’t remember the last time I spoke to someone other than Scorpius without stopping every other word.

We stop talking as Scorpius groans, his eyes fluttering open slowly. He starts to sit up, leaning back against the multitude of pillows on the bed behind him, and I smile.   
“Hey,” I say. “How do you feel?”   
“We’re back?” Scorpius looks around. “What happened?”   
“We – we stopped her,” I say slowly. “We won.”   
“No,” Scorpius shakes his head. “I mean – them. What happened to them?”

I look at Draco as I realise who he’s talking about. I’m not really sure what to say as to what has happened. I’m still digesting the entire thing in my own head. I don’t know how I can explain it to him.   
“Dad?” Scorpius looks at Draco. “Before you found me, what happened before you found me? Did you catch Delphi? What about the others?”   
“I told you about what happened when we found Delphi,” Draco says slowly. “I told you about Nina. After she escaped, she was found and captured by her step-father and ex-guardian.”

He continues to explain, mainly through Delphi’s eyes. I listen as intently Scorpius, simply because I didn’t know what happened to her after she escaped. And, somehow, as Draco explains, I find myself sympathising with her more and more.

She got hurt. She got hurt and she got scared and she kept fighting. She kept fighting for whatever reasons she had.

Throughout the explanation, Scorpius’ expression doesn’t change much. He just listens, and then he starts to fiddle with his hands. I smile softly at him but he doesn’t notice as he starts to get more and more agitated, until I eventually reach out and take his hand.   
“Hey,” I murmur. “Hey. You okay?”   
“She wanted to save us?” Scorpius looks at me.   
“I don’t know what she wanted,” I look at Draco. “But she did.”   
“And she won’t escape again?”

That’s a question I can’t answer, so I wait for Draco to speak.

“No,” he shakes his head. “Her first breakout was not an option presented to her, rather that woman turned up outside her cell and broke her out.”   
“She doesn’t want to escape?” Scorpius frowns.   
“She is aware of how dangerous she is,” Draco nods, “perhaps a little over-aware.”   
“Dad?”   
“As I said, she was found by her step-father, ex-guardian, and that woman, who played her mind to break and turn her back to what she was. She is fairly convinced that she only experienced the Cruciatus Curse four times and that was enough to ‘break’ her. Under interrogation, Euphemia confessed that it was much more than that, but Delphi does not trust herself.”

Scorpius and I both and then silence falls. We have the space to heal. Heal properly.

“I’m really sorry, Scorpius,” Draco says. “I have to go somewhere, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “I – I love you, dad.”   
“I love you too,” Draco smiles, leaning over to kiss his forehead gently; then he turns to me. “Albus, would I be able to speak to you outside?”   
“Uh…yeah,” I nod awkwardly.

We’ve spent at least two hours talking. I shouldn’t be uneasy. But he’s quite foreboding. At least, he is until he pulls me into a rather tight hug. All questions fly from my mind and I just hold on tightly, blinking back tears.   
“No matter what,” he says quietly, “you will have myself and Scorpius.”   
“Thank you,” my voice cracks.

He holds onto me for a little longer and, when he let’s go, there’s an awkward silence. Dad is stood a few feet away.

I try not to roll my eyes as Draco walks away and dad comes over, smiling. He is so good at keeping up bullshit. It’s almost unbelievable.   
“Could we go for a walk?”   
“Uh, what?” I take a moment. “Yeah. Yeah. Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the editing is shoddy - I have been constantly interrupted by screaming children who are morons.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	57. Is It Power Or Insecurity?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes to talk to Albus, and is not here for the majority of what he has to say.

After I’ve let Scorpius know where I’m going, dad and I walk out into the grounds. It’s beyond freezing but that means it’s quiet and the school won’t see the shouting match that’s about to ensue. It’s only a waiting game. I’m ready to snap. It’ll be my fault this time, but I couldn’t care less.   
“So,” dad starts quietly, “how are you feeling?”   
“Surprisingly good,” I mutter sarcastically. “I think I’m getting quite practiced at this whole torture malarkey. What about you?”   
“I wanted to apologise for the argument we had,” dad says. “I realised that I became aggressive quite quickly. That isn’t right. I’m sorry.”

It’s an odd apology, not least because he spent much of the search ranting about it angrily, according to Draco. But he is trying. I should give him that. He deserves a chance.   
“Sorry for setting off so quickly,” I mumble.

I don’t know whether I mean it or not, but if he’s managed to get his head around my identity, I am going to say it. He’s apologised. Which was all I really wanted.   
“So,” I stare at the floor, “if I – if I told Scorpius and he – he liked me too, you’d be okay with us dating?”

In the moment that dad stops short, his mouth twitching, and my hope smashes on the flagstones. Of course he’s not okay with it. Why would I let myself think that when every sign still points in the opposite direction.   
“You’re still young, Albus,” he starts slowly.   
“No,” I say sharply. “No, fuck this. I am not getting into argument after argument about whether my identity is valid.”   
“Listen to both sides–”   
“I have,” I snap. “I listened to every doubt under the sun, for Merlin knows how long. And then I found enough to convince myself that I’m valid. Because I am.”   
“Albus,” dad walks after me as I quicken my pace.   
“Of course you haven’t changed your mind,” I roll my eyes. “Last time, it took you months to apologise when you knew you were wrong. Why would you apologise a matter of weeks after when you’re so bloody convinced that you’re right.”   
“I am sorry–”   
“You are apologising because I nearly died again and you don’t want to go out on a low,” I snap. “Come on, dad. I’m not stupid. I see through your shit. Because it’s literally made of glass.”

He doesn’t reply to that and we continue in silence for a few minutes, but I’m not done. Anger is now starting to bubble in my chest and I need to get rid of it. I don’t care if we end up in a shouting match. He’s being a dick and I want this discussion to happen.   
“When you found Delphi,” I say quietly, “did you exploit her and manipulate her to prevent her from being happy because of her previous crimes, or because she was in love with a woman?”   
“Excuse me?”   
“Draco told me what happened,” I kick a lone pebble, watching it skit over the path. “He told me that you asked for information, that you took her deal, and then you went back on it.”   
“Albus, I cannot go against the International Statute of Secrecy–”   
“Then you don’t take the deal,” I snap. “You outright refuse. You cannot manipulate someone like that.”   
“I didn’t do it because she was in love with a–”   
“That doesn’t make it right,” I stop walking. “Emotional blackmail and manipulation, dad? That’s what she did to us!”   
“Albus…”   
“Because of what you did, she escaped again. Because of that, she got caught and then we got kidnapped. You could have broken their plan by being a decent person, but you didn’t and because of that, my best friend – oh fuck that – the boy that I love, is lying in the Hospital Wing with injuries that I blame myself for.”   
“I needed that information,” dad says angrily. “This was the only I was going to get it from her. I’m sorry if you think it caused this, but is the way things happens and there isn’t a lot I can do.”   
“No,” I say. “No, that’s not why this happened. This happened because you have a ridiculous power complex that insists that you should always be on top. It’s fucking ridiculous.”   
“Excuse me?”

I roll my eyes, turning to walk away. It’s starting to get very dark and I’ve been away from Scorpius for too long. He calls my name. I ignore him. It doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t fucking matter.

* * *

When I get back to the Hospital Wing, Scorpius is sat reading another book on potions and I can’t help but smile. Despite everything, they are never going to stop him from attempting to continue studying. I don’t know how he does it, to be honest.

I sit back on the chair I was in earlier and he looks up, smiling back at me.

“How are you feeling?” I ask quietly.   
“Tired," Scorpius shrugs, “but I don’t want to sleep. Are you okay? What did you dad want?”   
“Other than to be a prick?” I mutter. “Not a lot.”   
“Oh, are you okay?”   
“I’m used to it,” I shrug.

It’s not true. It’s not possible to be used to it. It’s just possible to let it bounce and delay the inevitable pain for a period of time until I can scream into a pillow. That helps most of the time. And when it doesn’t, nothing will. Not even Scorpius.

I look up at Madam Pomfrey walks out of her office. She goes over to another student first, and then she comes towards us.   
“I’m afraid visiting hours are now over,” she says quietly.   
“Can he stay?” Scorpius asks quietly before I can get a word in. “Please, Madam Pomfrey.”   
“Where do you intend to go if you leave?”   
“I don’t know,” I admit. “Not back to the dormitory.”   
“Right. Then it is probably safer for you to remain here.”   
“Thank you,” I mumble.   
“I bought a sleeping draught,” she says. “Do you need one too?”   
“It’s probably safer if I have one,” I nod. “Thank you.”

She gives Scorpius his and then goes back to get another. I pull off my jumper and hang it over the headboard of the bed next to Scorpius’, before sitting down. I smile at him again and he smiles back, closing his book.   
“Sleeping through the night,” I murmur. “That’s a new one.”

Scorpius lets out a small laugh as Madam Pomfrey returns with the Sleeping Draught. I take it gratefully, thanking her, and she smiles gently.   
“Scorpius,” she turns to him, “if nothing gets worse overnight, you’ll be free to go tomorrow morning.”   
Scorpius lets out a small breath of relief. “Thank you.”

When she’s gone, I take a deep breath and look at Scorpius. He nods encouragingly and I bring the potion to my lips, downing it and lying back.

Sleep, for once, is painless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sass. Lots of it. Plus the setup of cuteness.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	58. Restarting The Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius wake up the next morning.

The next morning, I open my eyes and smile. Light is shining through the windows. People are moving around. And it all means that I slept through the night. I can’t remember the last time that happened.

I roll over and jump slightly as I come face to face with Scorpius, still asleep and breathing steadily. He appears to have pushed his bed next to mine and has curled up next to me. I smile, taking the time to just look at him. Would it be odd to just take a moment to note how beautiful he is?

Because that, combined with the fact that he is peaceful, is enough to bring an eternal smile to my face. He starts to groan, rolling over and opening his eyes.   
“Morning,” I keep smiling.   
“Morning.”   
“Now, correct me if I’m wrong,” I say, “but I don’t think we went to sleep like this.”   
“You’re wrong,” Scorpius mumbles sleepily. “I pushed the beds together before I went to sleep.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Is everything okay?”   
“I didn’t want to wake up and not know where you were.”

I nod silently, wrapping my arms around him into a hug. He buries his face in my shoulder, his breathing now slightly unsteady, and I hold on tightly. I think we both need the reminder that we survived, that it’s over and we’re okay. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I’m so sorry for all of this.”   
“Can we not talk about it?” Scorpius mumbles. “I need – I just need some time – to work it all out – in my head.”   
“Of course,” I murmur. “Of course. If you need to talk, I’m here. If you don’t, that’s okay.”   
“Thanks.”

He pulls out of the hug, sitting up and looking at me. I smile softly, trying to silently reassure him that it’s going to be okay. Because it will be. He stands up, starting to pull his bed back to where it usually sits. I watch him, pulling my jumper back on as a draught blows through the wing.

It doesn’t feel like January. It doesn’t feel like it’s anything at all. Inside, I just feel numb, like if I try to feel anything, it’ll all flood out of me and I’ll have no control over anything I do. I need that control. I can’t function without that control. Feeling numb is better.

Scorpius looks as if he feels similar, in the way that he moves. He’s staring blankly forward, no sign that anything is happening in his head. Normally, that would scare me, but I understand it now. We’ve both shut down because that’s how we cope.

When his bed is done, he sits next to me and we just stay like that, silently, waiting for Merlin knows what. At one point, he moves to take my hand, and then stops, apparently thinking better of it. I offer him another small smile, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. A tear trickles down his cheek and I want nothing more than to wipe it away, tell him that I love him, that it’s okay.

But I don’t. He didn’t hear what I said before, and I don’t even know how to begin explaining myself. It’s easier to just stay quiet, stay numb. Maybe that’s what we’re going to become now. Quiet and numb and scared. All the time.

After a while, Madam Pomfrey comes out of her office and tells us that we’re free to go when we want to. So we leave. And we go back to the dormitory. And we’re still quiet.

Because neither of us know what to say anymore.

Maybe they did win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll get a bit cuter from here. Promise.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	59. It Isn't Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus comes out to Scorpius.

A couple of weeks later, we’re sat in the Common Room, having managed to get a couple of chairs near the fire. Most people are out in the grounds playing in the snow.

We’ve both started to talk a little about what happened, and it helps. It helps that, in the middle of the night, neither of us are unsure of what to do when we have a nightmare. We both know that the other doesn’t mind being woken up if we need help. And that is a mercy.   
“Albus.”

His voice is quiet, nervous, and I sit up, looking concernedly at him. It’s no longer unusual for either of us to be nervous, because this entire event seems to have taken more of a toll than Delphi did. Maybe it’s because we were separated this time. Maybe it’s because Scorpius still isn’t able to talk about what that woman did to him. Maybe it’s because I feel responsible for what happened.

Maybe it’s because neither of us know how to cope with any of it.

“Albus?”   
“Yeah,” I jump slightly. “Yes, sorry. You okay?”   
“It’s quiet,” Scorpius mumbles. “So, I was wondering – I had a question – it’s okay if you don’t want to – I just…”   
“Ask away,” I try to smile.   
“When I passed out…”

Shit.

“…when they were – doing that…”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“…what did you shout?”

Oh. Fuck.

“I didn’t shout anything important–”

I cut off my pre-emptive rambling, mentally preparing myself. I love him. He deserves to know. If it means that I have to be brave, then I’m going to be brave.   
“No. No. Sorry. I did shout something.”

I sit up properly, taking a deep breath. This is it. This is either a new (clichéd) beginning. Or this is the end of our friendship. If it is, then Merlin help me. I can barely breathe without him.   
“When I’ve – explained – everything,” I say quietly, “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me.”   
“Have you killed someone?” Scorpius tries to smile.   
“Effectively.”

There’s a moment as that settles over us, and then I shake myself, breathing again.

“Sorry. Anyway. Yeah. I understand. “The thing I shouted, the argument I had with my dad, probably some other shit too; it was always for the same reason. Or similar ones anyway. I – I care about you. I really, really care about you and…oh fuck, I’m sorry. I’m bad at explaining – y’know – stuff…”

Deep breath.

State the facts.

“I shouted – I shouted, ‘I love you.’”

Deep breaths.

“The argument – I told dad that I’m gay. He didn’t agree.”

Fuck.

“You’re gay?” Scorpius says quietly.   
“Yeah,” I nod bitterly. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”   
“You’re gay and you like me?”   
“Yeah.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “Okay.”   
“I’m sorry.”   
“Don’t be,” Scorpius looks at me, smiling gently. “It’s okay.”   
“You’re okay with it?”   
“Of course I am.”   
“And I understand if you don’t want to be my friend–”   
“Albus, for Merlin’s sake. You are so dramatic.”   
“You still want to be my friend?”

Shit, I sound so childish.

“Of course I do,” Scorpius smiles at me. “I couldn’t function without you. You know that.”   
“Yeah,” I smile back. “And I’m sorry if this makes it a bit awkward.”   
“How long have you known?”   
“Since May,” I mumble, suddenly quiet. “I only – came to terms – with it…November…”

Scorpius stands up and I feel my stomach sink, until he stands in front of me, pulling me into a tight hug. And then I find myself laughing. We’re both laughing together. And everything’s okay.   
“You’re my best friend, Albus,” Scorpius murmurs, “and I will always care about you. No matter what happens.”   
“Thank you,” I start to cry. “Thank you so much.”

The tears come. And then they don’t stop. I can’t stop them. But it’s okay. It’s okay because he cares about me, he still cares about me, even though I’ve failed him too many times, even though I’ve managed to fall in love with him. Even though I’m beyond a mess, at this point.

He still cares.

He still wants me in his life.

“Who knows?” Scorpius asks quietly.   
“Mum and dad,” I mumble. “Tom Anderson. Hermione. Lily and James, probably. And your dad.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nods, processing this. “Dad knows?”   
“My dad doesn’t respect my privacy, apparently. It’s fine. He talked to me. It’s fine.”

Scorpius nods, smiling at me, and I smile back. That may have been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it’s paid off. He doesn’t hate me.

Holy shit.

He doesn’t hate me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's starting.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	60. Valentine's Day Is On Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius asks Albus a question.

Scorpius is very quiet over the next few days, and on occasion, I regret telling him. Most of the time, it’s completely fine, but it’s awkward when he’s quiet. I can tell that his mind is working at a million miles an hour, but he doesn’t talk. I try not to let it worry me, because if he’s feeling shit, he does talk to me.

It’s only when he’s supposedly okay, except there’s something obviously wrong and he never says anything. I don’t want to pressure him into talking when I feel like it’s my fault.

I mean, it’s quite a difficult thing for anyone to move past. And it’s only been a few days. It’ll be fine a few days from now. It’ll be fine.

All these thoughts are flying through my head again as we sit in the dormitory, both curled on Scorpius’ bed. He’s been doing an essay but now he’s stopped and it staring into space again.   
“Scorpius,” I say gently. “You okay?”   
“Yeah,” Scorpius jumps. “Yeah, I’m fine.”   
“How’s the essay?”   
“The what – oh right. Yes. It’s fine.”   
“Are you sure you’re okay?”   
“I’ve been thinking,” he says slowly, “and I wanted to talk to you about – it…”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Well, I’m here when you want to talk.” “Is now okay?”   
“Of course it is,” I smile.

He sits up, crossing his legs and taking a deep breath. I smile gently at him and he starts to speak.   
“I’ve been thinking,” he says again, “about you. And me.”   
“Okay,” I nod.   
“I care about you, Albus,” he says. “I really, really care about you. More than I think I would care about other friends. If we had other friends.”

Don’t stop breathing, Albus.

“I don’t know if I have a crush on you. I don’t know what I’m feeling. But I’ve been thinking about it. A lot.”

I nod.

“I was thinking, maybe, it wouldn’t hurt if we, maybe…” he clears his throat. “Albus, would you go on a date with me?”

In that moment, I think we both freeze. Him in fear. Me in shock. We remain like that for about a minute, just staring at each. And then Scorpius clears his throat again, awkward.   
“I mean, if you don’t want to – that’s fine and–”   
“I’d love to,” I smile. “You’d love to say no?”   
“No, you muppet,” I grin. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”   
“You would? I mean, I don’t really know how I feel and I guess if you’re happy to try or–”   
“Hey,” I cut him off gently. “Hey, it’s fine.”   
“Good,” Scorpius smiles. “Yeah. Good.”   
“So,” I say slowly. “What are we doing? I know it’s a Hogsmeade weekend but that might not be the best idea.”   
“No,” Scorpius smiles again. “No, probably not.”   
“So, we just walk around the grounds?”   
“Sounds good.”   
“Saturday,” I smile. “When it’s quiet.”

I am almost irrationally excited for Saturday, even though I know it might not come to anything. He asked me on a date.

Holy shit.

He asked me.

On.

A.

Date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tis happening.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	61. Still Not Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius have their date. And it's happy.

Scorpius and I arrange to meet in Great Hall after breakfast on Saturday morning. I haven’t seen him yet – I assume that he got up early to eat and then went to get dressed. However, when he appears in the Entrance Hall, he mentions something about managing to miss breakfast. I suggest going down to the kitchens to find something, but he insists that he’s fine.

Given that it’s February, the weather is reasonable. It’s cold, but the sun is shining, which makes a decent change from the rain. The grounds are reasonably quiet as most people are heading down to Hogsmeade, and we start to walk towards the lake.   
“Did you work – this – out when I asked Rose out?” Scorpius asks quietly.   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah. That night. I couldn’t sleep and I was confused and that was the conclusion I ended up at. I didn’t – I didn’t try to accept it until November.”

Scorpius nods, letting go of my hand and putting his arm around my shoulders. I smile, leaning into him and wrapping my arm around him. He’s shivering slightly and I pull my hat off, standing on tiptoe to pull it onto his head. He giggles, helping me.

After, we keep walking and Scorpius stumbles a couple of times. The third time, I run forward, taking Scorpius with me. He laughs as we end up running down the grounds, stumbling and tripping with every other step.

When we stop running, we’re both panting and giggling and smiling. Scorpius collapses onto the floor, pulling me with him. He wraps me in another hug and I lean into his shoulder, taking a deep breath.   
“Your hair smells nice,” I mumble, closing my eyes.   
“Does it?”   
“It smells like vanilla,” I nod.   
“I washed it.”   
“Is that why you missed breakfast?”   
“No. I missed breakfast because I was panicking over what to wear.”   
“Well,” I look at him, “I think you look beautiful.”   
“Thank you,” he smiles.

We stay silent for a few minutes, staring up at the sky. I want to thank him for what he’s done for me since we met. I want him to know how much he’s done for me.   
“Scorp,” I say quietly.   
“Yeah?”   
“You’re an angel.”   
“What?”   
“You’re an angel,” I say again. “You’ve put up with me for so long and I’m so grateful that you have. I love you so much. You’re an angel.”   
“Did you sleep last night?” Scorpius smiles awkwardly.   
“Somehow I doubt you did.”

I roll over, taking his hand as we both stare up at the sky. I am beyond grateful that doesn’t. I understand that it’s confusing and that is scary, and I’ll be there the whole time. I’ll be there for him.

And then I look at him, smiling at how peaceful he looks. His breathing is steady. He’s smiling. He looks happy. I’m never going to stop being grateful that he’s happy.   
“Can I kiss you?” I whisper, the words spilling out before logic can stop them.   
“What?” Scorpius freezes, looking at me.   
“Nothing,” I say quickly. “Nothing. Sorry.”   
“No,” Scorpius squeezes my hand. “I heard.”

He smiles awkwardly and I don’t move as he leans towards me, planting a kiss on my cheek. I smile, reaching to cup his cheek with my hand, giggling slightly as his hair tickles my skin. He smiles and I pull him into a hug, tucking my head over his shoulder.   
“Is it okay if we don’t do more than that?” he mumbles.   
“Of course,” I assure him. “Of course it’s okay. I love you.”   
“I love you too,” he says slowly.

I hold on a little tighter as he kisses my forehead, and then I smile. I don’t care about what anyone says. We deserve this. I deserve this. We deserve to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I can write happy stuff.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	62. Honest Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius admits that something doesn't feel entirely right.

After the date, we eat together (like always) and we end up falling asleep in the Common Room, curled up together. People don’t say much and I hope that it’s because we’re close enough to not be considered strange for doing this. However, part of me thinks that most people could have seen this coming. It would explain the lack of stares.

Whatever we have doesn’t transform into a defined relationship overnight, not that I expected or even wanted it to. It’s just little things. Holding hands at dinner. Little cheek kisses when we’re alone. And hugs – a glorious number of hugs. Not enough to notify the world of a possible relationship, but enough to know that this matters.

One night, about a week and a half after the date, we’re sat in the dormitory, alone. Scorpius is lying on his bed and I’ve curled up beside him, wrapping my arms around him and smiling. He smiles back before looking upwards again.   
“Are we a couple?” he asks quietly. “Would you like to be?”   
“I don’t know. ‘Couple’ implies it’s romantic. And – well…”   
“Scorp?”

He sits up slowly, biting his lip, and I sit up so I’m facing him. He smiles nervously and I smile back, trying to reassure him that, whatever he wants to say, I will hear, and I will understand.   
“I do love you,” he says quietly. “You are the most important person in my life. It’s just – this – how I feel – I don’t know what it is.”   
“It’s okay,” I murmur. “If you don’t want to be a couple or together, it’s okay. It’s your decision.”   
“No,” Scorpius says. “No, I’d like to be – with you – if you’re okay with it. I just – whatever is going on in my head – I know it isn’t romantic.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Do you – would you like some help working it out?”   
“That’s the thing, Albus,” Scorpius’ eyes start to swim with tears, “I’ve tried. I’ve researched and thought and tried so hard and I can’t find an explanation. Albus, what if there’s something wrong with me?”   
“No,” I say sharply, reaching up to wipe his tears away. “No, there is nothing wrong with you.”   
“I can’t find _anything_.”   
“Then we keep looking. You hear me? We keep looking.”

Scorpius nods, leaning towards me. I pull him into a tight hug and we fall back onto the bed, holding onto each other. He buries his face in my shoulder, and I rub circles into his back, waiting for his breathing to steady.

After a while, it does, and I smile as he sits up, smiling back at me. His smile is something that could light a thousand fires, bright enough to illuminate the world for all time. And it’s so rare that I cannot help but just watch him until it starts to fade slowly.

He stands up, and I do the same, smiling as he takes my hand nervously. I squeeze his hand, let him know that it’s okay, that we’ll work it out, and he smiles gratefully.

I hope he knows. I hope he knows that I would go beyond the end of the earth to make him happy, to make sure no one hurts him. Because I love him. Because he is the most important person in my existence and he doesn’t deserve to be screwed over by shit in his head.   
“So,” he says slowly. “Do you have any idea where to start? Because I don’t anymore.”   
“No,” I say. “But I can find out.”   
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”   
“Hey,” I squeeze his hand. “I love you. Of course I’m going to help you.”

He smiles again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise it'll stay fairly happy. Promise.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	63. Little Things That Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus takes Scorpius to ask Tom for advice.

Scorpius and I head down to the Great Hall and I scan the room, looking for Tom. He’s sat with his friends on the Ravenclaw table and he looks up as we approach. Scorpius hangs back slightly as I smile and say hello.   
“How are you doing?” Tom asks.   
“Decently,” I nod. “Yeah. I’m okay. You?”   
“Same as always,” Tom shrugs. “You guys look a bit lost; are you okay?”   
“We – oh yeah, Tom. You haven’t really met Scorpius,” I turn to him. “Scorpius, this is Tom. Tom helped me work out – a load of mess in my head.”   
“It’s nice to meet you properly,” Tom smiles at Scorpius. “Are you okay?”   
“Could we go somewhere more private?” Scorpius mumbles.   
“Of course,” Tom starts to stand up, pulling his bag onto his shoulder and turning to his friends. “I’ll see you guys later?”

There is a general murmuring of agreement from them, and we walk out the hall, pulling closed the door of the first empty classroom we find. I dump my bag on the desk, smiling at Scorpius, and he smiles back nervously.   
“It’s okay,” I murmur. “You know it’s going to be okay.”   
“Yeah,” Scorpius nods. “You guys all right?”   
“We were wondering,” I start, “about – well, Scorpius, you’d probably explain it better.”   
“What does – romance – feel like?”   
“Romance?”   
“Yeah.”   
“Well,” Tom starts slowly. “I’m not really sure how to describe it. It’s like – I guess – you know that the person is – more important than anything. But it’s a particular feeling. But I don’t really know. I guess it’s a bit like electricity. I think. I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s like – I guess it’s a gut feeling. I don’t really know what to say other than that. I’m sorry.”

Scorpius’ shoulders slump and he nods, looking at the floor. There’s a moment of silence, and then Tom starts to speak again.   
“If you’re okay with talking to someone else,” he says, “my friend could probably help. They’re better at this sort of stuff.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nods slowly.   
“I’ll be back in a moment,” Tom smiles.

We watch as he leaves and then I look at Scorpius. He meets my gaze and I reach out to take his hand. He doesn’t take mine, instead wrapping his arms around me tightly and pulling me into a hug. His breathing is unsteady and I rub circles on his back.   
“It’s okay,” I murmur.   
“Yeah,” Scorpius mumbles. “Yeah, it’s going to be okay.”

Tom comes back a couple of minutes later, accompanied by someone I don’t know. They smile at us as Tom shuts the door again, and then both of them come over to us.   
“Hi,” they say.   
“Hi,” I smile back.   
“Albus, Scorpius, this is Nat,” Tom says. “Nat, Albus and Scorpius.”   
“Nice to meet you,” Nat says. “Tom says you guys were unsure about something.”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Scorp, do you want to say or do you want me to?”   
“I’ll – I’ll explain,” he mumbles.

He takes a breath, sinking onto one of the desks. I smile reassuringly at him, nodding that it’s okay. It is okay. This is okay.   
“I think that there’s something wrong with me,” Scorpius mutters, staring at the floor.   
“Okay,” Nat says slowly.   
“I care about Albus,” Scorpius continues to speak quietly, “more than I think I would care about another friend. But it doesn’t feel – I don’t know what – I just – I think I know it isn’t romance. But I don’t know whether I’m just ignorant or it actually isn’t or it is and I don’t know what I’m talking about. Sorry.”   
“No, it’s fine,” Nat says softly. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”   
“I don’t understand any of it.”   
“Here,” Nat pulls a stack of cars from their pockets and goes to set it beside Scorpius. “Do you want to borrow these? They could probably give you a more coherent explanation.”   
“There’s an explanation?”   
“Of course there is,” Nat says. “There’s an explanation for everything if you look hard enough.”   
“I guess.”   
“Look, Scorpius, the most basic way to say this is that there are people who don’t experience romantic attraction. There are people who don’t experience sexual attraction. There are people who are on spectrums. And all of them are completely valid.”

Scorpius nods.

“I’m not brilliant at explanations on all the terminology and stuff. Do you want to borrow the cards I made? It’s easier than me trying to explain to every single person who asks about my gender and sexuality. People are so very nosy, aren’t they?”   
“Yes,” Scorpius takes them slowly. “Thank you.”   
“You’re very welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting better continually.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	64. New Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius talk in the middle of the night.

A couple of days later, I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m about to roll over and go back to sleep when I spot Scorpius sat up in bed, wand between his teeth, reading something intently. I sit up, stretching a couple of times as I stand up. He looks up as I sit down on the edge of his bed, casting a Muffliato charm.   
“You okay?” I murmur.   
“Couldn’t get back to sleep,” Scorpius shrugs. “I thought I’d read some of Nat’s cards.”   
“Are they helpful?”   
“Yes,” Scorpius nods. “There’s so much information about something that you assume is small. It’s a bit overwhelming.”   
“I’m glad it’s helping,” I smile. “Do you mind if I sit here for a bit?”   
“Don’t you need to sleep?” Scorpius frowns. “I haven’t been sleeping brilliantly as of late, and I can function pretty effectively without too much sleep. I’ll be fine.”   
“Have you been having nightmares?”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “I didn’t have one tonight, don’t worry.”   
“I’ll worry,” Scorpius looks at me, his expression steely. “You’re having nightmares. I’m allowed to worry even if they’re not nightly.”   
“I’m okay,” I smile. “I promise. I’m okay.”

I am such a fucking hypocrite. I constantly ask him if he’s okay, encourage him to talk, and then I lie to him. I’m not okay. I can’t remember that last time I was okay. But I keep acting like I am for a reason that I can’t even justify to myself. He deserves to know. It’s not that I don’t trust him or that I don’t want him to know.

But I don’t know what is keeping me silent.

“Albus?” “I’m sorry,” I start to feel tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius says quickly, moving to sit next to me. “Okay, what’s going on? Albus.”   
“I keep lying,” I try not to cry too loudly. “I keep saying I’m okay and my head feels like it’s going to burst open because I can’t get rid of anything and–”   
“Shhh,” Scorpius wraps his arms around me gently. “Take a breath. I’m here.”

I nod, taking a breath and attempting to collect my thoughts. Talking will help. Talking is good.   
“I’m so scared that I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone because I couldn’t keep my promises and you got hurt because of it.”   
“Your promises?”   
“I promised you that I’d keep you safe,” I’m sobbing now. “That they wouldn’t _hurt_ you.”   
“Albus, we both knew it was impossible promise,” Scorpius murmurs. “It’s okay.”   
“I wish I’d died,” I croak. “I wish they’d killed me so that they wouldn’t have been able to hurt you.”   
“No,” Scorpius is suddenly firm. “Albus, don’t ever wish that. Never. Please.”   
“You would have–”   
“I would rather have the nightmares and the fear and the rest of this mess of feelings,” Scorpius says quietly. “I would rather have that, than have lost someone I love.”   
“Someone you love?” I look up. “You – you love me.”   
“We don’t have to talk about that now.”   
“Can we? Please. I need to – distract – myself. Please.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “Okay.”

He picks up the cards and pulls out four of five, laying them out on the bed. I pull out my wand, lighting it so that the gentle light joins Scorpius’.   
“I think,” he says quietly, “that I am asexual and aromantic, which is basically where someone doesn’t experience romantic or sexual attractions. I know that I shouldn’t jump to conclusions or anything and it explains why I feel like this. Like I am in love but–”   
“It’s okay,” I interrupt. “If you think it’s true, then I believe you. You don’t have to justify yourself to me.”   
“Thank you,” Scorpius smiles. “These other cards, they’re about this thing called queerplatonic attraction. Which is, well I’m not sure how to describe it, but it feels, this whole thing, feels right.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Are you okay with it?”   
“Yes,” Scorpius nods. “Yes, and – I was wondering – maybe…if you were okay with it – would you be okay with – maybe…”   
“Breathe.”   
“Basically, there’s this thing called…it’s called a queerplatonic partner. It’s like…I guess it’s a relationship…but not romantic. With queerplatonic attraction.”   
“Okay,” I nod.   
“Would you be my queerplatonic partner?” he mumbles, looking down at his hands. “I mean, if you don’t want to, that’s fine and I understand, I just – I thought I…”   
“Of course,” I smile, taking his hands. “Of course I will be.”   
“You will be?” Scorpius looks at me hopefully. “You’ll be my QPP I mean, you can call me your boyfriend if you want–”   
“Shhh,” I murmur, smiling. “I’ll be your QPP. Because I love you.”

Scorpius smiles back at me nervously, and I wrap my arms around him, pulling him into a hug, and he kisses my cheek. I smile, and then he pulls away ever so slightly.   
“Scorp?”   
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers. “Just – small. Or something.”   
“You lead.”

He nods slowly, and then leans towards me, connecting our lips softly. It’s not deep, not passionate, not intense. But it’s him. It’s the boy I love. Kissing me. He’s kissed me.

I smile again as we pull apart, looking him in the eye softly.

“Stay with me?” he whispers.   
“What?”   
“It’s late,” Scorpius glances around. “We should sleep. Stay here?”

I nod and Scorpius places Nat’s cards on the floor beside the bed. Once he’s settled under the duvet, I lie down next to him, pulling the hangings shut and wrapping my arms around him.

And that’s how we fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so just a PSA. If you have an issue with the way I've written this, because Scorpius is acearo and still kisses Albus, I'd like you to please bear in mind that I am acearo and everything that Scorpius does in relation to relationships with others is something I'd be happy to do. Kissing isn't inherently sexual or romantic. It's sensual. There is a difference. I'm hoping no one has a problem with what I've written, but if you do and it's in relation to the kiss and Scorpius' sexuality and romantic orientation, please remember that it is valid and that the aspec and arospec communities are spectrums and he is perfectly valid.  
> Ok.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	65. Phases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James talks to Albus.

We don’t tell anyone immediately, mainly at my request. I still haven’t spoken to dad and I doubt he’d be thrilled to know I’m in a relationship. So we keep it under wraps. Holding hands under the table, cheek kisses when we know we’re alone. He doesn’t kiss me on the lips again and I don’t mind. I know that he’s still working himself out, and I respect that.

I start to talk to him. Properly. And it does help. Talking about the mess inside my head when I need to get it out, it does help. Scorpius listens, talks me through it, and I do my best to do the same for him.

I’m walking down to the dungeon one afternoon, having left the library with a small mountain of books. Scorpius asked for some of them – he’s too busy to find time to get them – and I happily obliged. I’d much rather he slept at night than spent his time searching for books after curfew.

Given the amount of sugar he consumes, I sometimes wonder how he has this much energy. He must always be on the verge of a sugar crash. Merlin knows if I even start eating as much sugar as he does, I pass out halfway through potions. But he doesn’t and I’ve all but stopped questioning it.   
“Albus,” my brother seizes the back of my hood and yanks me into an alcove.

I stumble, swearing violently as the books tumble out onto the floor. I stoop to pick them up, scowling when I stand up and restacking the books in my arms.   
“What?” I snap. “Was that completely necessary? I have stuff to do.”   
“How are you?” James asks softly.

I’m about to snap back but I stop myself. James doesn’t talk to me unless he’s worried about me. I shouldn’t snap.   
“I’m okay,” I nod. “Yeah, I’m okay. You?”   
“Decent,” he shrugs. “Listen, Al, I wanted to talk to you about you and Scorpius.”   
“What about us?” I slow down.   
“Someone saw you kissing,” James murmurs. “When you kissed in the dormitory, somebody saw you.”

It takes a moment for the full gravity of his words to hit, and then I freeze. I don’t care if the school knows. It won’t make anything worse at school. But him, him knowing is something I’m not okay with. I look back at him, my heart starting to race.   
“If you told dad – I swear to Merlin–” “I’m not stupid,” James interrupts calmly. “I know when not to tell him something.”   
“Does he know?”   
“If you haven’t heard from him,” James murmurs, “then he probably doesn’t know. He wouldn’t exactly keep quiet on this.”   
“No,” I shake my head. “I guess he wouldn’t. Thank you.”   
“I told you,” James grins. “I’m not stupid.”   
“Debatable.”

James grins again and attempts to pull me into a hug. I stop him, gesturing with my chin to the piles of books that I’m carrying.   
“Of course,” James nods. “Wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of Madam Pince.”   
“What would Scorpius and I do if we couldn’t get in there?” I shake my head, biting my lip.

James and I look each other in the eye, and then we break, laughing at each other. James grins at me and I smile back. And I mean it. It’s a smile that I intend, one that is usually reserved for Scorpius alone.   
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “Thank you for telling me. And not telling him.”   
“Anything for my little brother,” James says. “There are a few rumours going around. Do you mind me asking what you guys – are – like, boyfriends? Or…I’m sorry, I phrased that really badly. I just want to, you know, clear up the rumours.”   
“It’s fine,” I smile. “Yeah. It’s fine. He’s my boyfriend. I’m his queerplatonic partner. And if they don’t know what that is, please tell them to find a book on sexuality.”   
“I shall do,” James says. “See you around, little brother?”   
“Of course.”

I continue walking, smiling to myself as I readjust my hold on the books. Not far from the dormitory, and then I can collapse into Scorpius’ arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so James is a good brother and we shall see more of this.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	66. I'm Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It transpires that Scorpius already knows about the rumours.

I hurry back through the Common Room, dropping the books on my bed and hurrying over to Scorpius’ bed. His hangings are closed and I knock on the bedpost to let him know that I’m back.   
“Scorp?”

There isn’t a reply and I pull the hangings open slightly, poking my head in to check on him. I freeze slightly as I realise that he is, halfway through the afternoon, fast asleep. It’s not that fact that scares me, however – he’s been working so hard it really was only a matter of time – it’s the dried blood around his nose, the bruises appearing around his eyes and neck. And it’s the parts of his hard that are beginning to turn red from cuts near his temples.

I pull the hangings closed properly as I sit on the bed, taking out my wand and trying to remember the healing spells that he taught me when the physical attacks were still common. They’ve reduced in number now, after Rose became a dragon and scared them all shitless. But apparently it isn’t over just yet.

He groans as I start to siphon the blood away from his nose, and I stop, watching his eyes flutter open. He looks at me, making to sit up, but I lay a hand on his shoulder to stop him.   
“People know,” he mutters. “People know about us.”   
“James told me,” I nod. “I was coming up to tell – wait, did – this – did this happen because of – us?”   
“Yeah,” Scorpius nods slightly.   
“Who?” I say sharply. “I swear to Merlin, I’ll kill–”   
“Don’t,” Scorpius mumbles. “Albus, don’t get yourself in trouble. Please.”   
“Fine. I’ll tell James. He’ll kill them.”   
“Albie…”   
“I’m serious. They can’t get away with this.”  
“It doesn’t matter.”

I shake my head, but I don’t keep trying to argue. He still has a broken nose and too many bruises to worry about who did it. I point my wand at his nose. “Episkey,” I murmur, and Scorpius lets out a breath of relief as his nose repairs itself.   
“Better?”   
“Much,” Scorpius says. “Thanks.”   
“I’m not sure how to heal the other things,” I say. “I’m sorry.”   
“It’s fine. I can do those. My – my wand is on the table.”

I duck out of the hangings to grab it, passing it to him. I falter slightly as I see someone else sat on his bed, but then I shake myself. Not important now. Scorpius puts a hand on my shoulder and I help him sit up so that he can heal himself properly.

Once he’s stopped bleeding, I summon a damp cloth and begin to clean away the dried blood from his hair and nose. He smiles slightly and I bite my lip. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to keep getting hurt. And yet he is. And I don’t know what I can do to stop it now.   
“Are you okay with people knowing?” he asks quietly.   
“If I’m not, I’m a bit screwed,” I shrug. “Are you okay with it? After this.”   
“They caught me off guard today. I can fight them off if I’m ready for it. And I will be.”   
“You shouldn’t have to be.”   
“That’s life. Voldemort’s son has a boyfriend. I’ll – we’ll – get used to it.”

I nod silently. He’s right. There isn’t much we can do. We need to keep living because that’s the best way to let them know that they can’t win, that they won’t win. Scorpius smiles at me softly, pulling me into a hug. I hold on tightly, making myself breathe.   
“Do you think my dad will be angry?” he murmurs.   
“Never,” I shake my head. “He had no problem with me liking you. He would never have an issue with your liking me back.”

Scorpius smiles and lies back again. He beckons to me and I lie down beside him, curling up in his arms. He strokes my hair and I smile.   
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmurs.   
“I know,” I nod. “Thank you. Love you.”   
“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit be cute.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	67. Is There A Way Back Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Easter Holidays begin.

Through some sort of miracle, we get through to the Easter holidays without dad finding out about us. Scorpius wrote to Draco quite early on, to explain everything, and the response was full of nothing but love and understanding. We also make it through without being attacked again, though that’s likely because OWLs are approaching more quickly than anyone anticipated and everyone is panicking.

By the time we’re on the Hogwarts Express home, I’ve managed to convince Scorpius to stop revising for a few hours. It’s probably a good thing as, about an hour into the journey, Rose, Lily, and about seven other members of my family wander into the compartment and sit down around us. Scorpius sits up, putting away the book that we had been reading, and smiles.   
“Morning,” I say, trying not to yawn.   
“Afternoon, actually,” Molly grins. “You guys just appear not to own a watch.”   
“I do,” Scorpius says. “It’s just buried – somewhere.”   
“Great,” Molly mutters, smiling. “Hope you find it.”   
“Here,” Rose hands us both a pumpkin pasty and a cauldron cake. “The Trolley Witch skipped you out again.”   
“Thanks,” I take them and give Scorpius’ to him. “She still hates us, then.”   
“Adds to your wonderful reputation,” Molly smirks.

We all laugh and I wrap an arm Scorpius. It shouldn’t be a big thing. Two weeks without Scorpius isn’t a big thing. But two weeks hiding everything because I don’t want to face being around my father if he finds out about my relationship? That’s a bigger thing. Two weeks in a state of tension where he pretends to care. Two weeks on edge.

Maybe he does care. Maybe he does want to talk. But he won’t apologise. If he wanted to apologise, he’d have written. And he hasn’t. Because why would he? He didn’t believe me before. I snapped. I made it worse. Why would he forgive me?

I sigh and Scorpius looks at me questioningly. I shake my head and he takes my hand gently. I try to smile, try to bring a little strength into it. He makes me brave. I’m doing this for him. I’m strong for him.   
“Are we doing another Weasley-Potter Easter mess?” Roxanne asks.   
“After the disaster last year?” Rose raises an eyebrow.   
“It wasn’t a disaster,” Roxanne protests. “It was – interesting.”   
“It was a disaster,” Rose repeats. “A fun disaster, but a disaster nonetheless.”

I laugh. I think I’m siding with Rose in this. The attempt at a Weasley versus Potter Quidditch match was chaotic and it was nothing short of a miracle that no one died or, at the very least, ended up in St. Mungo’s. I don’t think I’ll go anywhere near it if it happens this year.   
“Uh guys,” I start quietly.   
“Yeah?” Is the chorus of replies.   
“Please don’t tell – parents – about us,” I mumble. “I don’t think dad knows yet and I’d rather it stay like that.”

Everyone around us nods, murmuring understanding, and I smile gratefully. All I need to do is make it through two weeks, and them being on my side, knowing that they support me, makes it so much easier.   
“Here,” Scorpius pulls a small pink bag from his pocket. “I saved some Pepper Imps.”   
“How in the world did they escape your sugar addiction?” I tease.   
“Addiction is a strong word,” Scorpius says. “I merely enjoy the sweeter things in life. And you can hardly talk when you’ve got your situation with coffee.”   
“Addiction is a strong word,” I agree, “and it should be used to describe your relationship with sugar. And I’m not addicted to coffee. I’m just grumpy in the mornings and in need of caffeine.”   
“Albus,” Lily grins. “All of the Potters are addicted to coffee. Don’t deny it.”   
“See,” Scorpius looks at me. “Even your sister agrees with me.”   
“That is because,” I say, “none of my family will ever give up an opportunity to tease me.”   
“Yeah,” Lily nods, “but we still love you.”

I smile. Because I know it’s true. I didn’t for a long time. But I do know now. And I would find to the ends of the earth for everyone in this compartment. Because they’d to the same. Because they love me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it gets a little more angsty now but it'll be okay. I've got so much else planned.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	68. To The People Who Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius arrive at Platform 9 3/4.

When the train pulls into the station, I’m a little reluctant to get up. The confidence that I have been riding on is fading fast, and I have to face this. I know my family are all here with me. I know they will be right behind me if I need them to be. I know I’m safe.

So why am I so bloody terrified?

I shake myself, holding my trunk with one hand and Scorpius’ hand with the other. He interlocks our fingers, rubbing my knuckles reassuringly. He’s smiling at me, smiling in a way that could outshine the sun, and I nod. It’s a promise. A promise that it’s all going to be entirely okay.

I let go of his hand as we land on the platform. Lily and James run to mum and dad, like they always do, but I hang back. I follow Scorpius to where Draco is stood, waiting patiently, and I smile as Scorpius almost throws himself into his dad’s embrace. Draco practically lifts Scorpius off his feet and I smile wider. They’re finding peace.

I wish that I could say that I’m not fighting with a pang of jealously in my chest, but I am. I want to sort things in my life properly, but I don’t want to cave. I am done with putting my own health on the line to get something that won’t be worth anything if I’m not healthy. I am not going to cave and let him ignore a part of me to have a half-decent parent-child relationship.

Scorpius doesn’t have to, and I am immensely grateful for that. I would never wish it upon him. But that doesn’t mean I’m not jealous. Just slightly jealous.

I bite my lip, forcing air into my lungs, and Scorpius turns back to me, smiling softly. I try to smile back. Everything is going to be fine.   
“Albus. How are you?”   
“I – I’m good,” I stammer slightly. “Yeah, I’m good. Uh – you?”   
“I’m well,” Draco smiles fondly. “I’m glad you’re reasonably okay.”

I nod, swallowing nervously as I glance over my shoulder again. I don’t see mum or dad in the sea of people and some of the tension lifts immediately. I’ve got time. I’ve got some time.   
“Have a good Easter,” I murmur, looking back at them. “Hope it’s fun and – everything.”   
“Albus.”

I expect the word to have come from Scorpius – a reassurance that it will all be fine, a promise that he’ll write, but it isn’t. The word comes from Draco, who is watching me with a worried expression. I look at the ground.   
“Albus?”   
“Yes?” I mumble. “Sir?”   
“Albus, please call me Draco,” he smiles.   
“Sorry.”   
“Albus, look, I know you’re nervous about going home. I want you to know that, if you need it, you are welcome at the Manor. Day or night. For whatever reason. You are welcome.”

I take a moment to process his words and then I try to breathe properly. I try not to let tears spill down my cheeks. Scorpius takes my hand gently and I bite my lip.   
“You – you’re serious?”   
“Very,” Draco nods. “Whatever time of day, if you feel you need to, our doors are open.”   
“Thank you,” I try not to cry. “Thank you so much.”

Draco places a hand on my shoulder and I break, tears flooding down my cheeks. Scorpius smiles softly, wrapping me in a hug, and I take a deep breath, attempting to collect myself. “Thank you,” I whisper again.

We stay like this until I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see Lily stood behind. She smiles, almost apologetically, at me, and I nod. I need to start this somehow.   
“Have a good holiday,” I say again, nodding another thank you to Draco.   
“We will,” he says, “and I hope you do too.”

I nod again, mumbling a goodbye, and then I pick up my trunk and turn away. Lily leads me a little way, and then she stops. She turns to me and wipes the tears from my cheeks using her sleeve. I take a shaky breath and attempt a smile.   
“You’ve got this,” she says. “And we’re here.”   
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”

We walk across the now-emptying platform, and mum smiles as she sees me approaching. I try to smile back and I’m grateful for the hug she envelopes me in when I reach her. I didn’t see her much after January, and I wish I had. I wish that seeing her wasn’t something I avoided to avoid dad.   
“How are you doing?” she asks softly.   
“All right,” I smile again. “Yeah. I’ve been sleeping.”   
“I’m very glad,” she smiles back, pulling me into a second hug.   
“Was dad – was dad angry?” I mutter, cursing myself for sounding scared.

I’m not scared. I’m not scared of him. I’m angry. I’m angry that he refuses to try and continue seeing me. I’m angry that he can’t cope with change. I’m angry that I feel pressured to choose between the person I care most about and one of the people I want to care about.

This is fucked up.

“He was,” mum nods. “I’m sorry, Al. I keep trying to talk to him – but he won’t listen.”   
“It’s fine,” I lie. “Thanks – thanks for trying.”   
She smiles softly. “Come on. Something might happen in the next couple of weeks.”

I bite my lip, nodding and tightening my grip on my trunk. Two weeks. Two weeks around people that love me, that I love. Two weeks knowing that, if I need it, I have a way out.

I’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Draco is a good parent and I love him.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	69. Standstill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Potters arrive home and Lily comes to see Albus.

The journey home is awkwardly quiet. Mum attempts to strike up conversation a few times, but it doesn’t do much. I’m not in the mood to talk, and Lily and James both claim to be tired. And dad probably doesn’t have much interest in talking to me. He came to hug me when he saw me on the platform. I ducked out the way.

And I don’t care if it pissed him off.

When we get home, I get my trunk out the boot and go upstairs immediately. I dump my stuff by the door and collapse onto the bed, sighing. They’re going to want me down for dinner and the idea of being around people right now is mildly terrifying. It’s not necessarily who it is, at this point. It’s just lots of people.

I lie there for a long time, until I hear a knock at the door. I ignore it at first, because I’m really not in the mood, but then the door opens anyway. I pick up my pillow, about to throw it at whoever has entered, but then I see Lily at the door, and I stop. “Can I come in?” she asks quietly. “Yeah,” I nod, sitting up and moving so that there’s a little more space beside me.   
“There’s a bit of food left if you wanted it,” she says, perching on the end of the bed. “Mum pointed out that you probably didn’t want to see anyone.”   
“Not really,” I mutter. “Just – just him. But thanks for leaving something.”   
“He was angry at dinner,” Lily murmurs. “He said you should try and make more of an effort to talk to him.”

My first instinct is to snap back, but I stop myself. She’s trying to help. She’s not the person I’m angry with. And it’s probably a good thing she’s telling me.   
“I’ll talk to him,” I say. “I just want him to be okay with me. I don’t want to hide part of myself to make him happy.”   
“You shouldn’t have to,” Lily nods. “But we’re here for you.”   
“Just two weeks,” I nod.

I glance at the door, and then I stand up, walking over to the record player in the corner. I pull out Scorpius’ favourite record (he gifted a copy to me) and set it playing. I’ll get comments about loud music in the morning, but I don’t care. I want to talk to Lily without being afraid of being overheard.   
“Nice music,” she smiles when I sit down again. “Scorpius likes it and he has quite a major influence on me.”   
“Albus,” Lily looks at me, her eyes filling with concern. “Albus, love. We – I’m sorry – we know.”   
“Damnit,” I grin. “I thought I was subtle.”   
“You?” Lily raises her eyebrows. “I don’t believe there is a subtle bone within a mile of your body.”   
“I have that sort of power?”   
“No,” Lily shakes her head. “We live in the middle of nowhere and none of us are subtle.”   
“Good point,” I smile.

I am blessed to have my sister. She is kind and understanding and caring. And unafraid to fight back. If it comes to any fights, for any reason over this holiday, she won’t fall back. She will break bones for the people she cares about. If Delphi had, Merlin forbid, come after her, the Augurey would have ended up in McGonagall’s office with a bloody nose.

Not to suggest that Lily isn’t also the most caring, protective soul on this planet. She’s in league with Scorpius in that. The two would make formidable, possibly terrifying, friends.   
“Listen,” I say quietly. “I should say this now.”   
“Yeah?”  
“If you wake up one morning and I’m gone, I’m safe. Draco said that I was welcome to turn up if I needed to.”   
“Will you?”   
“If something happens, I probably will. I can’t be around him when he’s angry.”   
“You’ll try your best,” Lily nods. “No one can blame you for leaving if something happens. We all know you’re trying your best.”   
“Thank you,” I smile.   
“You’re welcome,” she smiles back. “Now, go grab your dinner and then get some sleep. You look like you really need it.”   
I nod. “I will. Thank you, again.”   
“I love you,” she puts an arm around. “Big bear.”   
“Little lion.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this house, we love and support Lily Potter because she is amazing and strong and I love her.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	70. The Difference Between Facts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast. The next morning.

By the next morning, I’m hungry enough to need breakfast. However, I don’t wake up early enough to get food before anyone else, and I know from experience that leaving it longer makes the entire experience worse.

So, I drag myself out of bed and trudge downstairs, trying to mentally prepare for throwing myself back into the madness. The madness that has changed. It’s no longer noisy and chaotic with three people going towards the kettle at once. Instead, conversation is minimal, the occasional word coming from Lily and James, who are already eating.

I feel a pang of guilt in my chest as I watch. It feels like this is my fault, because I am surly and unreasonable and I need to simply open myself up a little. The feeling only lasts a moment, however, before I remember two things. Firstly, they’re doing this for me, because dad is the unreasonable one. Secondly, it’s their decision. Completely and utterly their decision. They know I won’t hold it against them if they stop.

I walk in slowly, going to the cupboard to get a bowl. Mum, Lily and James chime in with a chorus of greetings that I return with a smile. I pour a bit of cereal and milk into the bowl, and then I sit down at the table.

This the first time since I tried the drink, that I haven’t had coffee with my breakfast. It feels a little strange, but I don’t want the caffeine. I intend to spend today alone and sleeping passes the time.   
“So,” dad says as he sits down, “you weren’t at dinner last night, Al.”   
“I wasn’t feeling up to it,” I mutter. “You didn’t eat what we left. Are you feeling sick?”   
“No,” I continue quietly. “I just didn’t want to come down. Lots of people. Me. Doesn’t work. Not when I feel – like this.”

Lily smiles at me sympathetically and I attempt to smile back. I really hope the questions stop soon. They’re setting me on a path that I’m fairly sure will head to a spiral of bad thoughts. I’d rather avoid it.   
“So, Albus,” mum smiles. “How was the end of term? How’s Scorpius?”   
“Scorpius?” I freeze momentarily. “Scorpius is – Scorpius is fine. Yes. Fine. Term was good.”   
“I’m glad.”

I bite my lip, debating whether I should say the thing running around my head. It’s likely to set off an argument that I really don’t want to have. But at the same time, I want him to know how useless he is.   
“I got an apology,” I blurt before I can stop myself.   
“What?” mum looks at me.   
“One of the boys who helped beat me up last summer, I got an apology from him. After something – something went public.”   
“You came out to the school?” dad looks at me worriedly. “Is there something wrong with that?”   
“With lots of people knowing? Albus, are you sure?”   
“Do I have that choice anymore?” I point out. “Anyway, it’s fine. Anyone who had an issue with me hasn’t had that grow at all. Most people are being nicer to me, actually.”   
“That’s good,” dad says slowly. “Yes. That’s good.”

I’m not convinced that he’s actually pleased, but I’m fairly sure that he’s at least pleased that I’m in less danger of being beaten to a pulp again. He doesn’t hate my identity enough to wish that on anyone.

Because that is what he hates. He hates my identity. He doesn’t hate _me_ because I am his son and there is some unexplainable, instinctual love that I understand less and less as time goes on. He doesn’t believe that I’m really gay, and that’s what he hates. The fact that I’m rushing even though I haven’t ever been so cautious about something.

Is this his attempt to stop me having my heart broken?

Knowing him, it probably is.

And if he passes that off to the rest of the world, then that’s what they’ll believe. Because he’s my father and parents want what is best for their children. Parents want to protect their children. Which is why it hurts so much.

I stand up sharply, ignoring the others. I need to get outside, or out the room at least. If I don’t, I’m going to keep spiralling. And I’m scared, too scared, to let that happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what this is.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	71. The Annual Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family gathering - happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: panic attack and anxiety.

Halfway through the first week, we have the annual family gathering, which of course requires everyone in the entire family to come and hang out in our garden. After last year, I fully intend to hide in the house as soon as the Quidditch starts. It is going to go wrong.

I sit near the hedge as more and more people start to arrive. There’s a lot of noise and I don’t feel well anyway. If I just get through the next few hours, well I don’t know what the incentive is. But it’ll be okay.

“Hey.”

I look up as Teddy approaches, smiling at me, and I try to smile back instead of groaning and turning.   
“Can I sit?”   
“Yeah,” I nod.   
“Thanks.”

He sits down next to me and, for a moment, we both watch the mounting chaos in front of us. He laughs as several younger cousins chase each other through the flower beds, and I look at him.   
“How are you doing?” he asks.   
“Kinda shit,” I mutter. “You?”   
“I’m doing okay. Do you want to talk?”   
“Not with this many people around.”

I feel bad for keeping silent. I used to talk to Teddy whenever I needed to get something out. He always listened. I always felt completely comfortable talking to him. And now I can’t even do that.   
“I’m sorry.”   
“Don’t be,” Teddy says softly. “I get it. Talking about it with so many people around – it sucks sometimes.”   
“Thanks,” I smile.   
“If you need someone to rant to,” he says quietly, “my door is always open.”   
“I may need that,” I mutter, half-bitter. “So, are you playing later?”   
“At Quidditch? Nah. They put me on commentary.”   
“I look forward to it,” I find the energy to smile.

Teddy grins back and we chat for a bit longer about a few different topics. I try not to derail the conversation when I get uncomfortable, but I’m not particularly successful. Teddy says it’s okay. He doesn’t mind. I love my family. In moderation.

About an hour later, the Quidditch starts. I’m a little more at ease, though that departs a little as Teddy goes to take up his commentary post. It’ll be fine. Family Quidditch. Family-friendly Quidditch. I mean, I know Potters verses Weasleys isn’t a great idea, simply because of how much mum, Lily, dad and James are outnumbered, but they are all brilliant players, even if Lily refuses to go near a broom when we’re at school.

The game is, somewhat predictably, near-carnage, and I have to stop myself from watching, even if I’ve decided not to go back to the house. I know that all of our Quidditch games are a little insane, but I really don’t want to see it. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

I shouldn’t worry. It’s all controlled on some level. Any injury won’t be serious. We’re wizards – we could heal it. But still, I’m unnecessarily nervous. It’s stupid. It’s all stupid.

It’s stupid that I can’t even attend a fucking family gathering without feeling like all anxiety in my mind has gone through the fucking roof. It’s stupid that I can’t stand the noise. It’s stupid that I’m crying myself to sleep because I can’t spend a day without Scorpius anymore. It’s stupid–

James screams.

And the noise stops.

For a moment, the noise stops.

And in that moment, my mind snaps and I’m back. It’s dark. We’re on the Pitch again. Except it isn’t Scorpius screaming. It’s James. It’s James begging and pleading and crying. And then it’s mum. And Lily. And Rose. And–

I collapse, my knees hitting the floor as I struggle for air. I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I can’t hear anything except the screams echoing in my ears. And it’s over. We’re going to die. Because of me.

I’ve killed Craig.

I’ve killed Scorpius.

And I’m going to end up killing James.

Help me. Please. Someone. Please someone help me.

I know I don’t deserve it. I know I deserve to be alone. I know I deserve to die because I failed everything that anyone ever threw at me. But I need help. Please. Someone. Anyone. _Anyone_.

“Albus.”

That isn’t a scream.

“Albus, can you hear me?”   
“Don’t hurt him,” I sob. “Please…please! Help him.”   
“James is fine, Albus. James is fine. He got hit by a bludger.”   
“No. Delphi…Delphi…”   
“She’s gone, Albus. She’s not here.”   
“James! She’s got James!”

They keep talking but I don’t hear them anymore. It’s only screams that fill my head, my entire existence. And I can’t fight it. I can’t stop it.

An arm loops itself around me, and I don’t fight them either, as they pull me to my feet and walk me somewhere. I don’t know where we go. I don’t care.

I can’t breathe. I still can’t breathe and it hurts. Everything is spinning. The world is going to collide with something. And everyone will die. Because of me. Because I’m too weak to fight back.   
“Albus. Albus. I’m going to put something on your head. Okay?”

* * *

And then everything is clear. The screaming is gone, replaced by some music that Lily used to play at ungodly hours. I force myself to listen, trying to time my breathing now that it’s starting to return properly.

I open my eyes slowly, looking around at where I am – Lily’s bedroom. With Lily and Teddy. There are two strange cushioned discs over my ears, and a wire that leads to Lily’s record player. I start to remove them, and then I stop. I don’t want the screaming to return. I feel like it will if I take the discs away.

I sit like this for a few minutes, until my heart stops pounding in my chest, and then I pull the discs off. The music stops.   
“How are you feeling?” Lily asks.   
“Better,” I mumble. “Tired. But I can breathe. Thank – thank you.”

Silence.

“Is James okay?”   
“James is fine,” Teddy nods. “He got his by a bludger, but he’s fine.”   
“Good,” I say. “That’s – that’s good.”   
“Maybe we shouldn’t play Quidditch next year,” Lily mutters.   
“Probably a good idea,” I nod.   
“Probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pain is back. Temporarily.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	72. Learning To Express

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus goes to borrow a book from Lily. They get sidetracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: slight homophobia

A couple of days later, I knock on Lily’s bedroom door. I’m attempting to revise, but Scorpius, the walking library, is sadly not present, and I’m struggling to remember everything. However, Lily has a book with the information I need, and she’ll probably let me borrow it.  
“Come in.”

I push the door open slowly and she looks up from where she’s sat on her bed. She closes her book as I shut the door.  
“Hey,” I smile.   
“Hey,” she smiles back. “You okay?”  
“Yeah,” I nod. “Can I borrow a book?”  
“Go ahead.”

I nod a thank you and walk to her bookcase, scanning it for the book I need. I pause slightly as a brightly-coloured bag catches my eye, and I can’t help but look at it. It’s open and several brushes and tubes poke out the sides.  
“Any luck?” Lily asks.  
“Uh – haven’t made it far,” I admit. “Got distracted. I didn’t know you wore much make up.”  
“I don’t,” Lily closes her book again. “That thing just turned up the other day when I was looking for something.”  
“There’s a lot in there.”  
“People who don’t know me well but should seem to think I want to wear a lot of make-up,” Lily shrugs. “Personally, I can’t see the logic of covering my spots with something that gives me more spots, but to each their own.”  
“I guess not,” I smile at her.  
“What do you think?”  
“About what?”  
“Wearing makeup.”  
“Oh…um,” I pause. “It’s not really something I ever devoted much thought to. I’m a guy, so it’s not like I’d ever wear it.”  
“Bullshit,” Lily says sharply. “Get the bag.”  
“Why?” I ask slowly.  
“So I can practice.”  
“I thought you said–”  
“People want me to wear it at formal events,” Lily waves me off. “I don’t want to. I reckon we could shock them nicely if you did.”

I smile, and then grab the bag while attempting not to spill anything. We settle in the middle of the floor and Lily takes the bag, going through it to pull out several creams, as well as an oddly shaped sponge.

She murmurs something about staying still, before starting to dab the creams onto my face, rubbing them in with the sponge-thing. I smile as she stops, opening my eyes to see her unscrewing a small black tube and pulling out a brush. I flinch away slightly when she moves it towards my eye, but then I relax again, blinking when she tells me to.

About a minute later, my eyelashes feel oddly stuff and I smile. Lily smiles back and screws the brush closed, placing back in the bag.   
“How does it feel so far?” she asks.  
“It’s really nice, thank you.”  
“I’m glad you like it. Eyeliner?”  
“Go ahead.”

I close my eyes, trying not to giggle too hard as the brush slides over my eyelid. The second part is also accompanied by a fair amount of swearing and I bite my lip in an attempt to not laugh.  
“One eye done,” Lily says triumphantly, holding up a little pocket mirror. “Merlin, I hate doing wings. But it looks good. So I’m happy.”

I take the mirror, gazing in awe at the art she’s managed to create, and then I smile at her again, about to speak. Before I can, however, someone knocks on the door and Lily rolls her eyes.  
“Go away, James,” she calls.

The door opens, and it isn’t James. My stomach almost somersaults as I lock eyes with dad, watching him take in the scene. I start to stand up, but Lily’s hand lands on mine and I stop.  
“Lily?”  
“Dad.”  
“What – what’s going on?”  
“I was practicing makeup on Albus.”  
“Practicing? Have you done this before?”  
“No.”  
“Right,” dad pauses. “Albus, could I speak to you, please?”  
“It was my idea!” Lily says quickly.  
“Lily?”  
“If you’re about to get angry, you should know that I was my idea.”

Dad nods, and then his glare lands on me and I force myself not to shrink back. I won’t cave. I won’t cower. I will be strong.  
“Albus,” he says, apparently calm, “you do realise that this – whatever it is – isn’t okay?”  
“Why not?” I frown.  
“Because you’ve been confused into believing something about yourself that isn’t true. Makeup is – well, it’s not normal for a boy to wear.”  
“Um, first of all, I’ve never done this before. Secondly, fuck whether it’s normal or not. I don’t care. I’ve tried something new and I quite like it.”  
“Lily, please clear your things away.”  
“Why?” Lily demands. “Seriously, what is wrong with this?”  
“He isn’t gay. He’s been spending time with – certain people…”  
“Have I?” I laugh. “Dad, I don’t know any gay people. I know three LGBTQIA+ people. I met them after I realised I am gay. I don’t think they could ‘turn me gay’.”  
“Clean it off,” dad snaps.

I am about to snap back when Lily speaks first, her voice starting to thicken with genuine anger.  
“What is your problem? Why do you have an issue accepting that Albus is happy?”  
“Because I’m trying to protect him for when he realises that it isn’t true,” dad replies icily. “You’ll thank me soon.”  
“I really won’t,” I mutter. “You know what? Fuck this. Fuck making myself feel small because you don’t want any rainbows brightening up your life.”

I don’t wait for a response, storming out of the room with angry tears in my eyes. I hate him. So much. The only thing I want is to be happy in my own home. And now that is gone too.

I start to rub the makeup off in the bathroom, but a fair amount sticks on my face. I ignore it. It isn’t important.

I need to see Scorpius. So much.

But this doesn’t really warrant emergency action.

Does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love Harry being a dick. But Lily is amazing.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	73. Effects Of A Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily comes to talk to Albus after the incident.

I slam my bedroom door shut once I’ve given up trying to clean the makeup off my face. My homework is still spread out on my bed and I walk towards it, beginning to put it away. Screw this. This can wait. This can wait until I am mentally ready to put some effort into it. I have a week left. I have time. Probably. And it doesn’t matter if I don’t.

After I’ve put everything away, I collapse onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow and groaning. One week. One more week of this shit, and then I can just concentrate on OWLs. And once they’re done, I can devote some energy to finding somewhere to stay over summer. I can’t face six weeks here.

Saying that, I’m not sure I can face another _week_ here. My trunk is packed. I could leave now. I could get out of this shit. But I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t just abandon Lily and James when he’s angry. I shouldn’t run away from my problems.

There’s a knock at the door and I groan again, about to tell them to piss off, when it opens and Lily is stood in my room. I sit up and she offers me a smile. I smile back pathetically, sighing.  
“Thank you for earlier,” I say quietly. “It was fun. I’m sorry he turned up.”  
“It’s not your fault,” Lily shrugs, walking towards my record player. “Can I put something on?”  
“Go ahead. Did you want to talk about something?”

She nods as she presses play and one of Scorpius’ favourite songs, something he referred to as ‘a Disney classic’, starts playing. I don’t know what he meant by that, but I smile at it, wrapping an arm around Lily as she sits beside me.  
“I brought the book,” she passes it to me.  
“Thank you,” I take it, putting it on top of my trunk.  
“Are you going to leave?” she asks quietly. “Are you going to stay with – them?”  
“I thought about it,” I admit. “I don’t want to abandon you.”  
“You’re not. He’s not angry with me. Not really. He’s angry with you.”  
“He’s not angry with you?”  
“He had a go at me,” Lily shrugs. “He got pretty pissed off, gave me a lecture on some shit. But I don’t care.”  
“You think I should go.”  
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Do you want to?”

I pause for a moment, thinking it through. If I had a free decision, if I could make it my choice, I would go. I’d like to see Scorpius, and I need to get out of here. At least for a bit.  
“I do want to,” I nod. “But I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t just run away from all my problems.”  
“You’re not. You’re putting one of your problems on hold. You’ve got so much going on. You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit too.”

I nod, biting my lip. I want to say she’s right. I know that leaving would be better. If I stay, I’m not doing myself any favours. My schoolwork will slip more; I probably won’t speak to another living soul for a week; I won’t eat. And I’ll be angry. A lot.

But if I leave, things might ease a little. Dad’s anger might pass. I’ll get more work done. And I’d get to see Scorpius. I’d get to spend time with him.  
“I don’t know,” I mutter. “I just…I don’t want to intrude either.”  
“You won’t be,” Lily insists. “When Draco Malfoy makes an offer, that’s something you can trust.”  
“Yeah,” I nod. “Yeah. Okay.”  
“You’re going?”  
“Yes.”

Lily smiles, crouching down to pull my trunk open properly. We start to pack the rest of what is left on my bedroom floor, and by the time we’re done, I’m almost dancing around the room to the music. Lily pulls me into a hug and I trip back, laughing as we land on the floor.  
“You’re still a lion cub,” I whisper, smiling.  
“Of course I am,” Lily grins. “Now please, big bear, promise me that you’ll leave a note.”  
“I will,” I nod, sitting up. “I don’t want to scare mum or James. This isn’t their fault.”

We sit there for a bit, and then I grab some parchment and we start writing a note. It’s mainly just an apology to mum, because I do feel awful for leaving her when it isn’t her fault. And then the rest of it is insistence that I’m somewhere safe, though where exactly is unspecified.

And after that is done, we sit and talk for a long time, until she has to say goodnight. And when she goes, I start to pace. Not because I’m nervous. Instead because, now that I’ve turned the music off, I can hear mum and dad downstairs. They are both incredibly icy when they speak loudly enough for me to catch their words, and I do my best to block it out.

A few more hours. Just a few more hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up again.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	74. Like It's Simple, Because It's Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus leaves, but not without running into someone.

When the talking finally stops echoing up the stairs, and once my clock has clicked past two, I pick up my trunk. I take one last look at the note on my pillow, and then I walk to the door, shutting it behind me as silently as possible.

The house is eerily quiet, and I have to force myself not to stop and take it in. I haven’t got time. I need to leave now, or I’m not going to get out without someone realising. I attempt to tiptoe into the kitchen, going to the fireplace and reaching for the Floo Powder.

And then I hear the door close behind me and I all but jump out of my skin.

“Shit,” I mutter, turning around to see, to some degree of relief, my brother. “What the hell are you doing in here?”   
“Working out what you’re doing. You’re running away.” I pause before nodding.   
“Yeah. I can’t – I can’t keep lying and pretending and shit.”   
“Did something happen? Mum and dad are barely speaking properly.”   
“Yeah, it did,” I nod bitterly. “Dad caught Lily doing makeup on me and got very pissed off.”   
“You’re leaving because of that?”   
“He got angry with Lily,” I mutter. “After I left the room, he had a go at her. She pointed out that if I leave, he might calm down a bit.” “He got angry with Lily?”   
“Yeah.”   
“If you think it’s a good idea,” James says after a pause, “then go. But Al, please tell me you left a note.”   
“I did,” I nod. “It’s on my pillow.”   
“Do they know where you’re going?”   
“I’ve put ‘somewhere safe’,” I say. “I’m not telling him, but I don’t want mum to worry.”

I swallow, trying to breathe. I don’t want to hurt mum. This isn’t her fault. I really don’t want to put her through hell again.   
“Listen, James.”   
“Yeah?”   
“Tell mum – tell mum I’m sorry. I mean, I wrote it a lot in the letter, but please tell her. I don’t want to hurt her.”   
“Of course.”

James smiles softly at me, and then he wraps me in a huge hug. I hug him back, while attempting not to let my eyes fill with tears. I can’t really remember the last time we hugged, but I need it. I really need it.

The knowledge that he cares this much is a wonderful feeling that I want to learn to appreciate. Truly, fully appreciate. The feeling of familial love. The feeling that I keep thinking is missing, or long gone. Because, in some ways, it is. And in others, there’s still scraps of this left.   
“Stay safe,” James murmurs.   
“I will, don’t worry,” I smile. “I’ll be completely fine. I’m sorry to – abandon you – like this.”   
“You’re not abandoning us,” James insists. “You are doing what you believe to be best in the situation. Good luck.”   
“Thank you.”

I pick up the trunk and take a handful of Floo Powder, stepping into the fireplace. One more look at James, and then I throw the stuff down, closing my eyes tightly. Within seconds, the appalling spinning sensation has taken over and all I can do is wait for it to stop.

When it does, I have been spat out onto a cold, stone floor, and I take a moment to lie there and allow the nausea to wear off. When it does, I sit up, glancing around to make sure I’m in the right place.

The first thing I see is a photo of Scorpius with a woman that I can only assume is Astoria. They’re both laughing and Scorpius’ hair is tinged slightly brown. I have to stifle a laugh at that. I cannot believe that it’s his actual hair, but it’s not something to consider now. Now, I need to sleep.

I can’t go anywhere, because it is two in the morning, so I pull a jumper from my trunk and lie down, staring up at the ceiling. It’s cold and I struggle not to shiver, but I smile at the same time.

In a few hours’ time, I’ll see Scorpius. In a few hours’ time, I get to leave everything behind me, completely and utterly. At least for a few weeks.

And summer? I can deal with summer after OWLs. Whatever planning needs to happen, it also needs to wait for now. Now, I need to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We gotta love a good bit of JSP being a big brother.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	75. Little Shocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus wakes up to a lovely surprise.

The first thing I notice when my mind swims out of sleep, is that the trunk that I was using as a pillow no longer has uncomfortably hard edges. Or, possibly, someone has put a pillow where the trunk was. It also feels like I’m under a blanket. A heavy, warm blanket.

I pull my legs closer to my chest, smiling to myself. I’m not alone. I knew before, knew that they cared about me, but this, knowing that they care this much, it makes me feel warm, happy.

I open my eyes slowly, starting to roll over and stretch. I stop sharply as I come face to face with Scorpius, who is curled up beside me, dozing. I watch him, smiling softly at his peace. He looks so beautifully calm.

His lips are curled upwards slightly, in a small, subconscious smile, which flutters as he breathes. His fringe is hanging over his right eye, slightly longer than it normally is. Knowing him, he probably forgot to trim his hair in the midst of revising for OWLs.

His eyes open slowly and I smile at him softly, taking his hand. He puts his arms around me, hugging me tightly, and I try not to cry. I missed him so much, and I’m only letting it hit me properly now. I can forget the façade now.   
“Hey,” he murmurs. “How are you?”   
“Glad to see you,” I whisper. “Thank you for the pillow and the blanket.”   
“I couldn’t just let you keep using a trunk and a jumper, could I?”   
“You scared me when I saw you.”   
“I scared you?” Scorpius raises an eyebrow. “How do you think dad reacted when he came in here for breakfast?”   
“Shit,” I mutter. “Oh damnit. Was he okay with – me? I’m sorry.”   
“It’s fine,” Scorpius smiles softly. “It’s fine, Albie.”

There’s a short silence and he looks at my face carefully. I bite my lip, a little awkward, and he takes my hand again.   
“Did someone hurt you?” he asks quietly.   
“No,” I say. “Why?”   
“Your eye,” Scorpius murmurs. “Albus, who did that?”

Oh. Oh right. Of course. I didn’t take the eyeliner off properly and it’s scared him. I should have realised this.   
“It’s not an injury,” I promise. “It’s – it’s eyeliner.”   
“Eyeliner,” he repeats.   
“Yeah,” I nod.

I lick the tip of my thumb and attempt to wipe the last of the stuff away. From the way that Scorpius cringes, I have the feeling that I have only smudged it, but it’s enough to prove that it isn’t a bruise.   
“Why are you wearing eyeliner?” Scorpius murmurs.   
“Lily wanted to practice on me,” I shrug. “It was fun until dad caught us.”   
“Oh. Oh, Albus. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”   
“It’s not your fault,” I point out. “It doesn’t matter. I just – I couldn’t stay there. Not for another week.”   
“And you don’t have to,” Scorpius smiles at me softly. “You’re here. Would you like some breakfast?”   
“Please,” I nod.

We sit up and Scorpius wraps his arms around me, leaning his head on my shoulder, and I smile. We stand up, somewhat clumsily, both giggling, and I stop abruptly as the door opens and Draco walks in.

He is, probably unsurprisingly, wearing a dressing gown that is stark contrast to his usual robes. I stare at him for a moment, before shaking myself quickly.   
“Good morning, Albus,” Draco smiles at me.   
“Uh, good morning,” I reply, stumbling slightly. “Sorry for just – you know – sleeping there. And scaring you. Sorry for scaring you.”   
“It’s fine,” Draco smiles again, softer. “How are you? Are you okay?”   
“I am,” I nod. “It’s just – it’s been really tense, and I had a really bad day a couple of days again. And I had another fight with – him. I thought it was probably better if I came here.”   
“I’m glad you’re safe.”   
“We were going to get some breakfast,” Scorpius takes my hand.   
“Okay.”

Scorpius pulls me towards a cupboard, taking two bowls from it, and then grabbing a box of fairly sugary cereal. He offers it to me and I pour what I imagine is only handful of stuff in. Scorpius looks at me, eyebrows raised.   
“Are you planning on eating more than that?”   
“I’m not hungry,” I shrug. “I haven’t eaten much in the last week.”   
“When did you last eat?”   
“Probably yesterday lunch.”

Scorpius raises his eyebrows further, and then he takes the cereal from me, filling the bowl completely. He does the same for himself, dousing both portions in far too much milk. Then he pulls me to the table and sits us both down.   
“Eat,” he says softly. “Please.”

I take the spoon slowly and do as he asks. I do need to eat. He’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I love my boys. No matter how much I torture and hurt them (speak to SunshineScorpius or my friend Meg), I still love them with all my heart.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	76. A Soft Place To Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius make a reasonably large mess.

After breakfast, Scorpius takes me upstairs to his room. I try not to stare around at the hundreds of things decorating the walls – I’ve not been here before, and it is impressive. There are likely hundreds of paintings and photos, though it doesn’t feel like any of them belong to the traditional, ‘pure blood’ era.

I put my trunk in the corner and look up to see Scorpius land on his bed and bounce a few feet. I smile, shaking my head as he beckons me over. He stands up again, grabbing my hands and pulling me forward so that we both land on the bed in a heap. “What are you doing?” I laugh. “Giving you a hug because you ate your breakfast.”

I smile, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his shoulder. I missed him and it feels as if I’ve missed him more with every passing moment.   
“Do you fancy doing some baking?” Scorpius muses.   
“What?”   
“Dad and I were going to do some baking at some point. We could make cookies.”   
“I don’t want to use up you and your dad’s stuff–”   
“He won’t mind,” Scorpius insists. “Come on, Albie.”   
“Okay,” I nod. “Baking. Cookies. I – um – yes. Okay.”   
“It’ll be fine,” Scorpius jumps up eagerly. “Come on.”

I follow him back out of his room, laughing at how eager he appears to be. It’s almost a bit worrying, because he is so energetic that he stumbles several times on the stairs, yanking me with him whenever he does. Somehow, we make it to the bottom without falling down them, and then Scorpius drags me back towards the kitchen.

I feel slightly guilty about agreeing to this. I cannot imagine how much mess we are going to make.

* * *

About half an hour later, there is chaos everywhere. Scorpius may be a reasonably calm, organised person in most senses, but there is now a phenomenal amount of stuff around us. I now understand the photo of Scorpius with brown-tinged hair. It’s turning now, with all the cocoa powder he’s using.

He seems to be pretty much in his element with what he’s doing. So I do what I’m told, laughing as I do. I’ve never seen him become such a whirlwind of activity, and it is both beautiful and hilarious.

He doesn’t seem like the sort of person whose chaos would explode this much. He’s squeaky and funny and hyper, but not chaotic. Except now he is. And I am fairly sure I have never seen this much confusion around him at one time.

I freeze slightly as the kitchen door opens and Draco walks in, before stopping in shock. I smile sheepishly, looking down at the work surface. Scorpius doesn’t stop, smiling brightly at his dad as he grabs something else from the shelf.   
“Hi, dad. We were baking.”   
“Where else would this mess have come from?”   
“You baking?”   
“True,” Draco chuckles. “Well, have fun. You need a break.”   
“Has he been revising too much?” I ask.   
“You can’t revise too much!” Scorpius protests.   
“You did need a break,” Draco murmurs. “And I’m glad you’re taking one. What are you making?”   
“Cookies,” Scorpius grins. “I was using the recipe we used that time mum went to see grandad and grandma. We tried to surprise her, remember?”   
“Of course I remember,” Draco nods. “That would explain the mess.” A pause. “I’ll leave you both to it.”

And with that, he turns around and walks out again. I glance at Scorpius, who has stopped his whirlwind. A look of sadness crosses his face and I stop what I’m doing to walk over to him. He leans into me as I wrap my arms around him, letting out a sigh.   
“You okay?” I murmur.   
“I stopped to think,” he sounds as if he’s smiling bitterly. “Stupid mistake.”   
“I’ve got you,” I promise. “I’ve always got you.”

Scorpius nods and then he moves away, starting to move at a million miles an hour again. I don’t stop him as he practically dances around, rolling out the cookie dough and spreading the shapes out on baking trays. Once everything is in the over, we sit at the table and I offer him my hand.   
“I’ll say it again,” I say quietly. “She’d be proud of you. She’d be so proud of you.”

Scorpius nods, his eyes filling with silent tears, and I hug him tightly, trying to promise I won’t go anywhere without words. I hope he understands.

About twenty minutes later, the oven beeps and Scorpius walks over and switches it off. He walks back to me without taking the cookies out, and I frown a little. He shakes his head.   
“Can we take a break?”   
“Of course,” I nod.   
“Are you okay?”   
“Just – you know – bit of a mess. I’m sorry.”   
“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”

He nods, smiling as he takes my hand and leads me through another room. We settle again on a sofa and I look up. Across from us is something that I can only assume is a piano. It’s covered in a large, white sheet, but it is just about visible.   
“Does your dad play?” I ask quietly.   
“He doesn’t,” Scorpius mumbles. “Mum did. She taught me.”   
“Oh,” I murmur. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Scorpius shrugs and stands up to walk towards the instrument. He runs his hand over the sheet, and starts to pull it back. I stand up and walk over to him as he opens the lid, sighing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Scorbus baking is my literal favourite fluffy headcanon.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	77. Long After The Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius plays piano.

When Scorpius starts to play, I forget the rest of the world. The music flutters from the piano, quiet and gentle, as Scorpius begins to sing. I stand and listen, in awe of every part of it. He seems so in tune with the music, and every word that he sings dives in and out of the piano, almost like a dolphin.

The sound soars through the room, echoing off every nook and cranny it can find. It’s beyond any beauty I’ve ever heard, and I am determined to never forget it. To never forget the sight and sound of Scorpius and a piano.

When the song finishes, the music fades and I sit beside him on the stool. He looks at me, eyes full of tears, and I place a hand on his shoulder. He leans into me, breathing shakily.  
“That was beautiful,” I murmur. “Thank you for showing me.”  
“It’s fine,” Scorpius mumbles. “I – I haven’t played for years. Not since mum – not since she died.”  
“It was amazing,” I try to assure him; I’m not sure what else I can say.  
“Could we do something?” Scorpius asks quietly.  
“Of course,” I nod.

Scorpius stands up and I follow him out into the corridor. He walks down a few passages, and I go with him, not questioning. He stops outside a dark door covered in ornate carvings, and knocks. Draco’s voice echoes from within to invite us inside, and Scorpius opens the door.

Where I expect to find an office, we instead walk into a large room stacked full of boxes. Draco is walking between them, writing things on some of the boxes. He stops as we enter.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Could we have some flowers?” Scorpius says quietly. “I wanted to take Albus down to the swing.”  
“Of course,” Draco’s eyes fill with understanding as he nods.

He waves his wand and a bouquet of dark roses appear in his hands. Scorpius takes them, mumbling a thank you, and then he goes to leave. Once we’re out in the corridor, I stop him.  
“Are you okay?” I ask quietly. “Scorpius, are you okay?”  
“I haven’t been down to the swing in nearly three years,” Scorpius mumbles. “I’m – I’m just a bit nervous.”

Nearly three years. Third year. His mum. Oh.

“I’m here,” I say, hoping it can bring some comfort. “I’m here for you. It’ll be okay.”

Sometimes, I loathe myself for the sheer number of false promises I make him, make myself. But it feels like the only thing I can do. I don’t know what to say that could make any of it better. And it doesn’t feel like sympathy is enough, but it’s all I can give.

He nods and we start to walk again, ending up in the room that I can only assume is the entrance. It is, like most things here, an unnecessarily grand left-over of the when the ‘pure blood’ families thought higher of themselves. I don’t say anything. It isn’t worth concentrating on. I’m slightly annoyed that my mind even went to it as a thought.

Scorpius opens the door and we walk out into the morning sunshine. I stop to look around but Scorpius keeps moving, almost breaking into a run as he trots down the steps. I run after him, not trying to stop him, and we run down the lawn until we’re both panting loudly.

He doesn’t stop moving, however, leading me towards a group of trees that could probably qualify as a small woodland. Just in view, I can see a small tree with a rope swing hanging from its branches.

Scorpius stops a few feet from it, swaying slightly on the spot. I place a hand on his arm and he looks at me, tears swimming in his eyes.  
“Help me?”  
“Of course,” I nod.

Together, we walk the last few steps to the tree, and Scorpius kneels down to place the roses down. He doesn’t move after that, simply staring at the bark. I kneel beside him, taking his hand gently.  
“I should come here more often,” he murmurs. “But I won’t. And the flowers will be gone. And I…I don’t know why that is the only thing I can concentrate on.”  
“It’s okay,” I promise. “Can I take one?”  
“For what?”  
“To plant it,” I smile softly. “If you want to.”  
“Please,” Scorpius nods.

I roll up my sleeves and start to make a hole in the ground. It’s bigger than entirely necessary, but it needs to be reasonably deep and I’m doing it by hand. Once that is done, Scorpius passes me the rose that he’s been holding, and I place it in the ground, filling in the hole again.  
“Thank you,” Scorpius whispers. “Thank you for this.”  
“It’s fine,” I say softly. “She’d be proud of you.”  
“We used to come down here for picnics,” Scorpius glances around. “After mum got really ill, dad and I would bake, and then we’d all come and spend the afternoon down here – enjoying ourselves. I think – I think – I tried to pretend that everything was okay.”

There is a silence as I reach for something to say, but Scorpius stands up. He leans on the swing and I stand up, going to him. He looks to me, and then down at the swing. I nod and he sits down, leaning back into me as I wrap my arms around him.

And for a few beautiful moments, everything is okay. It’s quiet. The only sounds are of the world. I’m with the person I care about most in the world. The sky is blue. The world is quiet.

For a few moments, everything is okay. Vaguely okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is based off/inspired by my one shot Lullabye In A Storm - please read if you want. ( https://archiveofourown.org/works/19203184 )  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	78. No One Can Decide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone arrives.

From where we end up sitting, we can see the gates of the manor. We talk for a bit, and then I break off halfway through a sentence as I see two figures appear outside the gate. Mum. Mum and Harry Potter. Shit. Oh shit.

I stand up sharply, stumbling as I run back towards the trees. Scorpius follows me, catching up as I sink down on the bed of moss, unable to keep my breathing calm. He’s found me. He’s found me and that means I have to see him, talk to him. After yesterday, after last night, I have to talk to him.

Except I can’t breathe properly. And breaths that I manage to draw don’t seem to bring oxygen into my lungs, and it’s easier to – well, not. I can’t do this. I cannot fucking do this.  
“Albus?”  
“I can’t see him,” I shake my head. “I – no – I can’t…not now. Please…please…”  
“You don’t have to,” Scorpius says softly. “Albus, just – Albus, look at me, okay? Focus on me.”  
“Scor…”  
“What can you hear?”  
“You. Birds. Wind. I…nothing else.”  
“Okay, good. Can you see anything?”  
“You. Trees. Trees and hills. Lots of hills.”

Quiet.

“I can’t see – not him.”  
“That’s okay. You don’t have to see him.”  
“He’ll make me. He won’t care.”  
“This isn’t his home. If you don’t want to see him, he can’t force you.”  
“He will.”  
“He won’t. I promise. I won’t let him and neither will my dad.”  
“You’re sure?”  
“I promise.”

I nod, leaning into Scorpius as the tears continues to flood down my cheeks. He wraps his arms around me and I hold on tightly. I need to believe him, believe that I don’t have to do this, that I will do it on my own terms. Not his.

Because I should talk to him. I have things I need to say to him, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get this chance again. A chance to say exactly what I need to say, in a space where I know I don’t have to cope with his reactions. Maybe I’m a coward. Maybe I’m being sensible. I don’t care.

I need to talk, even if it’s just a rant. Even if I just get angry and we end up screaming again. I need to tell him the shit building in my mind. He should know. He’s my parent. Even if he doesn’t act like it. Even if he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care.  
“I should talk to him,” I mutter. “If he isn’t going to start fixing this mess again, I should.”  
“He’ll listen.”  
“I don’t care if he does anymore. If I try and he turns it down? Well, we now where his priorities are. And all the crap I keep thinking about ‘instinctual love’ is bullshit.”

Scorpius nods and I force air into my lungs. I can do this. I glance back at the gate, and then at where mum and Harry Potter are. They’re nearly at the door, which is already open. He looks furious and I almost laugh. He’s so incredibly furious, and yet he still assumes his ‘right’ to talk to me will come first.

Even when I’m not a child anymore, when he all but drove me out. In his head, this is still me being a stupid child. Because that’s all I’ve ever been. A stupid, pathetic child.

I stand up sharply, digging my nails into my palms. I’m done. I’m done with silence. I’m safe here. I could speak. It would be okay.  
“Would you come with me?” I hear my voice crack.  
“Of course,” Scorpius nods. “You’re sure about this?”  
“Yeah,” I nod. “But just – I need to talk on my terms.”

Scorpius nods, and we start to walk back towards, the house. I feel more and more sick as we draw closer, but I know I have to do this – I’m not going to get this opportunity again. I need to take it.

As we get inside, Draco comes out of a side room and looks at us. Scorpius explains that we saw them arrive and Draco explains that Harry is demanding to see me.  
“I’ll talk to him,” I mumble.  
“Okay,” Draco nods. “Albus, if you need to leave, at any point, then leave. This is not their home and they do not have my permission to be in the rest of the house.”  
“Thank you,” I swallow. “So much.”

I take Scorpius’ hand and look at the door. It’s going to be okay. I have to promise myself that. One more conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow's chapter is basically me venting at my...entire...life?  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	79. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus speaks to his mum. And Harry Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: little bit of homophobia

I don’t let go of Scorpius’ hand as I open the door and walk in. Mum and him are sat at a table and he makes to get up, but she stops him. I take another breath, and then Scorpius and I walk to the two empty chairs and sit down.  
“Morning,” I try not to mutter; I try to put in some effort.  
“What were you hoping to achieve with this?” he demands.

We’re starting like this. Apparently.

“A bit of peace,” I say quietly.   
“You ran away–”  
“I left,” I interrupt forcefully. “There is a huge difference.”  
“That being?”  
“I left a note. I knew where I was going. And it was a thought-through decision.”  
“How did you know you’d be able to stay here?”  
“Draco said I could come if I needed to. And I did need to.”  
“We had a disagreement so you walked out?”  
“We had multiple disagreements,” I snap. “I am trying – so fucking hard – to be civil and actually communicate. You keep refusing to see me – all of me.”  
“I am trying to protect you.”  
“You are doing a shitty job.”

There is a silence and I try to collect my thoughts. I can’t just get angry. I need to think about it. If he won’t be the adult, I have to be.  
“Do you think this is a phase?” I ask quietly.  
“You’re rushing with it.”  
“So you think I’ll end up being straight?”  
“Yes,” he nods. “Yes I do, Albus.”  
“Okay,” I nod. “Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that this is a phase.”  
“Right.”  
“Why can’t we just act like it isn’t? Why can’t we stop living hypothetically? I mean, we supported James’ phase of being a dick. We supported that for years.”  
“James isn’t a dick. He and you just don’t get on brilliantly.”  
“No, it was a phase,” I ignore that he’s just partially blamed me. “Because he came to tell me that people knew I was in a relationship.”  
“You’re in a relationship,” he repeats.  
“He was the person I had a crush on and I walked in holding his hand,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “Either way, even if it is a phase, can’t I live like it isn’t and cross the bridges I need to cross when they come.”

Silence.

“Look, you said you understood my heart. You said my heart is a good one. Please understand my heart. Please.”

There is a silence and I look at Scorpius. He smiles at me proudly, nodding. I smile back. Today has been a good day. Despite this, today has been a good day.  
“I’m – I’m sorry for leaving like that, mum,” I say quietly. “It wasn’t far on you to leave like that.”  
“It’s okay,” mum says. “You left a note, and I understand why you did it.”  
“Thank you,” I mumble, before looking back at him.  
“I cannot support this–”  
“I am gay,” I snap. “I. Am. Gay. And I’m done with letting you separate that from me as a person. Don’t separate it. Because I’m gay and there isn’t really a lot I can do about that. Not that I want it to be separated from me.”  
“Try and see this from–”  
“Fuck this,” I mutter.  
“Excuse me?”  
“Every time we talk now, this happens. I refuse to repress part of my identity. You refuse to apologise. And then we fight. Well, I’m done with it.  
“If you want to talk – and apologise with that – then I’ll listen. I’m not against talking. But unless that happens, I won’t be coming home. Hope that’s okay.”  
“Where do you intend to stay?”  
“At school,” I shrug. “And I’ll find somewhere over summer. I can get a job.”  
“You’re staying with us,” Scorpius says sharply.  
“Thank you,” I feel tears in my eyes and I blink them back.  
“You’re not old enough to do this.”  
“I am sixteen,” I mutter. “At fourteen, I got kidnapped by a madwoman. At fifteen, I got kidnapped by her estranged family. I really do think I’m old enough to deal with this.  
“Look, I’ll talk to you. I’d just like an apology. It’s not a lot. Until that, I’m sorry, mum. I love you, and I promise I’ll write.”

She nods, murmuring an answer as I stand up. Scorpius does the same, and we walk away. As we do, I feel a weight lift from my shoulders. I told him what I think, what I really think. And I don’t care if he listened or not. I have other options.

I didn’t lose my father either. I lost him a long time ago. He’s starting to realise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the much needed 'fuck you' hath taken place.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	80. Uncontrolled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night, Albus gets overcome with those pesky little things we call emotions.

When we eat dinner that night, I’m very quiet. The impact of what I said earlier, the full impact, is still driving itself home, and I’m not entirely sure how to cope with it. I did mean what I said, because I’ve wanted to say it for months now. But there is a difference, a huge difference, between muttering those things to myself and actually saying them to the person they’re intended for.

I told Draco what I’d said after mum and Harry Potter had left. He had, almost instantly, taken the same stance as Scorpius and insisted that I stay here in the holidays. I thanked him, and then asked Scorpius if we could go back outside before I started to cry.

I am trying not to cry now. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m exhausted. Probably that. Either way, whatever the reason is, it’s making me very quiet. I know if I try to divide my attention, I’ll lose all composure.  
“Albus?”

I jump as Scorpius says my name, and I look at him questioningly. Speaking isn’t a brilliant idea.  
“Are you okay?”

I nod, and Scorpius raises his eyebrows I suppose I should know better than to blatantly lie to him, but I don’t want to lose it now. It’s been a reasonable day. I don’t want to ruin it for him.  
“I’m not hungry,” I lie quietly. “Sorry.”

I am hungry. I’m starving. But I don’t want to eat anything. I can’t be bothered. I don’t know why. I wouldn’t care why, if it weren’t for their concerned looks. I swallow, trying to think of something to say, some sort of excuse or other.  
“It’s okay,” Scorpius murmurs. “Try your best.”

I nod, reaching to pull a little of the food into my mouth. It tastes very nice but I’m not really able to appreciate it right now. I’m going to cry. Oh shit. I’m going to cry. I force myself to breathe, and then I put my fork down. Draco looks at me and I mutter an apology as I stand up.  
“Can I – can I go to bed?” I mumble.  
“Of course,” Draco nods. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head and start to walk out. I try not to stumble as I walk up the stairs to the room Scorpius helped me set up earlier. As I shut the door, I sink down onto the carpet and I let myself break.

I sob and sob until my throat is raw and I don’t even know why I’m still crying. Not that I even knew why I was ever crying. I almost wish that I hadn’t let myself stop feeling numb. It would make this easier. It would make this whole thing easier.

Somehow, I make it across to the bed, where I collapse again, wrapping my arms around a pillow and continuing to cry. I don’t react as I hear the door open and someone sits down next to me.  
“Do you want to talk?” Draco asks quietly.   
“I shouldn’t be upset,” I mutter, the words catching. “I should be used to this by now.”  
“You can’t expect yourself to be used to this at all, let alone after a matter of weeks.”  
“It’s been years. Nothing has been okay for years and I know that. I wanted to say that to him. I don’t understand why it hurts so much.”  
“Because he is your parent and there is still some sort of emotional connection between you both. You’re not being stupid. None of this is stupid.”  
“Feels like it.”  
“Try get some sleep,” Draco says softly. “It will be okay. I promise.”  
“Why do you care so much?” I look up at him slowly.  
“Because you are a child and it isn’t fair on you to have to carry this much.”

I don’t respond, rolling over again. He stands up, closing the door as he leaves, and I close my eyes. Tomorrow will be better. If I get some sleep, tomorrow will be okay.

Except when I do sleep, I dream.

When I sleep, the nightmares wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Draco being a good dad, even if it hurts Albus.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	81. In The Dark Of The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius has a nightmare.

Once I’ve woken up after having a nightmare, I don’t go back to sleep. I can’t go back to sleep like this, so I change out of my sweat-soaked clothes and try to do a bit of revision by moonlight. I’m feeling a little less like hell now, enough to concentrate on work. At least, concentrate somewhat.

I try not to think too hard about anything. Not the nightmare. Not my parents. Not the upcoming exams that may very well be my end. It’s quiet. It’s been quiet a lot recently. I don’t know why I like it, but I do.

Maybe it’s simply because I haven’t really noticed before. It’s always loud at home. No. It’s always loud at my parents’ home. Not my home. Not right now, anyway.

And then a scream cuts through the air and I freeze. It isn’t an echo. It isn’t in my mind. It’s real. It’s very real. I put my stuff down, listening carefully. My blood runs cold at the second scream. Because I know what Scorpius’ screams sound like.

Shit.

Oh shit.

I practically dive out of bed, stumbling to the door and running down towards Scorpius’ room. Sure enough, the screams are echoing from there, and I’m about to go in when Draco comes thundering towards me.

I stand out of his way, following him in. He knows how to help Scorpius better than I do. I close the door behind us and he goes to the bed, starting to murmur to Scorpius.

Scorpius himself is a state. He’s shaking and screaming and thrashing around, his limbs tangling themselves in the bed sheets, even as he’s still asleep. He shrieks again as Draco places hands on his shoulders to try and wake him. At first, it does nothing and I start to move again. I can’t start to concentrate on his screaming. Not now.

I want to help. I want to do something. But I don’t know what I can do. I glance around for some non-existent prompt of what to do, and then I start to move towards the bed. Scorpius is still thrashing violently, and Draco looks terrified. He doesn’t know what to do any more than I do.

But he’ll wake Scorpius up. He’ll help. I need to be ready for when Scorpius wakes up, ready to help him then.

I go to his drawers and find some spare pyjamas, and then I grab the mug of water. By the time I’ve done that, the screaming has been replaced by sobs, and I look over to see Scorpius curled tightly in his dad’s arms, mumbling and crying. I hang back as Draco murmurs reassurances to his son. I don’t want to scare Scorpius. I don’t want to make it all worse.

However, when I catch my name in his mutterings, I dart forward, trying not to spill the water. I put the things down on his bedside table, before sitting next to him.   
“Scorp? Scorp, I’m here.”

Scorpius looks at me, moving to bury his face in my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him, rocking him softly and rubbing circles around his back. Beside us, I feel Draco stand up and move somewhere. I don’t look where, concentrating solely on calming Scorpius down.   
“Albie?”   
“Yes?”   
“You’re here? You’re staying?”   
“Of course I am.”   
“Promise?”   
“Promise.”

I can’t imagine what his nightmare entailed. I don’t want to know. And I don’t imagine that he’ll want to talk about it right now. Or ever.

He starts to cry again and I hold him a little tighter, murmuring reassurances as best I can. Draco settles next to me again, taking Scorpius’ hand silently. He looks scared, more scared than I’ve ever seen him when our lives haven’t been at risk.

But it’s contained and, for a few minutes, the few of us stay like that. Silent. An attempt at comfort, family. Or they are, at least.

Scorpius’ breathing starts to steady a little and I begin to realise that he’s managed to fall some way back to sleep – a small mercy. Draco stands up again and I murmur something about staying for a few more minutes. Draco nods, walking away, and I lie Scorpius back again, attempting to sort the tangled duvet around him.

He starts to murmur as I stand up, and I stop, taking his hand again. He looks at me through half-closed eyes.   
“Stay?”   
“Okay. Will you be all right if I go grab my duvet?”   
“Stay _here_? With me.”  
“Oh, okay,” I nod as I realise what he means. “If you’re okay with that.”

He nods, moving over so that I can climb into the bed beside him. I take his hand and he wraps his arm around me, tucking his chin over my shoulder. His breathing is still shaky and I do my best to continue calming him down.   
“Sorry I woke you,” he mumbles.   
“You didn’t,” I say. “I had a nightmare earlier. I was revising.”   
“You?”   
“Yeah. You’re having a bad influence on me.”   
“I wouldn’t say bad,” Scorpius giggles.   
“Go to sleep,” I roll my eyes. “I’m here if you need me.”   
“Will you sleep?”   
“I’ll try.”   
“Promise?”   
“Promise.”

I intend to keep my promises from here on out. So I will sleep, or I’ll try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my boys and I will fight for them.   
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	82. Not What You Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Albus and Scorpius wake up together, and remember that they did not inform Draco of their sleeping arrangements.

It takes a moment for me to remember why I’m lying in Scorpius’ arms. I don’t panic, but it’s a little strange, until I remember why. My nightmare. His nightmare. Him asking me to stay.

I look at him, smiling when I realise he’s sleeping peacefully. He feels safe, safe enough to let himself sleep deeply. Because of me. And while part of me is screaming that his judgement is misplaced, that I can’t keep him safe, a larger part of me points out that we’re safe. That it’s all going to be entirely okay.

Because it will be. It will be okay. I know that there will be some threat of other because of who we happen to be. But it won’t ever be a threat we can’t handle. It won’t ever be a threat we’re not prepared for in some way. Whatever might happen, we will be okay.

Scorpius rolls over and I try to stop him tumbling out onto the floor. He groans sleepily and I laugh, shaking my head.   
“Morning,” he mumbles.   
“Good morning,” I shake my head again, still smiling. “Did you sleep well?”   
“Yeah. You?”   
“I slept,” I nod.

At this point, I think we’ve both accepted that the other sleeping at all is a win. If we can close our eyes and not feel scared, that’s a victory. That will always be a victory. Scorpius lies back and stares up at the ceiling, sighing.   
“You okay?” I ask.   
“Tired,” Scorpius murmurs. “Well, there isn’t anything in particular we need to do today, so you can take it slow.”   
“Revision?”   
“Of course you think about that,” I roll my eyes.   
“It needs to happen.”   
“I know,” I nod. “I know, and I’m behind.”   
“Well, I’m here.”   
“The walking library,” I nod, laughing.   
“Is that what you think of me?”   
“Sometimes.”

Scorpius laughs, shaking his head as he starts to stand up. I pull him back, hugging him again, and he rolls his eyes.   
“I’m hungry,” he grumbles.

I’m about to respond when there’s a knock on the door and I freeze. It has only just hit me that I’ve just shared a bed with the son of the man who is at the door. I look at Scorpius and he nods reassuringly before calling out ‘come in’.

The door opens and I’m fairly sure I’m bright red as Draco walks in. He starts to speak, and then breaks off, looking at us.   
“Oh, you’re here, Albus,” he says slowly. “Right. Okay.”   
“I asked him to stay last night,” Scorpius explains. “We both slept.”   
“I’m glad,” Draco nods. “I’ll – I’ll leave you to it.”

As the door shuts behind him, Scorpius bursts into laughter and I bury my face in a pillow, groaning. He starts to move around, humming to himself, and I stare at him.   
“How are you laughing?” I mutter.   
“Because he looked fairly embarrassed too,” he grins. “And it was funny.”   
“If I agree to revise without complaining,” I groan, “will you never talk about this again?”   
“No complaining?” Scorpius grins slyly.   
“Please never bring this up.”   
“I’m going to hold you to that. For a long time.”   
“I know.”

I roll over again as he starts pulling clothes out of drawers. No matter what anyone says, I’m never going to live this down. He’s never going to let me forget it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how long that one was in the works. Whoops.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	83. Rose Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The week unfolds quite nicely.

We spend the majority of the week revising. True to my word, I don’t complain (because it is actually quite fun to revise with Scorpius), and true to his word, he doesn’t bring up _that_ minor incident. It wasn’t that embarrassing, if I’m being honest, but I still do not want to think about it.

We evolve into a fairly consistent routine of waking up (I’m now sleeping on a mattress in Scorpius’ room), eating breakfast, and then starting to revise. Scorpius has, unsurprisingly, made a brilliant revision plan, so I just work from that.

After lunch, we pack up and head down to the swing to work some more, and get a decent amount of fresh air. The roses that Draco gave us are proving their magical-ness very effectively. They always look as fresh as they did on the day Scorpius laid them, and the one that I planted has already begun to snake around the tree.

I think it helps Scorpius. He seems calmer by the swing, like his whirlwind of activity has calmed down a little. It has occurred to me before that it was all a façade to stop him from concentrating too hard on anything, but I’ve never said or done anything. I’ve never known what to say or do.

He’s still incredibly enthusiastic while studying, which always brings a smile to both of our faces. I’m fairly sure I could watch him forever when he’s smiling. And I would spend forever trying to make him smile.

In the evenings, Draco insists that we do something unrelated to school. I have no objections with what Scorpius suggests, and we end up, every night, curled up together while watching various Disney films. I’m fairly sure we watch Mulan at least three times, and those are the only times that Scorpius doesn’t fall asleep before the end of the film. He sleeps a phenomenal amount.

On the Thursday morning, I notice a large number of poetry books on his shelf and I ask him about them. He explains quietly that they belonged to his mum and he read a lot of them to her over her last summer.   
“Oh,” I nod. “Oh. I’m sorry, Scorp.”   
“It’s okay,” Scorpius murmurs, standing up. “I think it helped her. She liked it.”   
“I’m glad.”

He walks to the shelf and runs a finger along the spines, before pulling one away, holding it with shaking hands as he comes to sit again. I place my hands on his and he looks at me, biting his lip.   
“Can I read?” he whispers.   
“Yes,” I nod. “If you want to.”

Scorpius nods and opens the book slowly. He turns to a marked page and take a deep breath. I place a hand on his leg, smiling softly at him. He smiles back nervously as he starts to read.   
“I am spending my time imagining the worst that could happen.   
“I know this is not a good idea, and that, being in love, I could be   
“spending my time going over the best that has been happening.”

He pauses, a tear running down his cheek as he smiles to himself, shaking his head.

“She used to say,” his voice cracks. “She used to say that it reminded her of dad. She said that he always thought the worst was going to happen – back when they first started dating. But then she’d told him about the curse and he’d just – stopped. Within moments, he stopped thinking ‘what might happen’ and started living. Living properly. For her.”   
“She sounds like the most amazing, strong person you could ever hope to meet. I’m sorry, so sorry, that you lost her. It isn’t fair on you.”   
“I think I’m starting to find her again,” Scorpius says quietly.   
“What do you mean?”   
“I shut so much away,” Scorpius murmurs, staring forwards. “And then you came and all the things I wanted to show you, they’re leading me back to her. The things she loved, I loved. Everything I’ve been too scared to consider for years. I – I think she’d like you. Thank you.”   
“You’re welcome,” I smile. “I’m glad you’re finding her again. And that she’d like me.”

He nods, placing an arm over my shoulder gently. And then, half a moment later, I go to peck his cheek. He turns his head and our lips connect, slow, soft. Caring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first read that poem after getting really, really into Cursed Child, it just made me think of Scorpius. Dusting the Phone by Jackie Kay.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	84. The New Generation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius go back to school.

On Monday morning, we go to the platform, packed and ready for school. I am a little nervous to be in the same space as my Harry Potter, but it will be okay. I made my feelings very clear. If he can’t accept that, someone will stop him from making a scene. Hopefully.

Scorpius is still muttering information we covered in our last revision session and I haven’t got the heart to stop him. He is incredibly adorable at this precise moment in time, and the exams are fast-approaching.

The platform is still fairly quiet when we arrive, early at Scorpius’ request, and we decide to get on and claim our compartment before there is conflict over it. I wait patiently as Scorpius says goodbye to Draco with another hug that could honestly become the stuff of legend. And then Scorpius pulls away and picks up his trunk.  
“I’ll see you both in summer?” Draco smiles.  
“Thank you for letting me stay,” I try not to mumble. “It’s – it means a lot. Thank you.”  
“I’m glad we could help, and I hope he sees some sense at some point soon.”

I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat as I go to pick up my trunk. Before I can, however, he envelopes me in a hug and I close my eyes as they well up with tears. I don’t even know why this makes me emotional anymore. It just does. I try to take deep breaths. I don’t want to get on the train looking like a wreck.

I want to get on the train knowing that I love and am loved, despite everything that has happened. I know I will, but this is a welcome final reminder. This is the knowledge that I will always be loved by someone, that I will never be alone. I need to remember that more. No one is alone.

After the hug, Scorpius and I clamber onto the train, hand in hand, and find a compartment. Scorpius reaches for his notes from his trunk and I shake my head.  
“One day off,” I say. “Because my family will find us soon.”  
“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “You all right?”  
“Yeah,” I nod back. “Just – just emotional.”

Scorpius smiles gently at me and I stretch out along the seat, sighing. For the first time in a while, I’m not keen to go back to school. Maybe that’s a good thing. It means that home, or the place I’m staying, is better than constant stress and bullying. That isn’t a huge bar to pass, but staying at home still managed to fall short.

Scorpius chuckles and sits opposite me, looking out the window at the busying platform. It gets increasingly noisy as time passes, and I sit up when Scorpius waves at someone. A single glance out the window offers a multitude of explanation – my family are stood around, all saying goodbye, and Lily is looking directly at us.

I smile, shaking my head as she waves very energetically. I wave back, and then duck out of sight as dad turns around. I don’t need this shit now. Scorpius smiles softly at me and I smile back. We have about five minutes before a small bus load of my family turn up in the compartment and we lose all peace.

I don’t mind it. I want to see my family, catch up with them. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone a week without speaking to any of them. I missed Lily and James. I never thought that would be possible, but since I’ve stopped shutting them out, stopped insisting that being entirely alone is a good idea, I have been happier. It’s been a little overwhelmed with everything going on with Harry Potter, but it’s something.

Almost exactly on time, about five minutes later, there’s a knock on the compartment door, and Lily, James, Rose, and several others file in, chatting loudly. Lily comes to me first, throwing her arms around me in a very enthusiastic hug. I smile, wrapping her in a hug as the others sit down.

When Lily lets go, I look at James questioningly. Normally, he sits with his friends rather than the family, but today he appears to have left every single one of them. When Lily sits down, he comes and sits next to me, placing an arm over my shoulder.  
“Did you miss me?” I tease.  
“Yes, I did,” James says quietly.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. Dad’s a dick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the Weasley-Potters. And I love Pigeons. This is relevant. Probably.   
> Also, I’ve just had to stop using my laptop because it needs updating and it went haywire and my mum is stressed and I can’t write now because I need the laptop to write.   
> Kinda hoping I’ll finish this fic tonight but with the homework I’ve got, who fucking knows?
> 
> Thanks for reading.   
> Kudos and comments much appreciated   
> Twitter/Wattpad: @evieadams273


	85. Sparks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mass revision for OWLs ensues until Lily turns up and insists on looking after everybody.

About a week into term, the teachers set up a revision rooms for the fifth and seventh years to use. By the end of the first day, Scorpius, James, Rose and I have squared a corner that at least one of us is always occupying. During mealtimes, Lily has taken to bringing us food, as we barely come to the Great Hall for something to eat.

Scorpius is always working. I’m always with Scorpius. And anybody else working with us generally prefers the quiet. It’s quieter when other people are eating. Which has the added advantage of reducing how much I think I’m being judged.

The weeks start to blend into one great mess of classes and revision and, generally, constant work. We all get continually more stressed and, two days before the exams start, Lily comes, effectively storming, into the revision room. She looks as if she could breathe fire, though I don’t feel it’s directed at us.   
“Come on,” she says expectantly.   
“What’s going on?” I ask, slightly concerned.   
“Is everything okay?”   
“You guys are all working way too hard,” she says grumpily. “So yes, there’s something wrong.”   
“The exams start in two days.”   
“If you don’t know it now, you’ve got no hope.”

She’s got a point.

“Come on. One family picnic.” “It’s past curfew.”   
“Fine,” Lily smiles. “One late evening robbing the kitchens.”

I laugh, rolling my eyes, and then I nod, starting to pack everything away. She’s right, of course. We do need a break. It’s just that no one has been willing to suggest in fear of annoying someone. All of our tempers are very short.

I look at the others, who appear to have also heard Lily’s suggestion and are starting to pack their things away too. We are going to get caught. That is almost inevitable. There are too many of us to be subtle.

And yet, through some sort of miraculous fortune, we are. Somehow, we end up back in the Hufflepuff Common Room, courtesy of Hugo, with several mountains of food, courtesy of the House Elves. No one else seems to mind us decamping in a corner and starting to let off a bit of steam.

Occasionally, we are joined by other Hufflepuffs, and no one minds. We’ve got enough food, and everybody is stressed, so it all helps. Scorpius asks someone to bounce questions off him and, pretty quickly, we’re all chiming in with answers.

It isn’t what anyone was expecting to happen in a ‘revision’ session, but it’s fun, and I start to pick up on the things I kept forgetting. I think other people do too, because we don’t stop until Hugo points out that it’s gone past one in the morning and we do need to sleep.

Scorpius and I bid everyone an exhausted farewell, and attempt to make our way back to the Common Room. Due to the dark, we aren’t particularly fast, and as we near the Common Room, we round a corner to find Professor Longbottom on an evening patrol.

I freeze, Scorpius coming to an unsteady, sleepy stop beside me. Professor Longbottom looks us up and down, eyebrows raised, and I bite my lip.   
“Sir…”   
“Albus. It’s quite far past curfew.”   
“We were revising,” I explain. “We ended up having a sort of mass revision – thing.”   
“Right,” Professor Longbottom smiles. “Well, get back quickly and I’ll let you off this time.”   
“Thank you, sir.”

I seize Scorpius’ hand, pulling him into a half-run until we reach the Common Room. It probably looks beyond suspicious, especially when it’s accompanied by Scorpius’ high-pitched giggling, but I don’t care.

We probably won’t get in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Lily. So much.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	86. Echoing Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus has a nightmare the night before OWLs.

“Alohomora!” I shout, aiming desperately for the second door.

It bursts open and Draco, Scorpius and mum come charging through, wands aloft, ready to win a war. For a short moment, there’s chaos all around me, in the noise and fear and life around us. And then it stops.

It stops because Delphi flies at me, and seizes the hood of my jacket, hoisting me into the air with her. As soon she’s stable in the air, it feels as if some of her magic, some of her _flight_ , is circling me and keeping me aloft.

It allows her to let me go and keep me suspended in the air. I close my eyes, not wanting to see the fear of my family as Delphi’s hand reappear near my throat, this time with a knife.  
“Well, Potter,” she sneers. “I told you I’d kill the boy first.”  
“No!” Scorpius screams, his rising hysteria echoing through the church. “Don’t hurt him! Please! Please let him go!”  
“No,” Delphi smirks. “Say goodbye, little Malfoy.”

Her hands rest on my shoulders, though I can feel some sort of shadow drawing up the side of my neck. I start to sob.  
“Scorpius,” I whisper. “Scorpius!”

* * *

“Albus!”

I sit bolt upright, breathing heavily in the dark. Scorpius is sat, practically in my lap, and I bury myself in his chest, starting to sob quietly. It was just a dream. Just a bad dream. It isn’t real. You won’t die. You won’t lose Scorpius.  
“Shhh,” Scorpius rubs circles in my back and my breathing starts to slow. “You’re okay.”  
“She – she was going to – she tried to…”  
“She’s not here,” Scorpius murmurs. “She’s not going to hurt you again. I promise.”

I nod as I start to sit up, reaching towards my drawers for my spare pyjamas. Due to a combination of the night heat and the nightmare, I’m soaked through with sweat and now starting to shiver slightly.  
“I’ll be back in a moment,” I mutter.  
“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

I nod again, going to the bathroom and peeling off my sweat-soaked clothes. I put them on the rail as I run the tap and splash a little cold water on my face. My eyes start to drift closed and something fiery flashes through my mind. I flinch, starting to pace a little. I’m okay. I’m okay.

I turn off the tap slowly, pulling on the new pyjamas and biting my lip. I don’t want to go back to sleep. I need to, because OWLs begin tomorrow. But I don’t want to.

I trudge back through to the dormitory to find Scorpius still sat on my bed, smiling silently. I sit next to him and he wraps his arms around me, lying back. I look at him, trying to find some strength to smile back.  
“Stay?”  
“Of course.”

I pull the duvet back and wriggle beneath it as Scorpius closes the hangings. I wrap my arms around him again as he settles, and I laugh quietly, tucking my chin over his head.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Hugging you.”  
“I’m taller than you. This doesn’t work.”  
“Yes, it does.”

He laughs again, wrapping his arms around me, and I close my eyes. He’s here. I’m here. We’re safe. And we’re going to be okay. Entirely okay.

I love him. He loves me. And we have managed to make it through these chapters of our lives. We have survived and we will forever be stronger because of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I love my nightmare scenes too much.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	87. OWL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius insists that Albus has a revision break.

“I hate exams,” I say, dropping a small mountain of books onto my bed. “I am so bloody ready for this shit to be over.”  
“Today wasn’t too bad–”  
“I’m not a geek,” I moan. “You’re – like you’re actually smart.”  
“So are you.”  
“Yeah…no.”  
“Albie.”  
“Scor.”

Scorpius shakes his head, dropping his bag next to my things and taking my hands gently. I groan and flop backwards onto the bed.  
“We still have to revise now,” I mutter. “I swear, if they set us work after this…”  
“Stop worrying about that, and forget about revision.”  
“It appears my QPP has been replaced by a clone,” I stare at him. “What have you done with him? I’ll warn you now, he never stops talking.”  
“Albus,” Scorpius shakes his head. “Stop revising. For an hour. You’re allowed an hour for a break.”  
“Are you?”  
“Yes.”

He stands up again, walking towards his bed. He crouches beside his cupboard and opens it to reveal a record player. I roll my eyes. Him smuggling that thing into school was nothing short of a minor disaster, though we don’t talk about it.  
“What are you doing?” I giggle.

The reply comes as the opening to a song and I roll my eyes as Scorpius stands again, starting to dance around the room. Despite having grown up in the tradition of formal dancing, Scorpius’ coordination with anything else is beyond appalling. He laughs, and I laugh with him as I watch him stumbles around, singing along loudly.

By the time the chorus is over, he’s making his way back to me, whereupon he grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet clumsily. I oblige to his silent request to dance and about half a minute later, he lands on the floor. I fall next to him, laughing as he pecks me on the cheek.  
“You have two left feet,” I observe.  
“It’s my greatest talent,” he grins.  
“Is it?” I ask. “Not your beautiful music or knowledge? Or possibly your radiant beauty.”  
“First of all,” Scorpius giggles, “beauty isn’t a talent.”  
“But you are beautiful.”  
“Unimportant, but yes. If you say so. Okay, second thing. It is, because of this.”

He stands up again as the song changes to something a little slower, offering me his hand. I take it again and he pulls me up, guiding my hands to his waist as he places his on my shoulders.

And we just sway, staring into each other’s eyes and smiling. Scorpius leads me through the dance, each of his steps perfect and calculated. I’m a little clumsier, but he doesn’t seem to mind.  
“Best revision break,” I smile, leaning into him.  
“I’m glad,” he murmurs. “We should do this more.”  
“The revision break, the dancing, or the dancing as a revision break?”  
“The dancing,” Scorpius chuckles, shaking his head.  
“We should,” I nod. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

We’ll get back to working at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my boys.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	88. Back In The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revision session goes badly wrong in the last case of pain in this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: panic attack (sort of)

On the Friday, neither of us have any exams and we decide to spend the day revising in the Common Room. At one point, Scorpius gets up, says that he’s going to get a book from the library, and leaves. I don’t think anything of it, but when he hasn’t come back half an hour later, I start to worry a bit. I know the chances are he got distracted and is still reading, but I still feel uneasy.

I ask someone to keep an eye on my stuff as I leave to look for him, and then I start to jog. He isn’t in the library, and no one there has seen him all day. That scares me, really scares me. Because he lied to me. Something is so wrong that he lied to me.

A small blessing comes when someone tells me that they saw him heading towards the Owlery, even though it makes my blood run cold. I have to go up there. I have to find him. And that idea scares me shitless. Going up there after avoiding it for so long isn’t a good idea. But Scorpius went. So I have to follow him. I have to help him.

The tower is reasonably quiet as I trot up the steps, and my heart starts to pound violently in my chest. I don’t know where he is and I’m starting to realise I can’t count on the people who told me he came this way. I can’t count on anyone.

I don’t know why he would come up here, of all places. Neither of us have been up here since _she_ happened, and I start to doubt my assumptions more and more with every step. I can’t hear him. I can’t see him. And my thoughts keep getting more and more distracted and crazed.

I keep seeing things – reminders – as I run, of what happened. What she did. What it caused. What it all caused. And it’s terrifying.   
“Scorp?” I call. “Scorpius, are you up here?”

There is no reply and I start to run faster. I have to find him before something happens. Because something will happen. It’s too much to hope that it will all be fine.

And then I reach the top of the stairs, panting steadily, and I see him.

He’s sat on the ledge, staring out over the grounds. He doesn’t appear to have noticed me, or registered anything else that’s happening.   
“Scorp?” I walk towards him slowly, trying not to startle him. “Scorpius.”

He looks up at me sharply as I take his hand, crouching down beside him. He looks away and I bite my lip.   
“Are you okay?” I murmur. “Scorpius?”   
“You came up here?” he frowns. “You don’t like it up here.”   
“I was worried about you. I was really worried.”   
“I’m fine.”

I bite my lip, trying not to lose myself in. It’s so painfully obvious that he is not okay, but I don’t want to think too hard. I can’t face thinking about this place, even to help him.   
“Hello, Potter.”

I wheel around quickly to see Zack Alderton standing in the doorway with a stupid grin plastered on his face. I stand up sharply, blocking Scorpius from him. We’re alone, but I’m still scared of him. He nearly killed me.   
“What do you want?” I ask quietly.   
“You never come up here, Potter.”   
“Why is that important?”

There isn’t a reply and I turn back to Scorpius, who is still staring outwards blankly. I put my hand on his knee. He flinches and I stop.   
“Do you want to go back to the Common Room?” I ask.   
“She won’t get out of my head,” Scorpius murmurs, almost to himself. “She won’t leave me alone.”   
“Malfoy’s going mad,” Zack laughs. “Is this his guilty conscience finally showing?”   
“Shut up,” I mutter. “Scorpius. Come on. Let’s go back to the Common Room.”

I stand up and pull his arm over my shoulder. He stands up, still whispering, still utterly blank to everything. I’m so scared for him.   
“Why’s he insane?” Zack sneers, moving to block our path. “You know what happened, don’t you?”

I open my mouth, ready to tell him to piss so that I can find somewhere else to make sure Scorpius is okay, when his arm slips away from my own and he lands on the floor. He curls in on himself, starting to rock back and forth.   
“Leave me alone,” he mutters, over and over, his breathing quickening more and more with every second. “Leave me alone.”   
“Scorpius,” I crouch beside him. “It’s not her. She’s not here.”

Even though I know I’m right, I still glance over my shoulder, half-expecting to see someone. But we’re alone. Alone except for Alderton.   
“He’s mad.”   
“Shut up!” I half-shout. “Just – just shut up.”

Scorpius’ murmurs have changed; he’s whispering my name. Over. And over. And over. It becomes almost unintelligible, and Zack starts to laugh.   
“I’m here,” I try to work out what could be at all comforting. “Scorpius, I’m here.”   
“Where am I?” he suddenly pulls himself away from me, staring at something that no one else can see.

And I know what is going on inside his head. He’s not here, not flashing back to what Delphi did here. He can see Antlia. And everything else she did. All the pain and fear that she caused him, that he’s never said a word about. That I never knew was this bad because I never tried to push him to talk.   
“Scorpius,” I move into his line of sight, hands raised in the least threatening manner I can think of. “Scorpius. Antlia is gone. She’s not coming back.”   
“Where is Albus?” Scorpius stands and stumbles.   
“Where is he?”   
“I’m here,” I try not to cry. “Scorpius, I’m here.”

He shakes his head, continuing to stumble backwards. He’s shaking, sparks crackling between his fingers, getting constantly faster and brighter. I don’t dare move closer. I don’t want him to get hurt. I am painfully aware of the opening behind him, but if I try and get any closer, it will get worse.   
“He’s a freak,” Zack stares at him. “He’s a complete freak.”

I raise my hands again, opening my palms in a sort of attempt to not be a threat, to not be here. I need to concentrate on helping him, on at least taking him somewhere safer than this. But the only thing I can think about is how terrified he looks and how scared I am.   
“Why are you doing this?” he cries, taking another step backwards. “Why do you hate us so much?”   
“I don’t hate you, Scorpius,” I start to cry. “I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. I’d do anything.”   
“No! No, you don’t!”

He stumbles back again, the sparks that are dancing between his fingers growing dangerously. They splinter up his arms, almost pulling him away from me as they spread. I can’t seem to do anything other than watch helplessly as he tips back, landing over the ledge.

My stomach drops through the floor and I scream, diving forward as he disappears from view. However, when I make it to the edge, he’s still there, suspended in mid-air by a million strands of pure magic. His eyes are wide in fear and I hold out my hand.

He takes it slowly, and I try to pull him back up. A foot lands on my free hand before I can, however, and I start to scream at Alderton. I know he hates us. I know he very nearly killed me. But I never imagined that he would be willing to watch, willing to actively cause it.   
“Let go,” he jeers. “Let go of the freak.”

I ignore him. Scorpius is starting to slip from my grasp. His magic is no longer suspending him, and I can’t support his weight.   
“Help!” I shout. “Someone help!”

Zack laughs, but it’s cut off abruptly as he moves away. Or rather, is pulled away, as there is the sound of fist on flesh. I try to ignore it, focussing on Scorpius, until someone appears beside me, taking Scorpius’ hand and pulling him back up.

When we’re all safe, I look up to see it’s James and I stare. Half a moment, I shake myself and focus on Scorpius – passed out in my arms. He looks awful. I need to take him to the Hospital Wing.

But first–

“I swear, Alderton,” James snarls, “you touch my brother or his QPP again, I’ll murder you.”   
“Sounds fun. Freak.”   
“Oh, we’re all freaks, but that’s all right. Because I can still kill you.”

James turns back to me, smiling softly, and I look down at Scorpius. We need to help him. Help him now. And James understands, because he helps to take Scorpius’ weight, and we start to walk as quickly as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I promise no more pain in this fic. Promise. Because if it isn't then @SunshineScorpius will murder me. She has made her feelings very clear.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	89. Justifiable Reasoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mandatory Hospital Wing scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor Trigger Warning: references to trauma

Scorpius sleeps for a long time when we get him to the Hospital Wing. I stay with him while James goes with whatever teacher that turned up, to explain what happened. Once he’s done, he comes back, still muttering something about murdering Zack. I don’t try and interfere. It’s not worth trying to stop him when I want it too.

No. I don’t want to kill him. I just want him to stop, and if that happens through threats and fear, then I’m more than happy to let James do the honours.

We sit silently, staring forwards, and I spend most of my time watching Scorpius quietly. The sparks are long gone, but he’s as white as a sheet and bruises are starting to form on his wrists.   
“Has Zack bothered you recently?” James asks quietly.   
“Not before today,” I mutter. “Not since last summer.”   
“It would do him good to get shit kicked out of him every once in a while.”   
“Don’t,” I say. “Scorpius wouldn’t want more people getting hurt.”   
“He wouldn’t,” James agrees, “but if someone comes after you again, I will gut them.”

I smile softly and he stands up. I don’t object, because I’m aware that he’s got a shedload of revision to do. He says goodbye, giving me a quick hug, and I smile again.

He goes and I return my attention to Scorpius, who is still asleep. His breathing has long since returned to normal, which I’m very grateful for. He needs time, a bit more time, and I think I do too. And we have time. After these exams, we’ll have months. And if that isn’t enough, we’ll still be okay.

About twenty minutes later, Scorpius starts to stir and I smile as his eyes flutter open. He sits up slowly, groaning as he stares around himself.   
“We’re in the Hospital Wing?” he frowns.   
“Yeah,” I nod. “You – you passed out.”   
“When?”   
“In the Owlery,” I don’t go into detail immediately.   
“I was – he took me there?”   
“What do you remember?”

That’s probably the best question to ask and answer. To establish what he knows, and fill in gaps. And ask him if he has any ideas about any of it. He’s probably got more of an idea than I do.   
“I was going to the library,” Scorpius says quietly. “He cornered me and asked me where I was going. I said the Owlery because – I think – if you heard – you’d know something was wrong. I don’t know. It was a desperate thought. “I started to panic and I can’t really remember much more than that. I was scared. I thought…I don’t know…what happened?”

I take a deep breath, trying to order my thoughts. This needs to make sense, even though it doesn’t in my head. It needs to make sense.   
“I went to find you,” I murmur, “and you were at the window. You weren’t responding and Zack appeared. He just generally got in the way while I was trying to take you back to the Common Room, and you – I’m not really sure. I think – I think you thought I was – Antlia. You wouldn’t let me near you.”

I continue to explain, mentioning the sparks and trying to explain what they did when he fell. He remains silent, not questioning any of it while I’m talking. I think he knows I’ve got no idea what happened.   
“So,” he sighs as I finish. “What happened with Alderton?”   
“James threatened to kill him. I told him not to. He says that’s only going to stand if we’re safe.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “Yeah, okay.”   
“Scorpius,” I start slowly.   
“Yeah?”   
“Talk to me? If you need to. Please.”   
“What do you mean?”   
“You scared me,” I say quietly. “Up on the Owlery, you really scared me. We don’t talk about what that woman did to you. I don’t want to push you. But please don’t bottle it up.”   
“I don’t want to worry you.”   
“I’m more scared when shit like this happens,” I point out. “Look, Scor. I know it’s scary for you. I don’t want to push you. But please talk to me if you need to.”   
“Okay,” Scorpius nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”   
“Are you all right?”   
“I’m scared,” he admits. “Those sparks? Wandless, out-of-control magic? It’s scary.”   
“We’ll work it out,” I promise. “It’ll be okay.”   
“But what if that means – what if the rumours–”   
“Bullshit,” I say sharply. “The rumours are utter bullshit. You are just an amazing person and good at magic.”   
“You think?”   
“Of course I do.

He nods, smiling nervously. I smile back, taking his head.

“Okay,” Scorpius nods. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are back and will thrive as soon as I leave them alone.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	90. When It Comes Down To It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco visits the boys in the Hospital Wing.

After that, Scorpius does his best to keep conversation away from what happened. I don’t mind, because I know he’s scared. I’m scared too, and I don’t want to force it on him. To be honest, I don’t want to think about the Owlery either. I feel like I’m on the verge of falling. I don’t want to do it when Scorpius is around. It isn’t fair on him.

About half an hour after he wakes up, the Hospital Wing doors open and we both break off as Draco walks in, striding the length of the room and sitting next to me.   
“Dad? What are you doing here?”   
“I asked the school to let me know if anything happened to either of you,” Draco says. “And I’m glad I did.”   
“Me, as well?” I can’t help but ask.   
“Yes,” Draco nods. “Seeing that your family didn’t seem to worry when you were unwell last year, I thought I would ask after you on their behalf.”   
“Thank you,” I say quietly.   
“May I ask what happened?”

I glance at Scorpius and he nods silently, starting to fiddle with his bedsheets. I swallow, starting to explain what happened, trying to piece together all of it, between Scorpius’ explanation and my own memory.

Draco doesn’t interrupt me, nodding and listening in silence. When I’m done, he starts to ask questions, but slowly, patiently. He doesn’t get angry at any point, and he accepts the answers that Scorpius and I manage to piece together.   
“This boy,” he says after he’s finished questioning the sparks, “how many times has he attacked you?”   
“This is the first time he went after Scorpius,” I say. “And last time he came after me was nearly a year ago now.”   
“Do the teachers know?”   
“Yes, but it’s not like they ever did anything before,” I mutter. “Zack stayed away because Rose threatened him, and now James has promised to kill him if he comes after us again. I think he was serious.”   
“Right,” Draco nods slowly. “As long as the two of you are safe.”   
“We won’t be safe if he tells other people what happened,” Scorpius mutters.   
“Scorp?”   
“You said he called me a freak,” Scorpius says quietly. “He’ll tell other people. And the conclusion they’ll land on is that stupid bloody rumour.”   
“Shit,” I breathe, biting my lip.

He’s right. Of course he’s right. Once it gets out, people are going to come after us again. It won’t be as bad as before, because the younger years mainly leave us alone. But the fourth years haven’t been pleasant this year.   
“Will this become an issue?” Draco asks.   
“We’ll survive,” Scorpius shrugs. “They’ll mostly be after me, so–”   
“You are not taking this fall,” I interrupt sharply. “Albus–”   
“No. No. You’re not taking this fall when it isn’t your fault.”   
“It isn’t your fault either.”

I stop short, biting my lip again. I don’t want to tell him that I don’t, and can’t, believe that, because I know that I could have done something. I could have stopped some of this if I’d tried a bit harder. I don’t know how. But somehow.

I could have.

“Neither of you are taking any fall,” Draco says firmly. “We will sort any mess out if it comes to that. You two are going to concentrate on your exams, and then on enjoying your last few weeks of this year.”

We both nod and Draco smiles. He’s right. It shouldn’t be a decision over who we’re going to throw in front of the fist. It should be the knowledge that we won’t let that happen to either of us. And if it did, I think the combined anger of everyone looking out for our safety could bring a building down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is the penultimate chapter. And shit me I'm not ready for this to be over.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	91. What We're Owed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius receive a letter.

The last exam is about a week later, and as we walk out into the late afternoon sunshine, I wrap my arms around Scorpius and we half-run, half-stumble down the grounds, giggling madly. We get too many strange looks. And we laugh about it.

When we reach the lake, we collapse in a fit of laughter and chaos. I don’t even know what we’re laughing about, but I don’t stop. We just lie on the ground, wrapped in each other’s arms, smiling. Scorpius already looks less stressed, and I’m so incredibly grateful.

He’s been putting himself under so much pressure. After the Owlery incident, he had been allowed to leave the Hospital Wing the next morning, and he’d asked me to bring revision to him in the meantime. I do understand why he did it, and I do understand that he needed a distraction. We both did.

Now, we can relax and enjoy ourselves, enjoy the world around us. I’m starting to feel more at home in school. It’s only taken five years. But it’s something. And I’m grateful. So incredibly grateful.

We talk for a long time, flipping between a hundred different topics. Scorpius is speaking impossibly quickly, and I watch him with a smile. I don’t attempt to cut his ramble, because I can barely catch every word he’s saying. And because he is incredibly adorable like this.

As he’s about to launch into his hundred and seventeenth ramble, however, I stop him as I see an owl flying towards us.   
“Do you think it’s one for us?” Scorpius asks.  
“Who’d be sending us a letter this late in the day?”

But the owl does keep flying towards us, and it drops a letter as it soars past. Scorpius picks it up, frowning as he reads the front of the envelope.   
“It’s addressed to both of us.”  
“Can I see?”

He passes it to me and my stomach drops as I read the front. ‘Albus and Scorpius’. Written in sloping, shaky handwriting. As if it was a challenge. As if she wanted it, but the memories it dredged up were too painful to consider.  
“It’s – it’s her – it’s her handwriting,” I mumble, biting my lip.  
“Her?”  
“It’s Delphi’s handwriting,” I say, a little more firmly.  
“Oh,” Scorpius says. “Oh. Do you want me to open it?”  
“Are you okay with that?”  
“I’ll be all right,” Scorpius nods.

I pass the envelope to him, holding my breath as he slices through the seal and pulls out the letter. The handwriting I catch a glimpse of is a little more controlled, a little calmer. I bite my lip as Scorpius starts to read quietly.

_Dear Albus and Scorpius._

_I know that hearing from me is probably the last thing you want, after everything, and I understand that. However, these words have been stuck in my head for a long time and I wanted to get them out. I fully understand if you stop reading here. I fully understand if you never even opened this._

_I can’t ask for forgiveness. What I did and what I caused can never be forgiven. They say they’re never going to let me go, and I’m glad. I don’t want to let anyone get hurt again. And I’m happy now. I don’t want to jeopardise that._

_I don’t know how much you know about Nina and what happened to me, but we see each other now, and we’re happy, so thank you. Thank you for helping me find happiness after everything. I hope you can find your happiness and I hope you are healing._

_I am sorry for the pain you have been caused, and I am sorry for my part in it. This letter is not a request for forgiveness, simply a request to wish you happiness, because you deserve to be happy._

_I wish you well._

_Delphi._

Scorpius finishes reading and places the letter on the ground between us. We stay silent for a moment, and I take a deep breath.  
“She’s – she’s happy,” Scorpius says.  
“Nina was obliviated,” I frown. “And even if that charm broke, how…”  
“Dad takes her,” Scorpius explains. “She sees Delphi once a week and Hermione turns a blind eye.”  
“Did your dad say?”  
“I met Nina over the holidays,” Scorpius says quietly. “She came to our house before dad dropped her off.”  
“Was she nice?”  
“She was okay,” Scorpius nods. “She knows pretty much everything that happened.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You okay?”  
“Yeah,” I nod again. “Just – I’m tired and stuff.”  
“You can sleep now. Don’t need to revise.”  
“Right now?”

Scorpius nods and I curl up, resting my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me as I close my eyes, allowing myself to doze off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delphi back for one more moment.   
> Tomorrow is the last day. I'm not ready.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


	92. Black And White Parchment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days before the end of term, Albus receives a letter. And everything is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> Thank you for being here for me.  
> I love you all.

“Are you okay?” Scorpius asks as we flop down in the grass. “You look really tense.”  
“I’m fine,” I say quietly, glancing up at the sky. “Bit nervous about something.”  
“May I ask what you have to be nervous about?”  
“This.”  
“This? We’ve done this a hundred times.”  
“I bought you a present,” I explain. “I’m a bit nervous about giving to you.”  
“I’m sure I’ll love it,” Scorpius smiles, pecking my cheek softly.

I nod, reaching into my pocket for the little box I arranged for Teddy to send to me. I bought the present from Hogsmeade which, for obvious reasons, I have very little interest in actually visiting, especially not by myself.  
“I did a bit of research,” I explain, “and a lot of people who are asexual and aromantic, because there aren’t a lot of people, some of them wear these rings. And I understand if you don’t like them. I just thought it might be a nice end of term gift.”  
“I’m sure I’ll love them,” Scorpius smiles again. “Thank you.”

I pass him the box, smiling as he starts to unwrap it slowly. The sick feeling in my stomach is starting to disappear, and when his face breaks into a wide smile, it’s gone entirely. He pulls out the two rings, smiling wider.  
“They’re beautiful,” he murmurs. “Thank you.”  
“Apparently, the black one goes on your right-middle finger, and the white one goes on your left-middle finger, but you could wear them however you wanted to. If you wanted to.”  
“Of course I want to wear them,” Scorpius slides them onto his fingers. “Thank you so much.”

I wrap my arms around him and we lie back, smiling at the sky. It’s blue and clear, and the day isn’t too hot. It’s nice. It’s peaceful.

And, for a few minutes, the world is good. We’ve survived fifth year. We’re going to have a brilliant summer. And when we come back in September, we’ll enter the next stage of our lives and keep moving forward together.

I sit up a little as footsteps shake through the ground, announcing James’ hurried arrival. I smile at him and he smiled back a little. He glances down at the thing he’s holding, almost as if he’s nervous.  
“I got this,” he says quietly. “It’s a letter from dad.”  
“No,” I say sharply. “No. I’m not coming home for summer.”  
“It’s not like that.”  
“It’s always like that.”  
“Just – just read it,” James offers it to me. “The letter he sent me is on top.”  
“Why didn’t he just write to me?”

But I already know the answer to that. In his eyes, I wouldn’t have read it. I’m surly and unreasonable and rash. But I would have read it. I said that I would be reasonable. And I’ll hold myself to that.  
“Thanks,” I say.  
“You’re welcome,” he stands. “See you later.”

I glance at Scorpius and he smiles encouragingly. And with that, I unfold the first letter.

_Dear James,_

_I hope you’re well after your NEWTs, and have enjoyed your last few weeks at Hogwarts. I know you’re still angry with me about my behaviour at Easter, and other points, but I hope you will read this and allow me to rectify my months of mistakes._

_There is a letter enclosed that I’d like Albus to read. Please make sure he knows that the choice I’ve given him is very much a choice, and I do not want him to feel pressured in any way. You know as well as I do that he feels things very deeply, and I do not wish to anger him. I’ve done that too much._

_I’m really looking forward to seeing you and Lily in a few days. In the meantime, thank you, and I love you._

_Lots of love,_

_Dad_

I finish reading and put the letter on the ground, picking up the sealed one. The one addressed to me. Despite everything that has happened, I can’t help but hope that this will be a good thing. A good chapter of a story.

Another glance at Scorpius. Another deep breath. Another moment waiting. And then I start to read.

_Dear Albus,_

_There are a hundred ways that I want to begin this letter. However, I know that the most important thing, and the thing you want most, is an apology, so I’ll start there._

_I am so incredibly sorry that I could not see what was most important. I have a habit of sheer arrogance, and the fact that I could not see that you’re happy and that is what matters, is, on my part, beyond appalling. You know your mind and my refusal to see that has hurt you. I am sorry for this. I am so sorry for all of it._

_I will understand your decision if you still do not wish to see me, but if you would consider it, I would love to see you and just talk. I am not asking you to come home for summer unless that is what you want, but perhaps we could meet for coffee or something. It’s your decision._

_I have found myself missing our time together before I ruined it, and I hope we can begin to rebuild again, what we were rebuilding. I will do beyond my best to listen and accept you for who you are, and I know you’ll do the same, because you are kind and welcoming and understanding._

_I understand if you do not want to rebuild – I’ve hurt you too many times to be truly forgiven – but I will, if you want to._

_I love you, Albus. I hope you know that. I have a bad way of showing it a lot of the time. But I would do anything for you if it meant you felt safe and happy. I am sorry that I behaved this poorly for so long._

_Lots of love,_

_Dad_

I have to blink back tears when I finish reading, and Scorpius looks at me, confused. I shake my head, smiling widely.   
“It’s – it’s an apology,” I whisper. “He wants to talk. Just – talk. If I’m okay to.”  
“Are you?”  
“Yes,” I nod. “It’s – this is the only thing I wanted.”

It is. An apology. The knowledge that it is okay to be who I am around him. It’s all I wanted. And he has given it to me. He has accepted me for who I am.

Yes, it’s taken a long time. Yes, it’s hurt more than I’d ever imagined it would. But it’s come. And we can heal. We can heal and talk and rebuild and find a much better world. Because he’s willing to listen and I am eternally grateful.

“Can we go back to the castle?” I ask. “I want to write back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. This project began on 7th May, 2019. I started publishing on 1st July, 2019. And I finished writing 23rd September, 2019. This has pretty much taken over my life in that everything has been centred around writing it. My planning has not left me alone since the initial idea back in February. The twists and turns have been secrets for way too damn long. And every single moment has been fully worth it.  
> My friends who are regular readers, you guys give me life with your reactions. I was on holiday and my family roped me into a card game. Part way through, my phone buzzed six times. I looked back afterwards and I had five full caps texts from @SunshineScorpius. And at the bottom, a final message telling me lovely writing. Genuinely never going to forget that.   
> I'm never going to forget the shit that this has helped me through. The amount of myself I put Albus through in this, especially with him and Harry, has helped me through so much. My parents aren't outwardly homophobic, but they don't really understand, and the relationship between Harry and Albus involves a lot of feelings I have towards my mother. And Albus' talking is something I desperately want. So thank you for reading through what is essentially a therapeutic mind-fuck.  
> If you're still reading this, I love you. Thank you for being with me as I write and finish this story. It means the absolute world.   
> Every comment makes me smile. The Kudos emails that I read during break always make me smile again, even when I'm having a bad day. So thank you.  
> And again.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated.  
> Twitter/Wattpad: evieadams273


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